Thursday, February 19, 2009

I'm not packing my laptop.

I know, right?
I'm determined to "stay in the moment" the entire time I'm in Winnipeg.
So that means; no blogging, no facebook and no scrabble.

I'm leaving at 3 on Friday and God willing, will be back at noon on Sunday.

Max got home from Big White on Wednesday night.
Clint left for Silver Star this afternoon.
Drew is leaving for Hemlock tomorrow afternoon.

Lately it feels like we all use this building as if it were a hotel. A cheap one. With no maid service. I need a wife. (In a non-gay way.)
(Ha! Dr. Leman agrees with me. He said, in last night's taping, that what all single mom's need is a wife to look after things while they're out working. I knew it! I was right.)

I spent a portion of the evening at the Mall wishing I wasn't there.
As is my usual way of preparing for events, (ie buying new clothes the night before) I spent too many minutes in my underwear in a tiny floursescent lit room looking at my body's bumps, wrinkles and dimples in shocked horror.
Vern? Ellie? This is your warning: I. Am. Fat. Prepare yourself.

And, Vern? Ellie? I am only packing jeans and track pants. I will be wearing clothes that fall into that category just slightly above sloppy-casual. Hope that's OK...

I think it's time for a list.
Things on my mind:
1. I wish I hadn't fallen asleep with my cool polka dotted reading glasses on my face. They are very much broken and now I have to bring my old-lady-half-glasses along. Ugh. I will have to wear them on the plane. If my old-lady clothes don't give away my age, my granny glasses will. Maybe I'll have to stop on my way to the airport and get new ones...

2. I've finished reading all my cool books. What am I going to read on the plane? Because what you read says alot about you. People will judge me. And if I have to wear fat clothes and granny glasses, the least I can do is read a cool book. Maybe I'll borrow one of Clint's Dave Egger's books. Or re-read Outliers. Maybe I'll have to stop on my way to the airport to get a new one...

3. If I die on this trip, are my affairs in order. Not like love affairs, but financial things. Does mom have a copy of my will? Have I paid all my bills? I should leave a list of all my passwords behind so someone can mention my death on my blog and change my facebook status.

4. I was only going to pack a carry-on because, come on! I'm only going to be gone for 40 hours. And I'm only bringing clothes that can be crunched. And I'm not bringing my laptop. And seriously, how many books do I need to bring? (12 travel hours = 3 books. Tops.) But. But there's that 'liquids and creams rule' and I just don't want to re-containerize all my Neo Strata Cleaning solutions. Or squeeze shampoo into tiny ziplock bags. Or buy different toothpaste. SO, I'm still putting everything into my carry on. But I'm going to check it. Yup, you read that right. I'm checking my carry on and going to get on the plane carrying only a purse. Like Paris Hilton.

5. Do you have a Compassion child? How many times do you send him/her a letter? My new year's resolution was to send 6 letters to each of them this year. I only sent 3 last year. But it's hard to know what to say, you know? Alfredo (I picked him because I love Alfredo sauce on pasta) sent me a picture of all the things he bought with the birthday money I sent him. He wears brightly colored and wildly patterned shiny speedo-style underwear. Yeah. How do I respond to that? And I haven't even heard from Rolande yet... (I picked her because she was the only girl left on the table.)

6. September? I don't have time to write you an email so I'll just put this here. I know what it's like to have an ex-husband say he is expecting a child with another woman. You will live through this. Honestly and truly you will. And Allison will love her new little sibling. And you will live through that. And if Dave decides to marry Dee, you will live survive. And there will be joy in your life again. Trust me.

The Dave door is closed. It might even be locked.
You can try to wiggle or pry it open, but it looks pretty locked to me.
Sucks.
But also, YAY!
Now you've got the freedom to look around at other doors. French doors. Sliding doors. Transom doors. Red painted doors. Etched glass doors. Solid oak doors. One or two of those doors might have a guy behind them ... but my prayer for you right now, is that you push on a door that swings open easily and that you find yourself in a bright, glowing, happy place that fills your soul with peace. I pray that you are entering a season of contentment and that no man would come along and muddle things up for you. I think your heart and your mind need a chance to rest and recuperate from the disappointment and pain you've endured these past couple years. Give yourself permission to enjoy your life exactly the way it is.

7. I meant to make a doctor's appointment this week to get a perscription for sleeping pills. I hope the bedroom Vern puts me in is at the opposite end of the house from her and Rob. What if I stay awake all night, worrying about snoring? Because I probably will, you know. And then how awesome will I look?

8. I meant to make an appointment to get my eyebrows and forearms waxed. But that last place I went to (because my other 2 favorite places relocated to far away communities)closed down. I was suspicous of them, remember? (If I wasn't so lazy, I'd link to that post. But then I'd have to admit how long it's been since I've had my eyebrows shaped. And I think, based on their hairyness, that's it been at least half a year. HALF A YEAR. I look like a gorilla.) Vern? Ellie? Please don't look at my face. Or my arms. Or my stomach.

9.

Can't think of a number nine.
An 8 item list is respectable. And this post is long enough.
If I die though, in an airplane crash or something, this will be my last post.
I should add something spiritual, shouldn't I?

Dear God,
Thank you for all the opportunities my kids and I have to connect with friends. Thank you for our friends. Thank you for my kids.
Please be with each of us this weekend - let our conversations be pleasing to you. Give us wisdom and courage. Patience and peace. Let each of us be Your hands and Your feet in whatever situations we find ourselves in. Please send your Spirit to protect and guide us.
Thank you for loving us; help us to share that love to whomever you place in our paths.

Please bring us all home safely on Sunday afternoon,
Amen.

4 comments:

Looseweight said...

being fat is not abig deal , one can easily loose it with little work

Anonymous said...

You sure are tough on yourself at times - its almost painful to read but I guess you can say that you are honest....but is that healthy? Who says being "fat" and "hairy" is so bad? If the goal isn't to stay single, I would steer any potential suitors away from your blog unfortunately. But I love reading it, but I rubber neck car wrecks too...sorry. I'm not meaning for this comment to get posted but I've read your blog since last summer and the Feb 19th update pushed me over the edge to comment for the first time. You have many pros to offer, I would work on those and give less energy to your perceived cons.

Anonymous said...

I know blogspot, tracks IP address and such but I really, really don't know you personally. I have friends whose friends know you - I won't say who - but I'm just a happily married guy who finds your blog intriguing.

Jane said...

Hi Anonymous,

Blogspot may track IP addresses but I don't. Your anonymous-ity is safe.

Regarding my singleness... it's not a goal or a curse, it's just my current status. I'm OK with it.

Regarding 'potential suitors' that you would steer away from my blog... THANK YOU.
I am 48 years old. The whole of us born is the early '60's have image issues (real or imagined)and suitors/husbands/partners have to be able to deal with our insecurities. If my potential suitors are turned off by my perceived weight and hair issues (which, really, are only a small part of who I am) then you are wise not to send them to pixnprose to prescreen me as potential wife material.

I am not a car wreck. Have you not been reading? I am fabulous. :)

Thanks for the advice that I spend more energy on the pros that I could offer a potential suitor. Unfortunately, I'm not in the market right now. I'm expending my dwindling perimenapausal energy on raising three sons, keeping my house upright, supporting my mom while she cares for my dad, being a decent friend to my friends, planning vacations where I can explore this awesome world we live in, and making a difference for His kingdom in whatever way He asks me to.

I got no time to work on my "pros" for some unknown potential suitors.

Thanks for visiting. And commenting. I am always astounded when I find out a guy reads this drivel. You are a brave, brave man.