Afternoon Tea

  

These are my daughters (in law); I got 'em both this year, thanks to Clint and Drew. (I'll do another blog post about their weddings. Probably. Some day.)  I think they're both just so wonderful.

I love these young women and really wanted my friends to meet them.

I love my friends, and really wanted my girls to meet THEM. 

So Shelly offered her home as the gathering place, Sandra and Val offered to help. Others offered to bring food and just like that, an event was planned. 

Needing to add something to the afternoon (naturally), (because bringing together a couple dozen strangers isn't awkward enough), I suggested everyone bring a "GOOD IDEA" to share. Haha. (And all the introverts started looking for excuses to stay away.)

I explained that, years ago, in a galaxy far, far away (Murrayville), I'd hosted a 'Good Ideas' party (in my own house because I had one) and it was one of my favorite gatherings. I LOVE it when people (OK, women, I love it when women) share their hard fought wisdom about things. 

Things like tips on housekeeping, how to pack for a month-long trip taking only a purse, what holiday traditions are standing the test of time, and so on. I have been mightily inspired by the presentations (that's a strong word... although some friends DID have presentations) ... by the ideas that were shared.

(Get to the point already, Jane.)

(I started this blog post at noon. It's now 11 pm. I wrote a sentence then realized the sun was shining. So I sat on my deck. For three hours. Making to do lists for other days. The only thing I was going to do today was load the dishwasher and WRITE A BLOG POST. ( I was at a funeral on Friday, and ran into an old acquaintance who asked, "are you still writing?" I realized I really wanted to but I think I forgot how. So today was going to be the day that I wrote about an easy thing to write about. ...) And what have I done instead of writing? Planned a pie baking day. Planned a birthday gathering. Accepted a couple invitations. Cleaned one shelf and one drawer in my fridge, then got bored. Will finish the rest of the fridge the next time I decide to write. I wiped one half of the baking shelf in my pantry. See above re: boredom. I did all my laundry. I baked a batch of brownies. Took the garbage for a walk to the underground garbage room with no make-up on. Emailed some photos from my phone to my laptop and challenged myself to figure out a more efficient way to move photos from an iphone to a dell computer at some point in the future.)

I have two things left to do. 

Load the dishwasher. Write this post. 

I am so tempted to turn the TV on. 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OK. (Stop overthinking Jane. JUST start,)

The party started an hour late because there were two accidents on the #1 freeway, eastbound (and can I say how much that stretch of pavement has been a constant source of whining for me this year? HOLYhannahbanana... Half my life has been spent going 2 miles per hour on that road because of construction or collisions or volume). Kate Bowler, Kelley Corrigan and Michael Lewis have been my companions this summer, and their riveting conversations have kept me sane and, dare I say, interesting? Yes. I believe I am a teensy bit more fascinating to talk to because of their podcasts.

So I was a little anxious about well, things starting off poorly because I hadn't really planned for a delay. But I did have an icebreaker game, which helped me feel better about 20 people waiting for the show to begin. 

That aside, it was a lovely afternoon. And the point of this blog post is to share some of the good ideas that were mentioned on Sunday. (Phew; took me long enough to get here.) (This absolutely needs an edit.) 

(While I haven't been tested, and it's not official or anything, apparently it's a given. I have ADHD. As evidenced by this writing style, and my absolute dependence on lists and calendars and post it notes and coil bound journals and file cards.)

In no particular order, with random photos inserted so you're not faced with a wall of text:

- it is advisable to have separate bathrooms (oh, I should mention, some friends' good ideas came out as marriage advice). Apparently you will never regret this decision. 

- get/find/have a dermatologist that you trust and see him/her every year for a complete body check. 

- accept that your husband is going to say and do things that embarrass you every time you're in public or with friends. A good rule of thumb as to whether or not you need to talk to him about it, is to decide would you be embarrassed if he did/said this thing to you on a desert island where no one else could observe his behavior? If it wouldn't be as annoying on a private, secluded, tropical beach then let it go. BUT if it would still be embarrassing or wrong - then yes, maybe a lil talk with your man is in order. (I can't remember ... they love these conversations, yes?)

- start a book club. It's such a good idea. (This was my offering to the afternoon...) Ours started with Sandra and I each inviting two friends and asking those friends to each invite a friend. And just like that (it only takes a spark ...) we had ten reading enthusiasts at our first meeting. We had some rules that we dropped within a year, and we have had people come and go as their situations evolved, but after 17 years, we're still going strong. There are 7 of us. This is how ours' works:

• any/every one can suggest a book. They don't need to have read it first. If we get a lot/too many suggestions, we may vote on which titles we want to read, OR we choose them all and read them in the coming months. 
• the person who suggested the book, leads the discussion. Which usually means they move us through the Book Club Discussion Questions found online. Sometimes if the author is particularly interesting, some additional tidbits/factoids will be shared and we will be duly impressed.
• Hosting is on a volunteer basis. We rotate between the living rooms of those who are OK with it. 
• Providing snacks (nothing fancy, usually a baked item) is also a volunteer thingy. So far we haven't starved on book club night. 

- My other good ideas were to have a Good Idea Party and a Favorite Things Party. I referred to my blog post for specifics on those gatherings. 

- I also suggested it was a good idea to have a blog. 

- A good idea was presented by a friend who had a bunch of red gift bags to demonstrate how it works. She does this (or a version of this) at Christmas with her kids and grands. Everyone gets a bag that she's filled with gifts. (Candy, ornaments, books, games, etc). Then she reads a thing... and it dicates what you're to do with your bag. On Sunday afternoon, she read this, and every time she said the word "left" everyone passes their bag to the left. And whenever she said the word "right", the bags were moved to the right: (I don't know my left from my right, so I opted out of playing and took pics instead):

(For the record it was chaotic fun.)

Once the story has finished, you get to open the bag you're holding. 

- another good idea that came in the form of marriage advice is to cherish your hubby but keep nurturing your relationships with girlfriends.

- this gal mentioned something else but the only thing I really remember was her advice that you have sex twice a week, with your husband. (She referred to it as 'putting out'. )

- another friend suggested having homemade cookies on hand at all times. Have a batch in the freezer for when you have someone over and you need something to serve in a hurry. 

- another suggestion was to have some good English tea (to enjoy with those cookies) in your pantry. Grandkids, especially, love tea parties. So do grannies. 

- A good idea was to keep a 'one inch journal' ... (you only write one inch of content each day. TOTALLY doable. It a way to reflect and record the high (or low) light of your day, briefly. The way these journals/diaries work, is that each page represents one day. So each consecutive year you'll be writing your inch on the same page:

(So next year, on Sept 20, I'll be reminded of what I did THIS year on Sept 20. (Just like Facebook memories...) 

(Wendell's has some beautiful versions.)

- a quick/easy way to provide a pie (that looks homemade) for an event without the hassle of actually baking a pie, is to buy one. Then transfer it from the store-made foil pie plate into a beautiful ceramic one. Ta dah. No one will suspect. 

 - immediately after that suggestion was the good idea that one should bake many, many pies during apple season (this friend used to make 130 apple pies each fall) so that at any given time you have a homemade dessert in the freezer just needing to be reheated. 

(As an aside, immediately after they both shared their good ideas, the pie-making friend offered to teach the non-pie-baking friend (and my daughters) how to bake pies this fall.)

- another good idea: buy yourself flowers. Support roadside stands. 

- and another marriage tip: write it down, now, in your first year of marriage, why you married him. Be specific. Make the list long and detailed. Refer to it every year on your anniversary to remind yourself what it was that made you crazy about him. Add to it every year? 

- some life advice from the almost 90-year-old in the room: : Say yes. Try things. Take chances. Give it a whirl. Take the course. Learn new things. Life is awesome, experience as much of it as you can.  

See the positive side of things. 

- a New Year's Eve suggestion: with your husband, take a moment (or ten) to reflect back on the year that was, and look forward to what you hope the coming year will contain. Make some plans/loose goals of things you both hope to accomplish/do in the new year; from financial, to relational, to recreational, to physical... start the new year on the same page with regards to how you're going to spend your time and money. 

- a Valentine's Day suggestion is to give those you love, a handmade card (if you have skills. If not, maybe buy some nice ones)... and list specific reasons why you love them. This friend has done this for years for her 4 kids. Every Feb 14, a current photo of them inside, along with 20 reasons why she loves them. PLUS before school on that day, she'd get up early and make a gourmet breakfast and serve it at a table set with linens, fine china, candles. (This tradition still stands today, although now the breakfast is on a weekend morning sometime in February.)

- and lastly more Christmas tradition ideas: a friend did a version of this 'mystery string pull' with much success with her grands...

and this portrait painting idea with her kids that has been So Much Fun: 

Thank you friends, for sharing your good ideas and your marriage advice with my girls and each other. 

Three things I'm thankful for:

1. Daughters (and the boys who married them)

2. Friends

3. Calendars, post it notes, lined notebooks, to do lists ...

Thanks for dropping by. 

Feel your boobs, hug the ones you love, read a book,

xo

Afternoon Tea

 

These are my daughters (in law); I got 'em both this year, thanks to Clint and Drew. (I'll do another blog post about their weddings. Probably. Some day.)  I think they're both just so wonderful.

I love these young women and really wanted my friends to meet them.

I love my friends, and really wanted my girls to meet THEM. 

So Shelly offered her home as the gathering place, Sandra and Val offered to help. Others offered to bring food and just like that, an event was planned. 

Needing to add something to the afternoon (naturally), (because bringing together a couple dozen strangers isn't awkward enough), I suggested everyone bring a "GOOD IDEA" to share. Haha. (And all the introverts started looking for excuses to stay away.)

I explained that, years ago, in a galaxy far, far away (Murrayville), I'd hosted a 'Good Ideas' party (in my own house because I had one) and it was one of my favorite gatherings. I LOVE it when people (OK, women, I love it when women) share their hard fought wisdom about things. 

Things like tips on housekeeping, how to pack for a month-long trip taking only a purse, what holiday traditions are standing the test of time, and so on. I have been mightily inspired by the presentations (that's a strong word... although some friends DID have presentations) ... by the ideas that were shared.

(Get to the point already, Jane.)

(I started this blog post at noon. It's now 11 pm. I wrote a sentence then realized the sun was shining. So I sat on my deck. For three hours. Making to do lists for other days. The only thing I was going to do today was load the dishwasher and WRITE A BLOG POST. ( I was at a funeral on Friday, and ran into an old acquaintance who asked, "are you still writing?" I realized I really wanted to but I think I forgot how. So today was going to be the day that I wrote about an easy thing to write about. ...) And what have I done instead of writing? Planned a pie baking day. Planned a birthday gathering. Accepted a couple invitations. Cleaned one shelf and one drawer in my fridge, then got bored. Will finish the rest of the fridge the next time I decide to write. I wiped one half of the baking shelf in my pantry. See above re: boredom. I did all my laundry. I baked a batch of brownies. Took the garbage for a walk to the underground garbage room with no make-up on. Emailed some photos from my phone to my laptop and challenged myself to figure out a more efficient way to move photos from an iphone to a dell computer at some point in the future.)

I have two things left to do. 

Load the dishwasher. Write this post. 

I am so tempted to turn the TV on. 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OK. (Stop overthinking Jane. JUST start,)

The party started an hour late because there were two accidents on the #1 freeway, eastbound (and can I say how much that stretch of pavement has been a constant source of whining for me this year? HOLYhannahbanana... Half my life has been spent going 2 miles per hour on that road because of construction or collisions or volume). Kate Bowler, Kelley Corrigan and Michael Lewis have been my companions this summer, and their riveting conversations have kept me sane and, dare I say, interesting? Yes. I believe I am a teensy bit more fascinating to talk to because of their podcasts.

So I was a little anxious about well, things starting off poorly because I hadn't really planned for a delay. But I did have an icebreaker game, which helped me feel better about 20 people waiting for the show to begin. 

That aside, it was a lovely afternoon. And the point of this blog post is to share some of the good ideas that were mentioned on Sunday. (Phew; took me long enough to get here.) (This absolutely needs an edit.) 

(While I haven't been tested, and it's not official or anything, apparently it's a given. I have ADHD. As evidenced by this writing style, and my absolute dependence on lists and calendars and post it notes and coil bound journals and file cards.)

In no particular order, with random photos inserted so you're not faced with a wall of text:

- it is advisable to have separate bathrooms (oh, I should mention, some friends' good ideas came out as marriage advice). Apparently you will never regret this decision. 

- get/find/have a dermatologist that you trust and see him/her every year for a complete body check. 

- accept that your husband is going to say and do things that embarrass you every time you're in public or with friends. A good rule of thumb as to whether or not you need to talk to him about it, is to decide would you be embarrassed if he did/said this thing to you on a desert island where no one else could observe his behavior? If it wouldn't be as annoying on a private, secluded, tropical beach then let it go. BUT if it would still be embarrassing or wrong - then yes, maybe a lil talk with your man is in order. (I can't remember ... they love these conversations, yes?)

- start a book club. It's such a good idea. (This was my offering to the afternoon...) Ours started with Sandra and I each inviting two friends and asking those friends to each invite a friend. And just like that (it only takes a spark ...) we had ten reading enthusiasts at our first meeting. We had some rules that we dropped within a year, and we have had people come and go as their situations evolved, but after 17 years, we're still going strong. There are 7 of us. This is how ours' works:

• any/every one can suggest a book. They don't need to have read it first. If we get a lot/too many suggestions, we may vote on which titles we want to read, OR we choose them all and read them in the coming months. 
• the person who suggested the book, leads the discussion. Which usually means they move us through the Book Club Discussion Questions found online. Sometimes if the author is particularly interesting, some additional tidbits/factoids will be shared and we will be duly impressed.
• Hosting is on a volunteer basis. We rotate between the living rooms of those who are OK with it. 
• Providing snacks (nothing fancy, usually a baked item) is also a volunteer thingy. So far we haven't starved on book club night. 

- My other good ideas were to have a Good Idea Party and a Favorite Things Party. I referred to my blog post for specifics on those gatherings. 

- I also suggested it was a good idea to have a blog. 

- A good idea was presented by a friend who had a bunch of red gift bags to demonstrate how it works. She does this (or a version of this) at Christmas with her kids and grands. Everyone gets a bag that she's filled with gifts. (Candy, ornaments, books, games, etc). Then she reads a thing... and it dicates what you're to do with your bag. On Sunday afternoon, she read this, and every time she said the word "left" everyone passes their bag to the left. And whenever she said the word "right", the bags were moved to the right: (I don't know my left from my right, so I opted out of playing and took pics instead):

(For the record it was chaotic fun.)

Once the story has finished, you get to open the bag you're holding. 

- another good idea that came in the form of marriage advice is to cherish your hubby but keep nurturing your relationships with girlfriends.

- this gal mentioned something else but the only thing I really remember was her advice that you have sex twice a week, with your husband. (She referred to it as 'putting out'. )

- another friend suggested having homemade cookies on hand at all times. Have a batch in the freezer for when you have someone over and you need something to serve in a hurry. 

- another suggestion was to have some good English tea (to enjoy with those cookies) in your pantry. Grandkids, especially, love tea parties. So do grannies. 

- A good idea was to keep a 'one inch journal' ... (you only write one inch of content each day. TOTALLY doable. It a way to reflect and record the high (or low) light of your day, briefly. The way these journals/diaries work, is that each page represents one day. So each consecutive year you'll be writing your inch on the same page:

(So next year, on Sept 20, I'll be reminded of what I did THIS year on Sept 20. (Just like Facebook memories...) 

(Wendell's has some beautiful versions.)

- a quick/easy way to provide a pie (that looks homemade) for an event without the hassle of actually baking a pie, is to buy one. Then transfer it from the store-made foil pie plate into a beautiful ceramic one. Ta dah. No one will suspect. 

 - immediately after that suggestion was the good idea that one should bake many, many pies during apple season (this friend used to make 130 apple pies each fall) so that at any given time you have a homemade dessert in the freezer just needing to be reheated. 

(As an aside, immediately after they both shared their good ideas, the pie-making friend offered to teach the non-pie-baking friend (and my daughters) how to bake pies this fall.)

- another good idea: buy yourself flowers. Support roadside stands. 

- and another marriage tip: write it down, now, in your first year of marriage, why you married him. Be specific. Make the list long and detailed. Refer to it every year on your anniversary to remind yourself what it was that made you crazy about him. Add to it every year? 

- some life advice from the almost 90-year-old in the room: : Say yes. Try things. Take chances. Give it a whirl. Take the course. Learn new things. Life is awesome, experience as much of it as you can.  

See the positive side of things. 

- a New Year's Eve suggestion: with your husband, take a moment (or ten) to reflect back on the year that was, and look forward to what you hope the coming year will contain. Make some plans/loose goals of things you both hope to accomplish/do in the new year; from financial, to relational, to recreational, to physical... start the new year on the same page with regards to how you're going to spend your time and money. 

- a Valentine's Day suggestion is to give those you love, a handmade card (if you have skills. If not, maybe buy some nice ones)... and list specific reasons why you love them. This friend has done this for years for her 4 kids. Every Feb 14, a current photo of them inside, along with 20 reasons why she loves them. PLUS before school on that day, she'd get up early and make a gourmet breakfast and serve it at a table set with linens, fine china, candles. (This tradition still stands today, although now the breakfast is on a weekend morning sometime in February.)

- and lastly more Christmas tradition ideas: a friend did a version of this 'mystery string pull' with much success with her grands...

and this portrait painting idea with her kids that has been So Much Fun: 

Thank you friends, for sharing your good ideas and your marriage advice with my girls and each other. 

Three things I'm thankful for:

1. Daughters (and the boys who married them)

2. Friends

3. Calendars, post it notes, lined notebooks, to do lists ...

Thanks for dropping by. 

Feel your boobs, hug the ones you love, read a book,

xo

65 Things I Know To Be True

 

I'm old.

1. I don't know everything. That's why God invented Google. And sons.

2. Of the four seasons, winter is the longest. 

3. Sometimes things end. 

4. And most times there are beginnings. 

5. Pickleball is a cult.

6. Being generous is sexy.

7. Saying "I love you" to your people gets you halfway there. You gotta do something too. 

8. Use calendars. I can't stress this enough.

9. Long toe nails are gross. 

10. Be forever curious.

11. Practice. 

12. Make a new friend.

13. If you're a crappy cook, offer to drive, bring fresh flowers or do the dishes.

14. Have conversations; don't just talk.

15. Let gratitude ooze from your pores.

16. Love the space you live in. 

17. Bingo is fun.

18. Accept invitations that make your armpits tingle.

19. Celebrate all the things. First day of Spring. National Donut Day. Random anniversaries. First grey hair. First solo walk without a cane after hip replacement surgery. 

20. Johnny Jump Ups are the happiest of flowers.

21. Peonies are the most elegant. 

22. A good antidote to the current American political situation is binge watching old episodes of West Wing. 

23. Make peace with God. I mean, you can believe there is one, or not. Up to you. But it's a really lovely world-view to believe we are here because of love. 

24. Congratulate yourself with a little 'ta dahhh' when you do something for the first time. Keep on finding things to do for the first time.

25. It's OK to have a negative opinion regarding cilantro. Don't be bullied into feeling otherwise. 

26. Toxic environments will eventually make you sick. 

27. Recovering from 'burn out' takes longer than you'd think. 

28. You are blessed indeed if someone on your friend list has a pick up truck. 

29. Road construction is a pain in the ass. 

30. Ass is not a swear word. 

31. Know your strengths. Use them for good.

32. Put aside at least 10% of your earnings each month for your retirement. DO NOT DEPEND ON CPP or OAS or your kids to keep you in avocados and bath salts when you're 90.

33. Put out a hummingbird feeder. You may never doom scroll again. 

34. Telling your truth isn't always possible or necessary or kind.

35. Join a book club. Start a book club. Read.

36. Vacations planned around concerts or F1 races are the new Disneyland trips. 

37. Forgive as quickly as possible. 

38. Sometimes you have to forgive the same person for the same thing a million times. Do it. Even if they don't say sorry.

39. Frogs and crickets provide the best evening soundtrack to summer. (Apparently they taste good, deep friend and covered in chocolate?)

40. Hang on to traditions for 100 years or as long as your family lets you.

41. You will never regret having a southern facing back yard. 

42. Pray. About everything. All the time. (If you're not familiar; start with "Thanks." "I'm sorry." "Wow." "Help.") 

43. Anticipate the goodness of strangers.

44. Watch documentaries. Then find a way to drop your new knowledge into a conversation.

45. British accents are the absolute bollocks. I'll die on that chuffin hill. 

46. The 'good ol days' we'll talk about in the future are right now. Be proactive in makin 'em good. 

47. Rest is an act of self-love. Don't glorify exhaustion. Sabbathing is a thing.

48. Make your house a museum of things you love.

49. Being surrounded by the right circle of friends is the biggest life upgrade. 

50. The key to happiness is to lower your expectations. Nope, lower. Lower than that even. 

51. Don't apologize for crying. It's the healthiest way for your body to release toxins and tension. 

52. Love is a choice. It's a decision you make with your brain. 

53. Your dryer can be a cupboard for clean clothes. Your dishwasher can be a drawer for clean dishes. 

54. Nothing will improve your life more than proximity to the people you love. 

55. Fairy, twinkle and patio lights are magical.

56. There is something sacred and beautiful listening to omas and opas belt out old hymns in glorious four part harmony. 

57. Comparison is the thief of joy. Hard stop.

58. Use beauty and creativity as weapons to wage war against negative headlines and depressing news. 

59. Having a BCAA membership is an investment in peace of mind. 

60. God still rolls away stones. 

61. Your body was never designed to last forever. Bits will break, fall off, fall out, change colour, change texture, and become unnecessary. 

62. If you're going to overthink, think about things that are honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious, excellent and worthy of praise. 

63. If you're unsure, ask, "Is this a problem you want my help to solve? Or should I listen and give you a hug?" 

64. Actively increase the surface area for joy to find you. Go outside, sit in a coffee shop, put together a team to play pub trivia,  travel to a neighbouring town, wander through an art gallery or museum, meet a friend for a picnic, visit a different church, share a batch of banana bread with a neighbour, be inquisitive, go on a side quest, catch Pokemon, join a group or a club or a gang. 

65. Pray. Pray for your kids, your parents, your sibs, your nieces and nephews, your friends, your friends' kids, your kids' friends, the leaders in your governments, your neighbours, the author of that book you just read, the producer who created the show you just binge-d, your doctor, your dentist, the server at White Spot, the guy who did the thing, the artist who sings the song, the actor who acts, the mom who's grieving, the eye guy who injects medicine into your retina, the people who delay traffic because they're widening the highway  ... 

And a bonus two because I'm generous like that:

66. Your legacy is not what they say about you, but how they live because they knew you. Consider your eulogy, not just your resume. 

67. Being their mom is all that and a bag of chips.

Thanks for dropping by.

Water your plants and your soul. Then go feel your boobs. 

xo

"In this great orchestra we call life, you have been given a unique instrument and a distinctive song. You owe it to the conductor (and the rest of us in the band with you) to play them both sublimely."