Thursday, January 10, 2008

I am leaving in 30 hours.

No, I am not ready.

The thought of making a list entered my mind but came right back out again. The last list I made, on December 30, has largely gone unnoticed. I glanced at it a few minutes ago and it made me ill.

What have I been doing with my spare time this month? How come nothing got done around here?

I told Mandi she could come stay at my place while the kids and I are away. Her mom is the neat sister. I am the one who is not. And the average person might not notice that, as 'the staged area' of my home is sometimes presentable. But those 'behind the scenes' areas are a disaster. And she will see them all if she sleeps here. And she will think less of me because I can't seem to get it all together these days. And the opinion of my 18 year old niece is suddenly very important.

My mom had no advance warning that her bowel was going to blow. But when it did, her house was clean, her closet was organized, her banking info was up-to-date and easy to figure out, her hair had just been permed, her eyebrows waxed, her legs shaved, her fridge stocked, her pajamas suitable.

I've had since October to get ready. And with the exception of ONE beautiful desk drawer, nothing is in order around here.

I have a live Christmas tree and it's still up. The needles are on the floor mind you.

My wrapping paper stuff is still set out on the dining room table.

My journals are not shredded.

My new pajamas are all shrunked.

My fridge still has weiners in it from the summer.

My closet is a science experiment in the effects of dust on wood, fabric and leather. So far as I can tell, it just dulls the finish. But I could be wrong. Maybe I better let it accumulate for another year.

Will I be able to enjoy myself, knowing I'm leaving chaos behind? I sure hope so. Cuz right now? I'm feeling tense and anxious and fat.

Three things I'm thankful for:
1. I still have tomorrow night to do stuff. Hopefully I won't be paralyzed with fear by the sheer volume of things I still have to do. In case you were wondering, being paralyzed with fear looks alot like being lazy.

2. Max said he'd do some stuff for me tomorrow while I'm at work as long as it doesn't involve heavy lifting. I wonder if a Christmas ornament would be considered heavy?

3. Clint has had all his shots for Africa. He has new glasses, a haircut and a tidy desk. He got new luggage for Christmas so he's good to go. At least one of us is. I bet he's not obsessing about pajamas that don't fit.

I should not blog tomorrow night.
I will not blog tomorrow night.
Assume I am going to spend the next 30 hours working, cleaning, packing and breathing.

I should be in Peurto Vallarta by supper on Saturday.
Will post then.
I'll be wearing shorts, my pedicured feet will be bare, and I will be enjoying the warm, evening breeze by the pool.


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