And it made all the difference.
Mountains!
Blue sky!
Mist on the lake!
What a difference it makes when the fog lifts.
There's just SO much to see.
I was thinking about something Jeff said the other night.
About Joshua.
And how God told him to have courage and take those people (who'd been wandering the dessert for 40 years) across the Jordan River and take the Promised Land. (Joshua and Caleb wanted to do it forty years earlier, but the peeps were afraid and whined. So God made them walk in circles til everyone from the "no" generation had passed away.)
Anyway, Joshua's response was to turn around and bark out orders, "We are doing this thing. And this is how it's going down."
Which is SO different to how Moses reacted when God asked him to take His people out of Egypt. "Why me? Ask someone else. I don't talk so good." Whine whine whine.
SO. Why was Joshua's response so very different than Moses's was?
Why did he immediately hop right to it, with apparent confidence?
Could it be because Joshua was totally confident in God's ability to see this crazy idea through? He was utterly sure of God's character. He knew Him. Joshua had been Moses's right hand man for most of his life. He went up the mountain with Moses when the Ten Commandments were given. He saw Moses talk with God. He knew of their friendship. He had seen God's glory and majesty. He had been there when God supplied manna and water. He had witnessed, closely and personally, the way God led and loved Moses.
He did not doubt God's ability to do the same with him.
God had uniquely prepared Joshua for the journey he was called to walk. Josh's experience as Moses's 'second in command' was all the training that J needed.
So.
That got me thinking two thoughts.
Firstly - What have I been uniquely prepared to do? Am I doing it? Or am I still in training? Will I say yes, and start moving as soon as I know? Do I know God well enough to have confidence in His character? Can I trust His goodness? His power? His sovereignty? His justice? His love? His attention to detail? His love of color? :)
And if I'm not sure of who He is? Why am I not getting to know Him better?
And the second thought?
Joshua watched Moses's relationship with God and learned from it. His own faith was based on what he saw and experienced through Moses's walk. He became the man he was because of the things he witnessed and felt.
So.
Man.
So.
Is someone watching me?
Is someone learning about God from seeing the way I live my life?
Oh. My. Goodness.
That is just the scariest thought.
No seriously.
Petrifying.
I feel like I am His poorest representative on earth.
Don't watch me.
I'm still learning.
God is way bigger and smarter and loving and just than I am portraying.
And of course, right on the heels on that thought:
Who did my kids learn from?
Who's walk with God were they watching?
If it was just me? If I am the only Christian in their life that they saw up close and personal like?
Well.
I just messed that gig up ten ways from Sunday.
Did they see my utter dependence on Him when everything fell apart? Did they see me pray in anguish? Were they even awake when I read my Bible? Did I adequately share with them the peace I felt afterwards? Did I give God the glory for the things He had done?
Did I tell them?
And if I didn't SAY actual words - did they see it?
Or did I do all of that when they were in school? In bed? At their dad's?
Or do they just remember a mom, who was in WAY over her head? One who had melt-downs and coughing fits in the middle of shouting matches? One who cried too easily?
Oh man.
I so hope that God had a back-up person in place who was also demonstrating what a man, dependent on God, looks like.
Yup.
So.
Where do I go from here?
If, I did, in fact screw things up in the past, how do I move forward, doing better?
Who is watching me?
Who is watching you?
Three things I'm thankful for:
1. This bench. Full sun on my face while I chatted to God about Moses and Joshua.
2. Thankful for invitations that go like this: "Hey. You free on Sunday? Come over in the afternoon. I'll cook supper." (Which was an awful lot like Sat night at the lake; "I'll make supper. You like salmon? Potatoes? Caesar salad?" Hahaha. YES. Yes I do.)
3. Thankful for this corner of the world.
Shalom,
xo
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