Saturday, June 9, 2012

Thoughts and Feelings

I'm back at home after spending the night and most of the day at my mom's place.
I'm drowning in feelings:

1. A desperate someone was in my house, touching things. Taking things. I don't feel safe. I keep walking to the doors and checking to make sure they're locked.

2. I look at my toothbrush and wonder if they did something to it. You know, to be mean or spiteful.

3. They probably didn't. They just took stuff and left. Nothing was vandalized or broken or messed up. (We did a nice job of ransacking it before they arrived.)

4. I really, really want my laptop back. It's probably in a ditch or trash bin. I feel absolutely sick about all the info and images that are lost.

5. My mom's house is not mine. It's her's.

6. I slept in my dad's bed last night and it was weird. On too many levels to discuss. I don't know if I could do that again.

7. Because I was up til 4:30 am, I didn't go visit my dad in the morning. And the feelings around that are mostly guilt-laden. He has long boring days; regardless of all that it happening in my life - his doesn't change. He still sits there, waiting for someone to come. Sigh.

8. I'm afraid to look at my insurance policy.

9. I need to look for receipts. Like, of an engagement ring that was purchased in 1983. I? Am not a bookkeeper. I'm almost positive I don't have it. I don't even have a place where I would put it.

10. I wonder if baking banana chocolate chip muffins would make this feel more like home again. Would it make me feel normal again?

1 comment:

Diane said...

Bake the muffins, pray God's blessings over your home, eat the muffins, have a bath, a cry, and then a drink.
I can imagine some of what you're feeling, but I've never had someone break in to my home and touch my things.
I will pray for you all through the night (I'll be up LATE working and then up to pee, then the dogs will have to pee, etc. etc.). God has you.