Freaky how appropriate it is that I opened this cookie today:

Your Fortune Is

A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.

The Wacky Fortune Cookie Generator

Driving to work, I passed under a light post seconds after a crow landed on it. He was using said light post as a toilet cuz wholley hannah the crap that splooshed on my front windshield was the size of a dinner plate.

Do you have any idea how nauseating it is to see the underside of bird shit? I think I saw some Rice Krispies.

Gag.