Saturday, June 6, 2009

Is a Life Partner Essential to Your Happiness?

K sent me the link to a blog this morning, so of course I had to spend an hour reading through it. THIS "Question of the Day" (Is a Life Partner Essential to Your Happiness) stopped me dead in my tracks. Well, it wasn't the question, so much as it was the answers.

They (Carrie and Danielle) got 52 responses to their question about life partners.
Do I have an answer?
Do you?

You may not know this about me, but sometimes I obsess. Overthink things. Dwell too much on one thought. I have a feeling I'll be gnawing on this question all day. For now, my gut/heart (interchangeable organs sometimes) tells me:

No. A life partner is not ESSENTIAL. A person can be happy without one.
Because I cannot imagine someone ever loving me enough to want to spend the rest of his life with (flawed, imperfect, lumpy) me, I am determined, dag nab it, to be content and happy without a life partner (also known as a "husband" in these parts...).

Happiness is a choice, no?
I have decided to be happy in these circumstances. Just like a person who is married has to decide to be happy in their circumstances. (News flash: being married doesn't automatically bump you into the happy-all-the-time category. Life time partners may be very disappointing. You have to deal with it.)

That being said, though, given all the possible lifestyle arrangements available on this planet, I think, given an option, I'd rather be married to a man who loves Jesus, me and my children and is committed to making a forever-marriage work. Raising issue-laden teenaged boys is exhausting, and I would have loved a partner to share this load with me. (Hahahha. Can you IMAGINE? THAT'S my number one reason for wanting to get married? To get help? Can you see the line-up forming around the block of available, interested men?)

I am a realist and accept that I missed the boat on a happily-ever-after life partner. Really. People should not be choosing spouses in grade 9 based on the way a person looks from the backside when they walk down the science wing hallway.

Drew is in grade 9. I had a crush on his dad when he was in grade 9.
And I thought we were sooooo mature.
Pleazzzzee.

Where was I? What were we talking about? .....
Oh yeah, Is A Life Partner Essential to Happiness?

The God answer is No. He is enough. The rest is icing.

The woman-who-has-lived-on-her-own-for-ten-years anwer is No. There is much joy and pleasure and freedom to be had in a life lived partnerless.

The mother-who-is-raising-boys-who-are-looking-for-their-life-partners answer is No. Do not search for happiness in a girl. Figure a few things out about yourself and who God created you to be BEFORE you pick that life partner. Choose brides who are confident and fulfilled and have purpose and do not look to "boys" as the source of their happiness. Trust God and follow the path that He has laid before you. Know that, because He loves you, in His perfect time, if it's part of His will for your life, He will reveal to you a partner who is already walking on their own path, which criss crosses and aligns perfectly with yours.

And then? Then you will look like these folks, who are the very picture of mature love:





“The love we have in our youth is superficial compared to the love that an old man has for his old wife.” — Will Durant
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So, what're your thoughts? Is a life partner essential to your happiness?

4 comments:

Jane said...

And Rudy? Marg? I loved the quote, but in no way think that you are OLD.
Jus sayin.

Anonymous said...

Old is a positive thing for us!!
Thanks, awesome article.
Marg

n1smo said...

life partners eh.. you nailed it with "Do not search for happiness in a girl. Figure a few things out about yourself and who God created you to be BEFORE you pick that life partner. Choose brides who are confident and fulfilled and have purpose and do not look to "boys" as the source of their happiness. Trust God and follow the path that He has laid before you. Know that, because He loves you, in His perfect time, if it's part of His will for your life, He will reveal to you a partner who is already walking on their own path, which criss crosses and aligns perfectly with yours."

Christine said...

As usual, reading your blog is drawing from the well of wisdom. Good stuff. Thought provoking and poignant. And I agree with you--so often the God of the universe meets us in our struggles and pain. But why-oh-why-oh-why did he wire us women to sizzle to life when it comes to romance between a man and woman? It's a hard world. Sorry to be a downer.