Wednesday, August 4, 2004

Sam I am. (or, I want to be like Samantha)

Trading Spouses.
Didja see it last night? Oy vey. What next?

In case you missed Fox Network’s latest offering of “unscripted, real life” entertainment, the premise of the series is along the lines of wife swapping without the sex. “Meet Your New Mommy” is the catch phrase.

One mommy is Samantha, a tanned and toned blonde bombshell from California who enjoys kick boxing, shopping, spending time with her daughter and throwing parties.

The other mom is Lisa from the east. She is an opinionated overweight dark haired dental hygienist who questions authority and enjoys bowling.

Both women are roughly the same age, and have families similar in size and number.
As far as I can tell, the point of the show is to have the women trade places for a period of time (a week? Maybe two?). They will receive $50,000 each for their troubles. The big twist came yesterday when they found out that they are not receiving their own $50,000, but they are to spend the other woman’s money. They can choose how to invest, splurge or blow the other family’s windfall.

Drew and I watched the entire hour and kept saying to each other, “this is stupid”.
But somehow, right at the end, I saw a splinter of significance in this program.

Stunningly sexy Samantha encourages her surrogate stout family to make wiser food choices. She cheers on the athletically-challenged son as he bowls one gutter ball after another. And she speaks kindly to the man of the house regarding his children.

Over on the California coast, Lisa shakes up the household she’s visiting, “Zac. Put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher while I’m out. Did you hear me? Zac, I want them done by the time I’m home. Katie, put all the clean clothes away. There’s no reason Maria (the daily maid) should be cleaning up after you.” And to the father, “I hope you realize I don’t cook. Have you got that?” And then to the camera she whined that this family was dysfunctional and unresponsive.

I so wanted the sexy one to be self-centred and princess-like. I was routing for Lisa to be the hero. She wasn’t. She was jes plain crabby.

Who am I more like?
Well, I have Samantha’s hair… but Lisa’s body. And, ugh, truth be told, some days I sound a lot like Lisa.

So my new year’s resolution, as of 9 pm last night, is to “Be like Samantha.”

Instead of bag-farting about the dishes not being done, Drew and I played a rousingly competitive game of Bingo. The climbed into my bed, set up two fans, grabbed all the pillows we could find, and read. His book was “Gentle Ben” and when ever he came to a good part, he’d read it out loud to me. I was reading “A Complicated Kindness” and whenever I laughed, he asked me to read it to him.
This morning, with Clint and Max at work, we had the house to ourselves. So we dusted the wood floors. By spraying our socks with Pledge then slippin’ n slidin’ all over them. Very effective. When we both crash landed we knew our work was done.

While I applied colour to my face and attempted to untangle the colossal knot in my hair, he had a deep water bubble bath in my bathroom’s tub. (He had a wash cloth covering his, you know…)
Then we baked a batch of chocolate chip cookies. He did all the measuring and mixing while I washed the dishes that had been soaking since yesterday evening.

We met my mom for a coffee at Starbuck’s then we browsed through Chapters.
So far, so good. A very Samantha-like day. I should have had a camera crew following me around.

I’m going to hate working full-time.

I need a Samantha-type husband. One who will support me in the lifestyle I was destined to live.

I think Kirstie Alley and I are looking for the same man.

Did you read her interview in the new People Magazine? She is single, 203 pounds and made the decision 4 1/2 years ago (when the relationship with her significant other ended) “I’m gonna be the best mother I can be”.
She is looking for a new partner and instead of concentrating on someone “who is good-looking and good in bed” she is hoping to find someone with mutual realities: “Someone I could be with would have to love children. I think that a 55 year old billionaire widower with six kids and a great place in Italy would be my item.”

Not if I find him first.


Three good things:
1. Mango and Blackberry scented shampoo
2. Garden Sheds
3. Nine year old boys who still like to hold their mom's hand

Not so good:
The parking lot at LC&T after a summer rain.

Take care,

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