You know how when...

Yah know how some nights its hard to fall asleep?

So you decide to stay up and watch TV or use the computer? And then when it’s after 1:00, you know you really should go to bed, but you’re still not tired so you read until your eyes catch on fire and burn holes in your face. Then you lie back and close your eyes but sleep just ain’t happenin’, so you turn on the fan and search your entire bed for a comfortable ‘fall asleep’ spot. But when you realize your bed doesn’t have one you get up and sit in the wing-back chair that you got for Christmas two years ago and moved into your bedroom earlier in the evening to make room in the living room for the foosball table because it had to be moved from the front entrance to make space for the pingpong table. And you determine that sitting in the chair would be more comfy if you could put your feet up, so you remove the pile of folded clean clothing destined for the clothing drive for Max’s fundraiser off the blue Rubbermaid container filled with the kids schoolwork from 1998/1999 which should have been sorted during the summer but it was too hot to so it will be done sometime next week. You move the Rubbermaid container to the exact spot an ottoman would be and it’s perfect for your legs except the rubber is too hard and a pillow would be nice, so you find the one Denise gave you for Christmas last year and place it on top of the lid and ahhhhh. That feels so much better.

But it’s now almost 4 am and a bit chilly in your bedroom, so you grab a blanket from the bed and wrap it around yourself, making sure you tuck it in under your legs so that a draft from the fan won’t send a breeze up your nightshirt. When you lean your head back your pony tail prevents your head from resting on the back of the chair so you pull out the elastic. But then, the breeze from the fan blows the loose ends all over your face which is quite annoying, so you redo your hair with a ponytail coming right off the top of your head like a whale spout. It occurs to you, you probably do look like a beluga, sitting there, wrapped in your voluminous white down filled blanket with a spray of hair coming off the top of your head.
“Good thing I’m not married” you say to yourself for the 348th time this month.

Finally, at 5:15 am you nod off, sitting upright in your wing-backed chair in the corner of your bedroom. At 6:30 you wake up with the not-surprising kink in the neck, so you crack it twice and flop like a beached whale onto your bed.

At 7:20 the alarm goes off and it’s time to wrestle the kids up for the first day of school. Then drive some of them. Then pick a few up. Then get the forgotten school supplies. And meet your mom for lunch.

And while you’re at it, with eye bags down to your knees and circles dark enough to look like you’d been punched out… You might as well GET YOUR PASSPORT PHOTO TAKEN.

Yes. It’s lovely.
I look about as stunning as your worst nightmare.

I don’t think I’ll go to Europe.

Maybe by the time Drew’s in grade 9 they’ll accept Costco Cards as ID. I look really hot on my Costco card.