Friday, January 15, 2010

A Little Bit Very Tired

On Monday night, I left you with the impression that I was having a lovely non-frantic day of fasting. No agenda. No panicked prayers to God. (I originally typed "emails" to God) (Who me? I'm fine. I'm alert. I'm on top of my game. Sure. Don't we all communicate to the Almighty via electronic mail?)...

Anyway, I went to bed at 2, and as I cleared my mind so that it would shut off already, the wind picked up outside, just a little bit, just enough so that the jasmine vine on the west (non-windowed) side of the house jiggled and scratched and gave me a teensy freak out. On the east (also non-windowed) side of the house, the grapevine shook and scraped and my freak got bigger.

I have stayed in a house by my lonesome a gazillion trillion times over the years. I can count on two hands how often I have been scared. (Eight. Eight out of eleventy hundred.) Well, now nine, because I got scared on Monday night. Irrational, I totally know.

I relocked all the doors in my mind. Relocked all the windows in my mind. Then really, really wished one of my boys was sleeping in their room across the hall. And from there, I just jumped in with two feet and both legs into the urgent, begging-type prayers for those things on my list that never go away. I fell asleep around 4. Then went to work, counting the hours til 2 pm when I could eat again.

On Tuesday night, Drew was back here again, and after he went to bed, I blogged about being fun this year. Again, I went to bed at around 2 and thought about laughing. When was the last time I'd laughed with my youngest? I recalled that it had been only a few weeks ago when his friends Brett and John were over and I started to giggle at something Brett had said, and then I just let loose and laughed til I couldn't breathe.

They made fun of my laughter and said it reminded them of the last time I'd done that.

So while I'm lying in bed, I'm trying to remember what was so dang funny that other time when I couldn't even stand upright I was laughing so hard. And then, I remembered. It was Marj's story. And as the details came back to me, I started to giggle. Then giggle some more. Then laugh. And before long, I was howling. And trying to catch my breath. And the laughs kept coming in waves and I was hiccupping and snorting and the tears kept streaming down my cheeks and I was getting louder and it was getting funnier and my stomach hurt from all the exercise and I couldn't stop and I thought to myself, "Should I go wake up Drew to show him how fun I can be?"

Anyway, it took awhile to settle after all that frivolity, so it was another short night with me falling asleep around 3:30 am. But hey, I'm a trooper and I like the baggy, wrinkly eye look so it was all good.

On Wednesday, I was going to drive Drew and his friends up to Cypress after school so they could 'board for a few hours. And because it was craft night, another mom was going to pick them up later in the evening. And, know what? It's an easy gig, being fun, when you're the one picking the kids up from early dismissal and taking them to a mountain. All you need is a radio that works, money for a McDonald's snack, and a smile.

But then. The universe conspired against my quest for the Fun Mom of the Year award. This is Vancouver, not Florida, and WE are not experiencing freezing temperatures. Oh no. It's a balmy wet world we live in, here on the wet coast. So the mountain was closed. (By the way, this mountain that was closed is where a few of the WINTER OLYMPIC EVENTS will be held. They are stock piling the snow near the top of the mountain - saving it so that they move it lower when they need it in February.)

And then. Just as I was packing up to leave work, it was mentioned to me that the project I was 'moving forward' to the point of printing, needed to be read over in it's entirety that afternoon. So I photocopied 40 devotionals (one per day for the Lent season) and went to get Drew from school.

"Sorry that the snowboarding thing didn't work out today."
"Yeah. Know that next week you're going to have to drive us to Seymour instead. OK?"
"Well, next Wednesday is my book club night, so it might have to wait til the following week."
"OK. What're you doing today?"

And here is where I am FUN. Are you ready?
"I've got 80 pages of reading to do. Forty devotionals need to be edited. And then I have some friends coming over. We're going to drink tea, talk about our kids and maybe make a craft. I thought you were going to be with your friends at Cypress..."

So he went to the family room to watch The Simpsons with his laptop on his lap, and I went into the living room and got a warm and cozy and settled in with my 40 devotionals, looking forward to being blessed when I simply fell asleep. Psshawwh. This fun mom was passed on the couch in her work clothes, with papers everywhere, snoring and drooling for an hour.

If YOU were a 15 year old boy, wouldn't YOU want a mom like that?

Craft night was awesome as always. I got not one creative thing done but who cares. It's not like it's a contest or anything. There's no prize. It's doesn't matter. Quit being so competitive already.

The last "crafter" left at 1:40, so I had a bath, got into my summer pajamas (because your legs get hot after a bath, no?) and snuggled into bed with 35 photocopied pages to read and edit. I finished up and was asleep at 3.

Today Shannon was at work (YAY, oh very big YAY) (she's back from Greece) to give me a hand with the formating and printing of the Lenten Project and it was awesome to have someone under 32 in the office again. They (Gen Y's) are Just. So. Capable.

I came home from work and thought I'd have a quick nap before heading out for the evening, (Drew's back at this dad's for the next two nights) but by the time I curled up on the couch, it was 4:55 pm. I got back up again, rebent my bangs, fluffed more powder on my nose, flossed my teeth, and was in my truck at 5:10 pm heading north to meet friends for dinner.

The lack of sleep was worth it.
I love talking.
Then after dinner, we saw this:

And can I tell you something?
If I ever get married again, I want the guy to propose on bended knee.
That last time I got engaged? I was the one kneeling. (I was on the driveway, pulling weeds. He walked over, pulled the ring out of his pocket and said, "So? You wanna get married, beauts?")

I just need to see some effort/imagination/longing next time.

Regarding the movie; it's exactly what you'd expect it to be. No surprises. Every single romantic situation-cliche' is used. And it's exactly perfect to see with your girlfriends.

Three things I'm thankful for:
1. God sure knew what He was doing when He made the Irish shoreline, eh? Whoaaa. I wonder if I can manage a visit to the Emerald Isle this summer, seeing I'll be in England anyway.
2. The opportunity to read 40 devotionals written by Arrow alumni. Insightful. Encouraging. Reflective. I am fortunate.
3. I will so very definitely be sleeping in on Saturday morning. Just you watch and see.


Oh shoot. I almost forgot.
Seeing I didn't answer one yesterday, I have TWO questions to ponder today:

What one thing could you do to improve your prayer life this year?
What single thing that you plan to do this year will matter most in ten years? In eternity?

Improve my prayer life?
I started last year being very systematic in my commitment to praying for other people on a regular basis. I had a calendar in my bathroom and at the start of every month, I'd fill each square with names of families and organizations/churches/ministries. But in the fall, when things kinda fell apart around here, I didn't even glance at the calendar, I just prayed in desperation for those urgent items that were in the forefront of my mind.

Rather than beat myself up, I gave myself grace saying, "well, at least they got half a year's worth of prayers out of me."

This year, instead of being so organized (rigid), my motto is to 'pray for folks as God brings them to mind.' It's a gentler approach, no? I find that facebook helps to bring folks to mind. :)

I don't know if this is an improvement necessarily... but for me it's a change. I guess we'll see at the end of the year, whether or not God likes the new format based on how many of my prayers get positive responses.

And the other question, that one about what thing I plan to do this year that will make a difference in 10 years? In eternity?

OK. At this point, I'm thinking of cashing in some RRSP's to pay for a new vehicle and/or tickets to England. Having less money in my RRSP account TODAY will probably make a difference in my ability to retire in 10 years. And it's probably not a wise decision to cash in a long term investment for a non-appreciating asset. But unless I take on a second job or fill the empty bedrooms with exchange students, I'm not sure how I will be able to save/earn enough money to be able to take advantage of the England opportunity or replace my dying truck.

Now it could be that that question wasn't asking about financial decisions. Maybe the point of the question was to think about spiritual things. In which case, I'd have to say, the thing I do that will matter in 2020? Is pray. And that's the only thing that I will do this year that will matter in eternity as well.

Just pray.

(One of the friends that I was with this evening said that she and her husband were doing this list, one question at a time, all month too. When she said that, my heart burst into a great big smile. She shared some of her responses with me as we stood in a puddle in the Colossus parking lot under a tiny umbrella for an hour. Good times, good times.)

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