Friday, March 2, 2012

All About Me

So. I had this great plan.
I was going to be uber selfish for 4 weeks. Maybe longer if I liked it.

It had come to my attention, that now that Drew is in grade 12 and would rather die than have his mom pick him up from school, I have some free time.
Free to do as I please time.

So I joined the gym located near the office.
I can be at my desk one minute, and four minutes later be in the change room.
It took longer than expected to actually get my membership sorted out. (No available parking on my first attempt. Didn't realized I needed to make an appointment on my second attempt. Appointment took longer than anticipated on third attempt. So while I got the membership, I ran out of time to actually burn a calorie.)

Total number of days I made it to the gym in February? TWO.

I also bought a tanning package at a salon near my house. I didn't buy 'minutes', I bought unlimited tanning for 4 weeks. (Don't do this.)

Total numbers of tanning sessions enjoyed in February? FOUR

Who can tell what the future brings?
There's that verse in the Bible about man making plans and God laughing.
He must've really thought it was funny when I eyeballed my daily schedule and saw an extra hour each day for me.

Anyway, I guess it's a good thing that I do have some after work hours available. I've spent them on the endlessly-under-construction-Fraser Hwy going back and forth to the hospital. One lane. One hour each way because of all the delays. And then one hour with my dad.

Today's visit was quiet. He has stopped eating, so he was weak.
He, the man who 'ate anything' has turned into a picky eater. He likes chocolate milk, corn pops cereal, perogies, King Crab from the Keg, and spaghetti with Baby Duck from the Spaghetti Factory. None of these items are on the menu at the hospital.

Tonight, when his nurse noticed that I had brought him some tortellini with meat sauce and a juice box, she asked that we continue to bring him meals.  Healthy meals. And No More Chocolate Milk.

When I told him that Julie would not be bringing him chocolate milk in the morning, he looked sad. Then brightened he up and asked, "Can she bring me a Revel? I like Revels." (Chocolate covered ice cream on a stick.)
"Sorry dad. The nurse said you can't have those things for a few days. Your stomach is upset, so we need let it settle... OK? Tomorrow there will be no chocolate milk, no ice cream."
His eyes looked dull, then he closed them.
"But tomorrow is still going to be a good day without them. A very good day. OK?"
He just stared at me.

He doesn't believe me.


Know what else is happening during this 4 week period when it's supposed to be "All About Me"?

Did I tell you what I'm giving up?

Facebook Games.
Games that I rock at: Wheel of Fortune, Scrabble, Words with Friends.

I figured that by giving up game playing (which I LOVE doing at the end of the day), I'd gain at least an hour - maybe two, to pray, read my Bible, or a book, and blog deep thoughts.

Know what?
I pray for the two hours I'm driving back and forth to Surrey. I don't turn on the radio, and do not want to listen to my own thoughts. So I pray. And against my will, go back to my own thoughts. So I stop thinking and pray for my parents. Then I wonder what it would be like to be married again. Then pray about my kids. Then fantasize about how awesome it would be to have a man be crazy in love with me. And pray about my upcoming holiday. Then day dream about my new home (which I have to buy one of these days) and wonder realistically how many good years I'd get out of a second marriage before health/aging issues turn us into each other's caregivers and would we have invested enough time in each other beforehand so that we wouldn't resent the commitment it takes to wipe someone else's bum for them? And then I pray for my friends' marriages. And my kids' marriages. And Max's job situation. And Clint's life. And Danica's surgery. And whatever else crosses my mind, and let me tell you something. It's exhausting trying not to listen to one's thoughts.

All that to say, at the end of the day, what I really want to do? Is play Wheel of Fortune on Facebook because I am in control there. I have solved 2403 games. And was unable to solve 4.

I really don't feel like praying some more.
I just don't.

So sometimes I go back to the daydreams.

Seriously. It would be better if I just started playing games again.


The other thing that is going on at this EXACT same time? Me and one of my sons have challenged each other to give up something. My thing is chocolate bars.
No games.
No me-time.
And no chocolate bars.

I'm pretty grumpy.


Three things I'm thankful for:
1. Danica's surgery went well. She's recovering at home. Thanks for praying.
2. This couch in this living room.
3. I lent Dani The Hunger Games books, which she is reading. She lent me the Eragon series, which I am reading. Just finished the third one:

Shalom friends.
Tomorrow will be a good day, even if there is no chocolate milk or chocolate bars in it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Jane it is never to late to remarry. Wayne's Grandfather remarried at the grand old age of 75.