Obsessing over,
Working on,
Thinking about,
Anticipating,
Listening to,
Eating,
Praying for,
Happy about,
Wishing.
I am obsessing over: my dad. Oh my goodness. It just keeps getting harder and harder. The current issue we're dealing with is his inability to swallow. He is choking and gagging through his meals and med administration. He turns deep purple and is unable to breath. He's frightened and weepy.
And these past two days, when mom and Jule visit, he talks of dying. And his fear of doing so.
He yells and cries out for my mom when she's not at his side. He's inconsolable.
Tonight, while I was there, we seriously considered the option of transferring him to the hospital where they would use an IV to get his drugs into him, and use a tube to suction out the phlegm in his throat. When the nurses and care aides left the room, I held his hand and prayed out loud for him. Then I called mom on my cellphone, and she talked to him. And I called Drew, and asked him to reassure his Bups that he (Drew) was really still alive. (My dad was convinced that Drew had passed away and he was grieving.)
After that, he settled, so I asked Shona, the night nurse, to try suctioning him right there in the room, while I held his head and whispered into his ear. I reminded him that he had held Drew at the dentist's office EXACTLY LIKE THIS, when they suctioned his spit out. I told him over and over that I was proud of him and he was being so brave.
I fed him some Ensure, thickened to pudding consistency, and some pureed peaches that were jello-like. And, praise be to God, I got half his meds into him. Then while I clipped his fingernails we watched Mel Gibson in Forever Young. He was calm for the two hours after that, while I sat beside him and held his hand.
When I left, he was resting, but convinced that he'd never see mom again, "I just love her so much ..." he cried.
It is heartbreaking.
Yeah, so I'm obsessing over my dad. I have a feeling we are nearing the end. He appears to be giving up. And I pray that it will not be a violent, choking, gagging, gasping end of life.
Dear God,
Please? Could it be gentle? Without fear? Would you hold his hand as he leaves us and enters into Your presence? Could you fill him Your peace, the peace that surpasses understanding? And if there's something we need to do, show us what, and give us strength to do it.
Amen
I am working on not feeling sorry for myself. It's the long weekend. Alot of my friends are away with their families at various lakes around the province. I am not.
I am thinking about my future. And how I have absolutely no idea what tomorrow, or next week, or next month or next year will bring. It is all a huge empty canvas. And this is mostly scary. I am a planner. And I don't know what to plan.
I am also thinking about this whole Chick-fil-A controversy. The owner said, "We are very much supportive of the family – the biblical definition of the family unit," Dan Cathy, Truett’s son, said in an interview last month. "We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that."
and this has gay rights groups's panties in a bunch. They have accused him, because of that statement, of spreading hate. SPREADING HATE? Seriously? He made a statement about his faith. He did not say, "AND I HATE GAY PEOPLE," as far as I know.
So the gay rights groups started a boycott on Chick-fil-A's. REALLY? Because he clearly stated what his faith is?
The Mayor of Boston wrote a letter urging Chick-fil-A to back out of their plans to open a restaurant in their city.
This scares me.
If, when Billie's was still open, a reporter would have asked me about my faith, my answer would have been biblically based too. NOT BECAUSE I HATE ANYONE, but because I too would have said that our business was in support of the family. We had mom/dad and me classes for kids and their crafting parent, birthday parties, and so on. I am a Christian. That's not a crime, is it?
BUT what if a gay rights group decided I was sending a message of hate to confused youth? And what if they decided to get their PR machine going - encouraging everyone to boycott our store.
What would happen?
I'm assuming there would be an outpouring of support from like-minded individuals who believe it's OK to state what you believe in, in a respectful way. Which is what happened. Citizens (and not necessarily Christians, and not necessarily gay-haters) chose to let Chick-fil-A know that they supported Dan Cathy's RIGHT TO STATE HIS FAITH.
They did not buy chicken on Wednesday because they hate gays.
They did not buy chicken on Wednesday to send a message of hate to confused youth.
They simply were sending a message: It's OK to state what you believe in. There is such a thing as freedom of speech. Read this news report.
Oh my goodness. The animal activist groups could have a hayday with his statement. So could any group with an agenda and a huge PR budget.
Don't even get me started on the second half of this 'scandal':
Cathy's comments, as well as revelations that the chain has donated millions of dollars to anti-gay marriage groups, have sparked a furor from several big-city mayors, actors Mia Farrow and Roseanne Barr, Muppets creator Jim Henson Co. and thousands of consumers who have pledged to boycott the chain.
Hahahaha.
Oh my goodness.
THE CHAIN DONATES MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO THIS: Winshape Foundation.
OH man, is it ever a stretch to call this an 'anti-gay marriage group'. It's a Christian camp and conference center. Kids camps. Youth camps. Family camps. Marriage enrichment retreats. Leadership conferences. THEY DO NOT HAVE AN ANTI GAY AGENDA. They are investing in the health of families.
This news report ends with this:
The gay rights group GLAAD recently started a petition to get Dan Cathy (owner of Chick-fil-A) to have dinner with a pair of gay parents and their children.
“If Cathy is going to spend millions trying to break apart loving families,” the petition says, “he should at least meet the people his money is hurting."
Wow.
I donate to Stillwood Camp.
Should I meet the people I am hurting and the families I am ripping apart by supporting the camp that had a huge, positive impact on my sons' lives?
Yeah, so that's what I'm thinking about.
I am anticipating:
- many more evenings at the hospital.
- Drew's 18th birthday
- a Chris Tomlin concert
- wrapping up my insurance claim, by next week
- getting my truck back, by next week (with a new transmission)
- more showings
I am listening to Olympic coverage on CTV. And to my fan spinning.
I am eating a caramilk. With a glass of water. Just like last time I did this. Which was a Friday night before the long weekend...
I am praying for:
- my dad
- his caregivers
- my mom
- the rest of the family
- engaged couples
- long list of my kids' friends
- a job for me, Max and Drew this fall
- Clint's fall options
- a different country every day as per this website
I am happy about seeing The Royal 3 cheering at the Olympics.
I am wishing for peace.
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