Thursday, May 8, 2008

I'm Having People Over Tomorrow

So, d'ya know what I did after work today?
Laid down on the couch and slept for 3 hours.
Had a bath.
Then watched The Office.
Then read all the websites that have discussions on The Office.

And now it's quarter to twelve.

I have wasted 6 hours.
My children would be proud.

Speaking of children ...

Do yours tire you out too?
Or is it just me?
I am emotionally exhausted. All the, you know, crappy stuff, and the endless, you know, being mad, and the never ending, you know, wanting more, and always, the, you know, bad decisions.

I know that ultimately they are God's. They are in His hands and He is able to accomplish His purposes for their lives without my help. He loves them, He died for them, He speaks to them, He directs their paths.

So where do I fit in?
That was easy to figure out when they were 2. And when they were 10.
And, to some degree, I finally know where I fit in when they're 21.
But this 13 - 18 age category is trickier.
All they want is someone to provide food, shelter, clothing and transportation. Not one thing more. No, really, NOT ONE THING MORE.
No advice, assistance, friendship, companionship, encouragement, discipline, conversation.

It's killin me.
Do I behave like a guardian of the state and provide for their basic needs and trust that God will handle all the stuff I can't? That seems wrong. Like a total waste of my talents. If they'd just let me, I know I could be the Martha Stewart of Mothers. I could be the Meryl Streep of Moms. I could be the Ferrari of the Female Parental Unit.

Why did he pick ME to be their mom? Because I have a truck with 7 seatbelts? Because I make a mean Kraft Dinner? Because I could provide them each with their own bedrooms? That's it? If He gave me this overwhelming need to be an magna cum laude mom, why did he match me up with kids who want an academic probation mom?

So weird the way that worked out.

Three things I'm thankful for:
1. My dining room is still clean. I'll just make sure everyone spends the entire evening in that room tomorrow.
2. Only 1200 letters to fold and stuff tomorrow at work. I am a machine. I am the Meryl Streep of mailouts.
3. I finally got around to making an appointment to get those stitches out of my back. "Oh my goodness! Those were supposed to have been taken out 10 days after your surgery. Not 5 months later."
"I know. I've been busy. And now they're really itchy."


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi Jane,
Don't be so hard on youself, you are doing a great job. By the way I did finish grade 12 just short 3 credits, and I did take a real estate course and passed. Doesn't that count as further education? Life has been an education that you can't get in school. Motherhood is a great school of learning life's lessons. It's the hardest course of all, and we don't know what grade we'll get till we get to heaven. Love you, Mom