I'm borrowing an antique, naked laptop. (Antique because it's older than mine. Naked because it's harddrive has been wiped clean and there's nothing on it. Nothing. Just solitaire. No word processing software. No software at all. Just windows and solitaire.)
I borrowed it so that I'd have access to the internet.
When I got up today? There was no internet. All the lights are blinking on those internet-to-the-house-box-thingys on the floor under my desk that indicate the internet is alive and active.
I don't understand.
So I spent the morning doing laundry, dishes, organizing my wallet and desk, and checking the connection every 10 minutes or so. At 2:00 I decided to go to the library but first I needed to shower, and do my hair and makeup and get dressed and yadda yadda blah blah and just before I left the house I took my library card out of my wallet (I wish I could show you how many cards I have in my wallet right now. Actually, hang on a sec. I'll count them quickly. It has to be quickly because I only have 5 minutes of internet time left. Uh...... right. There are 76 cards in my purse/wallet (I know, right?) and I didn't want to be sorting through them in the library so I put it in the pocket of my shirt right over my left boob.)
When I pulled up to the parking lot, there were NO spaces left. Did everyone in the whole entire world decide to come to the library today? I got all worried that there'd be no computer terminal for me to use.
I parked a few blocks away, ran to the library and dropped my butt into the chair at the closest available terminal. The mouse was wonky and I could tell it was going to frustrate me but I'd been disconnect from the internet for 12 hours and was showing withdrawal symptons.
I patted my left boob and there was no card there. I patted my right boob. Then put my hands in both pockets and squeezed both boobs. (My white load is still in the dryer, so I'm braless in the library. And I'm feeling myself.)
I pulled all 76 cards out of my walllet like they were a deck of playing cards and and and could not find my library card. But I found Drew's old one.
So I tried his number.
I walked up to the librarian and asked if he could check Drew's number for me. Yeahhhhh. That card hadn't been used in 4 years. If I could show him Drew's Medical Care Card or my driver's license, he'd update his library card for me.
I just sent Drew's new (we lost his original) Care Card to Alberta with him, so I stealthly tried to rifle through my cards without pulling them out of my purse so that he couldn't see how many pieces of plastic I was trying to manage. Low and behold, there, amongst all those cards, was Drew's original Care Card! So I triumphantly pulled it out of my purse like it was a winning lottery ticket. And right behind it was my Driver's License. So I handed that over to him as well.
"Could I get a new card too?"
This request very much excited the library man, and he went about his business with joy in his fingertips. As he's processing our new cards, he mentions the noise that is erupting from the back of the library. "Oh, the awards must be over. Be warned... 167 people will be coming through these doors. It was the summer reading program... all the kids who participated came into today for a party..."
All I could think of was 'the computer terminals! 167 people? Those empty terminals are going to be snapped up in seconds. I'm never going to get on the internet today.' I have never taken drugs, nor have I ever had alcohol. But I swear I was needing to get connected to facebook like a crack addict needs a hit. I was forcing myself to stand at that front desk while Mr. Library Man carefully entered my phone number and my address into his computer, confirming each number as he went. I kept looking at the row of computers and the 167 people pouring out of the back room and finally I just stepped away from the desk, and put my purse on the chair next to the closest computer. Shoddy.
I shoddied that computer.
My purse was holding my spot for me. My purse with 76 cards in it.
I was willing to open myself up to the possibility of identity theft (can you imagine! 76 cards all connected to me) - THAT'S HOW DESPERATE I WAS.
My cards/wallet/purse were not stolen. Drew and I both have new library cards. (Thank goodness I got one for him too. A person is only allowed 1 hour of internet access per day, and it's taking me that long just to tell this story, never mind check my emails, peak at facebook or read the blogs I follow. So I used up my hour, and now I'm using his.)
Here I am. Where I belong. In front of a connection with my fingers tapping the keyboard. The tension has left my body and I'm relaxed. The crazy has left my eyes and the adreneline rush that was screaming through my system has dissipated.
And the message that I was hoping would be waiting for me in my inbox after all that?
Totally not there.
Three things I'm thankful for:
1. Heading to a wedding in a few minutes. Looking forward to connecting with all those friends again.
3. Four day weekends.
PS. I will be putting the rest of my underwear on before I head to the wedding. Jus sayin.