June 22
I went to White Rock Beach by myself.
Ate Moby Dick's Fish n Chip's on the patio at a table by myself.
Wrote this in my journal:
Listening:- to crying babies and screaming children
(Ate a late lunch, sharing patio space with an extended family who spoke Italian to each other and English to their dog, Jake, who was told to sit (SIT) (SIT JAKE!!) every 45 seconds for over an hour. (Every time Jake lowered his haunches, everyone exclaimed what a good boy Jake was.) It was a chorus of "Sit Jakes" and "Good Boy Jakes" during my meal. When they took a break in dog training and spoke Italian to each other, I could almost imagine that I was on the Riviera...
.
Watching:
- the tide slowly come in
- skim boarders who are less skilled than Clint
- seagulls circling overhead and thinking the pelicans on the beaches in Mexico were more interesting to look at
- bocci ballers in the sand, laughing and enjoying each other's company
- families walking and talking on the beach
- sweethearts holding hands and leaning into each other
.
Feeling:
- that soothing, refreshing, cooling ocean breeze
- the late afternoon sun warming my legs
- burning in my eyes as the mascara on my eyelashes melts
- a little conspicuous of being the only single in a place teeming with groups of people
Praying:
- for friends who are hurting
- for children who are rebelling
- for opportunities to connect with my kids
- for wisdom and patience
- for a sunny summer
Observing:
- an Indo-Canadian family with 3 sons ... kid's playing on the beach, dad lying on his back in the grass on a blanket, gently rubbing his wife's back as she sits beside him keeping an eye on the kids who are building sandcastles and visiting picture-taking-middle-aged-neighbours:
Loving: being here
Happy: that I bought some new clothes
Wishing: my kids had a full time dad
Hoping: I don't get shit on
Regretting: some of the decisions I made in the 80's
Wondering: what I'd do if, like, Sandra's friend, Mel, I had only 6 days left to live?
Thankful: that I have a place like this to go to. And I have a way of getting here.
Wondering: what God has in store for me? My kids?
Planning: on being more intentional about my list of 101 things.
Realizing: that alot can change in 1001 days ...
Giving thanks: that I have people who listen to me cry and moan on the phone during that time of the month when I have no business talking to anyone
Wondering: if a person can still get a tan from a 6:30 pm sun ray?
Thinking: I should pick up some Midol, Advil and Chocolate on my way home
Wondering: if I've done anything today that pleases God?
Feeling: pride in Clint's writing
Wanting: to plan a road trip
Feeling: the missing filling behind my top front tooth with my tongue
Hoping: that when I hoist my lard butt off this low rider lawn chair I won't embarass myself by propelling forward and over the embankment.
Noticing: that there are less and less people around me
Wondering: if homeschooling was an option I should have considered more seriously
Thinking: now would be a good time to leave as chocolate is calling me.
I left.
I picked up Drew from his dad's house, picked up those items that I had been fantasizing about on the beach and lasted at home for about 10 minutes. Sometimes, you just have to run away. So I did.
Rather than stay and fight, I got back in my truck and drove randomly.
I ended up on Seymour Mountain and came across a few black bears and a deer (who ran alongside me as I was descending. THAT felt weird.) I prayed the entire trip, handing over stuff I can't handle to God AGAIN.
Three things I'm thankful for:
1. "God" days.
2. My truck.
3. Midol.
Shalom,
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