I'm bent in half under the weight of my to do list

but I spent the evening on the phone talking to my mom.
For some reason (well, actually, I know the reason...) I was worried about being 90 years old and living in an old folks' home. And no one coming to visit me. And being all alone and lonely. And then feeling guilty for not visiting my grandparents enough. And then feeling guilty that my kids don't visit their grandparents enough. And then feeling sorry for myself that I won't be sharing my grandmotherly duties with a grandfather-type partner.
My mom, in her usual motherly way, assured me that I'd be fine. That everything would work out. That I don't need to worry about something that is 45 years away from happening. "Besides," she added "your friends' husbands will probably die first, so you and your friends can all hang out at the same old folk's home. You'll have fun. You'll see..."

But the conversation I had earlier in the evening set the tone...
A girlfriend, who is married with four little kids, just found out that her husband has a girlfriend. He doesn't want a divorce - he'd just like for her to understand that he wantss both of them in his life. And that he still can be a husband and father most of the time. It's just that every once in awhile, he has to get away for a break...like maybe once a week or so.
She called. Wondered what she should do. She doesn't have a job. And feels trapped.

My heart is sitting at the bottom of my stomach saddened by all the pain in this world.




Three things I'm thankful for:
1. Drew chose his dad as the parent who would help him with a large science project. Him and I played catch and giggled in the backyard after school instead having our usual nag session.
2. The weekend is just one shift away from being here. Scary how much I rely on Friday nights to perk me up.
3. That the worst of the divorce pain is a distant memory. I ache for those just starting the journey...

Shalom,