Tuesday, April 8, 2008

So, in bed beside me ...

... is my camera, laptop, card reader, 6 books (The Message, Power of a Praying Parent, Grace for the Moment, The Tipping Point, Grace Eventually, my camera manual and a notebook) and some clothes from out of the dryer.

I love this bed.


Denise took me out for lunch today, and as we were walking to the local cafe, she asked, "how're things going? Still having your ups and downs?"

I thought about it for a sec, then answered, "uh, mostly downs."

These past few weeks have been a time of discovery, and what I've uncovered isn't pleasant. You know how you've got your hunches? (Or hints from God that there's some stuff to be revealed?) Yeah, that. If you ask God to show you things unseen - and then He does, well, you pretty much have to deal with it, don't you?

And I just don't feel equipped to tackle it all. I'd rather nap. Or go to Prague. Or fold laundry. Or take self portraits.

I didn't go to see my dad today. I have a huge project at work that I cannot let slide. Plus Max has Math 10 from 4:30 - 6:00 pm at the Langley Education Centre, so I drive him to and from that class. I also didn't go see my mom - Julie said not to. She was there and it wasn't pretty. (I was there when mom came to after her hysterectomy in '86 and again in November after she had her perforated bowel removed. She doesn't come out of these things gracefully. She needs drugs in large quantities and not much else.) So I didn't go. But regardless of where my body is, my mind is always right there at Delta View with dad and in the hospital with mom.

Julie put in a long day. She picked mom up at 7:30 am and got her to the hospital by 8. She sat with mom til her surgery, then drove over to be with dad. She was back at the hospital at 3 and stayed til 7. I am SO glad she's my sister.

Tomorrow I'll take my turn. I'll take the kids to school, go to work, go to Delta View, go to the Surrey Hospital.

And this is how life will be for the next few weeks. Sure'd be nice if I got a husband out of the deal and I'm so just kidding.

People say that families pull together in times like this. And I wonder what kind of drugs those people have access to. It feels like mine is falling apart. There's no joy in Whoville these days.

There I go being all emo again.

I opened my Bible to Jeremiah, because on days like these, he seems to understand. I've completely personalized a passage that just might be taken out of context, but it's comforting me, so there.

From the 30th Chapter:

I'll turn things around for you, Jane
I'll compassionately come in and rebuild your home.
It will be rebuilt on old foundations
and it will be splendid again.
Thanksgiving will pour out of your windows,
laughter will spill though the doors.
Things will get better and better.
Depression days are over.
Your children will thrive, they'll flourish.
The days of contempt will be over.
You'll look forward to being with your children again,
and being a family in which I take pride.

Write down everything I tell you - maybe in a book? The time is coming when I will turn everything around for you. I, God, say so.

From the 29th:

I'll show up and take care of you as I promised. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen.

So, I start the day with a stomach ache, dreading every aspect of the 18 hours ahead of me; and I end it feeling a measure of peace, knowing He will take care of things.

Three things I'm thankful for:
1. Lunch today. Thanks, Denise.
2. Uncle Johnny, Hildegarde, Art 'n Anne, and others who are spending some afternoon hours with my dad, assuring him he's not retarded. Thanks so much for loving us ...
3. Mom's surgery went well.


Please pray ...

1. That mom gets relief from the pain. That she recovers quickly and heals completely. That no complications arise. That her hospital stay is restful and restorative.

2. That dad be able to handle his accomodations for the next two weeks. That he not go crazy, that he participate in the games and activities. That he not be so scared about the other residents. That his health would not deteriorate while he is there. That dad would always be in the company of a couple angels who comfort him when we're not there.

3. That my kids would feel God's hand on their lives. And that He would place a hedge of protection around them during this time.

Danke. Many thanks. From a grateful heart.

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