Monday, September 30, 2013

Currently - Sept 2013

These are the things that I am:

Obsessing over,
Working on,
Thinking about,
Listening to,
Praying for,
Happy about,

1. I am obsessing over:

("Obsess:to think about something unceasingly or persistently")

  • I guess this has moved from the 'thinking about' category to the 'obsessing about' category: WHERE THE HECK SHOULD I LIVE?
  • Also, in addition to mango gelato it turns out I love real, fresh mango (the fruit) as well. And I am spending a good deal of time trying to add this to my diet. Hourly. 
  • And, I guess, maybe, I am thinking unceasingly about fall and winter footwear lately. 
2. I am working on:
  • Not being stupid about the changes taking place on the Creative Team at work. People leaving. People coming. Should be OK. Should be good. Chill, Jane. 
  • A budget. 
  • A personal budget.
  • No I'm not. But I probably should. I am not a numbers person. 
  • I am working on embracing the rain. SO. MUCH. RAIN this weekend. I've driven into Vancouver twice and out to Abby once in the past 48 hours. RAIN will not prevent me from getting out n about... even if it SUCKS driving on the #1 at night, with all that construction, so you can't see the lines and everyone is dawdling along like we're in the middle of a monsoon. Sigh. 
  • Keeping my umbrella handy at all times.
3. I am thinking about:
  • The movie I just saw:

When James Gandolfini died earlier this year, I was aghast that he and I were both born during the same year. We were the same age? He is who I should have a screen-crush on? I am that old? Where did the past 20 years go? 

I needed to adjust a few ideas circling around in my mind... James is representative of 52 year old men. And really. Look at me. I may not be going bald or grey, but I'm no 32 year old myself. It's all so, so, so ... something. Maybe, 'not pretty', is what I'm thinking. Only young, thin, fit, beautiful people are supposed to fall in love. It's embarrassing - have I bought into that whole Hollywood hype? 

I have. 
I believe myself to be completely unattractive because I am not size 5. 
And yet I don't want to diet my way down to a size 5 because I want to be loved for more than just my clothing size. 

But I'm guilty of having a double standard, no? James may have felt exactly the same way about being (the male equivalent to being) a size 5.

ANYWAY, I found it funny that last Spring when he died I was wondering what it would be like to date him or someone like him. (Shoot, I should probably check to see if he was married. I mean no disrespect to his wife.) And! This fall? Here's a movie about a 52 year old divorced woman dating James Gandolfini.  

I loved it. 
It was funny. And tender. And sad. And weird. And gross. And enlightening. 

And I don't think I will ever go on a date. At the very least, I will have to side step The First Date. So very much awkwardness at this stage in life, no? Way easier when you're 16. 

Which reminds me of the Sam Roberts concert I went to this summer at the PNE. The couple sitting in front of us, were my age, and clearly early into a dating relationship with not much to say to each other. They were on their best behaviour, with a lot of posing going on, but no spark. I'm guessing they met on an internet site. Because if they worked together, or had friends in common, or met at an evening class, or were part of a club of some sort -  surely they would have something to talk about. Surely?

Or is talking really and truly only a woman thing? 
It's been so long. What do I know?
Do guys want to talk for hours with a date? 

  • I am also thinking about Clint. And how glad I am that he's back.
He looked like this on Friday:

A severe allergic reaction to something in his house.

And today?
He was in a much better mood, and looking back to normal:

4. I am anticipating:
  • Attending a night class at Northview this fall. Anyone want to join me? Deets here
  • Seeing the Vancouver Symphony.
  • Going to a Canuck's game and I don't care that it looks like we might have a sucky team this year.
  • Celebrating birthdays with a few friends.
  • Girl's Weekends
  • That my tan will fade into paste-y whiteness.
  • A stupid busy season at work.
  • That on Oct 1, I will join everyone else who is fasting and praying (from 7 am til 7 pm) for the people they love who don't know God yet. Want to join us?
5. I am listening to:
  • my mom, sleeping.
  • clocks ticking
  • fingers clicking
  • my breathing
6. I am eating:
  • Nothing. It's almost 2 am. 
  • Yes, I am going to work in a few hours. 
7. I am praying for:
  • These things, everyday and always:
(I posted this a few weeks ago, and I re-read/re-pray it constantly)
Hey, God?
Thanks for making this world, and all the people in it, so beautiful.
Thanks for having an eye for detail.
Thanks for the unexpected surprises that we keep discovering when actually look around. 

And, thanks for loving us. Even when we screw up over and over again.
God? If there's something I need to see, someone I should meet, someone who should meet me - go ahead and make that happen.
God? If there's something I should ponder, nudge me.
If there's something I should stop thinking about, give me amnesia.

If there's something I should say, give me courage to say it.
If there's something I should shut up about, close my mouth.

If there's someone who needs me to pray, bring them to my mind.

God, for those who are struggling with addictions, I pray that right now, at this very minute, You would fill them will hope. Slay their dragons for them, post Your angels on their rooftops and give them peace from the onslaught of temptations that threaten to overtake their best intentions. Bring into their lives good mentors, faithful friends, and loyal supporters who commit to walking this journey with them.

God, for those in care homes who are confused and lonely and ill and aged, please send your angels to each room to bring them peace. God, could you fill those care homes with joy? Could you give those care-givers extra measures of patience and wisdom as they attend to the needs of those who are finishing up their time on earth in their care? I pray Your will be done.

God, for those who are looking for work, I pray You would direct their paths. Could You guide them to the position You have prepared for them for this season of their lives? I pray You would protect them from despair and discouragement. I pray You would fill them with hope.

God, for those who don't know You yet, I pray that You would meet them where they're at. Could you reveal Yourself to them? Like, today? In a way that would be unmistakably YOU. Strip away all the armour they have on, and show them how much You love them. Show them that You are real. Bring into their lives messengers of Your good news; someone they trust. Someone who can speak boldly and with love. God, could those people that I care deeply about, get a special love letter from You today? And another one tomorrow? Please?

God? Thanks for the whole "love" thing. And 'marriage' thing. I've been at so many weddings these past few years... could you protect those new marriages from any evil ideas that Satan has? Those newlyweds? Could You give them wisdom to seek help when things get rocky? God, do we have enough smart people on earth to help those who need relationship help? Maybe You could inspire more folks to get into that line of work? And then give us a boot in the rear when it's time to ask for help. And for those oldyweds - like all my friends' and family's marriages ... can you rekindle the love and passion? Toss a spark in where it's just dust and ashes. And where there are deep hurts and years of misunderstandings? Can You help them?

Aaack. I wasn't planning on doing this whole prayer thing tonight, God, but well, here I am. Since I'm on a roll, I'll just keep on going with my never ending list of things I'm going to dump at Your feet ...

For those travelling? Protect them. Open their eyes to the things You want them to see, and protect them for situations they should not get involved in. Let them be blessings where ever they are. I pray that those who are away from home are so by Your design, for Your purposes. And may those purposes be fulfilled.

For those who are worried about juggling all the responsibilities that keep piling up in their lives - could You help them sort it out? Those things that are important? Give them the strength to endure. Those things that don't matter - let them blow away.

For those who are in leadership? Like, say, in their homes, in their work place, and uh, in government? Oh, God I pray for wisdom for these folks. Wisdom. Courage. Boldness. Compassion. And a strong support system. In abundance.

I have a special soft spot for writers, actors, musicians, designers and artists. God? I'm not even sure how to pray for them as a group other than to ask You to be their inspiration. By some divine way could You be beside them as they work on projects, memorize their lines, write their songs, audition for roles, adapt screenplays, put paint on canvas, capture images, write books, invent show ideas ... God we need You to be part of the process. Please protect our generations' creative people from evil.

God? I'm sitting here, at my mom's kitchen table, looking out at the glittering lights on the other side of the river. Is this where You want me to stay? Or is this just for a little while? Just a season of 'breathing room' for me? How will I know when it's time to leave? Because, well, as you know, I am becoming very accustomed to this life style. Life is quite easy right now. Is this a calm before a storm?

And I guess that it's it for tonight, God. Thanks for listening.

Love you and amen.

8. I am reading:
  • Crow Lake (for book club)
  • And something else that's on my night table but I can't remember and it's late and I don't want to run downstairs and check.
9. I am happy about:
  • This one always makes me pause and think. Am I happy about something? Anything? Everything? All things? No things? 
  • I am happy about, or at least have peace about, my life right now. Feeling awfully lucky.
10. I am remembering:
  • One year ago today, Kevin Heppell died. I am thinking of him, his family, and his friends. Praying that It Is Well With Their Souls. 

  • I am remembering one week ago - I was in Mexico. And it was good. 
  • Also, I am remembering dinner with my kids this weekend. And how hard it is to get everyone together. But I'm glad we made it happen. 
11. I am wishing:
  • that I had started blogging earlier in the evening.
  • that I had unpacked and cleaned up all my crap months ago when I moved in here. It's all still sitting in boxes in the basement.
  • I am wishing God's very best for Westside Church in Vancouver.
  • I am wishing/hoping for more answered prayers. 

And that's it. 

Three things I'm thankful for:

1. Sat evening's sermon. So needed to hear it. Check it out when it gets posted online. 
2. Lunch with Clint today. I needed that.
3. Friends. 


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