1. People compulsively protect inner feelings.
2. Only "certain" feelings are okay.
3. Performance is more important than the person.
4. There are many taboo subjects, lots of secrets.
5. Everyone must conform to the strongest person's ideas and values.
6. There is punishment, shaming.
7. There are lots of "shoulds".
8. The rules are unclear, inconsistent and rigid.
9. The atmosphere is tense.
10. There is much anger and fear.
11. Stress is avoided and denied.
12. Family members feel tired, hurt and disappointed.
13. Growth is discouraged.
14. People have low self worth.
15. Coalitions form across generations.
On the other hand ... in a nuturing family -
1. People feel free to talk about inner feelings.
2. All feelings are okay.
3. There person is more important than the performance.
4. All subjects are open to discussion.
5. Individual differences are accepted.
6. Each person is responsible for his/her actions.
7. Respectful criticism is offered along with appropriate consequences for actions.
8. There are a few "shoulds".
9. The atmosphere is relaxed.
10. There is joy.
11. Family members face up to work through stress.
12. People have energy.
13. People feel loving.
14. Growth is celebrated.
15. People have high self-worth.
16. There is strong parental coalition.