Feelings

Earlier this week I noticed an article in the local paper about the closing of the original Tim Horton's in Langley. It had been there for 34 years. Then this morning, as I drove through McDonald's for a muffin, I had a good look at the vacated donut shop right across the way. The sign is down, the parking lot is empty and the lights were off.

I certainly wasn't expecting to feel anything.

But I did. The memories snuck back into my mind like an evening fog settling in for the night. When I was pregnant with Clint, in addition to the White Spot brownie craving, I occasionally had an urgent need for cinnamon timbits. In those days, 20 years ago, there weren't many Tim Horton's around, so if the one in Surrey was out of stock, we'd drive out to this one. Those were the days... when I was so loved that he would drive for miles to satisfy a unquenched desire.

Years later, after things went sideways, we would meet at that Tim Horton's every Friday morning at 10:00 am to discuss how to be divorced. We'd deal with one issue per week until we had all the details of our separation agreed upon. It was very civilized. No scenes. No tears. No arguments. Just two very unemotional adults discussing custody and support and Canuck tickets and visitation. If I were to be completely honest, my motive for being so mature about the whole thing was partly to impress him with my ability to handle being dumped. In a twisted way, my unclear thinking had me hoping a little bit that he might find that attractive. And hoping that it would cause him to reconsider leaving me. And hoping that he might love me again. (The other part of me was being agreeable because I was glad he was ending it and not stringing things along.)

The bottom line regarding all the hours spent at Timmy's during that season of our lives was we ended up having very low legal costs when it came time to involve lawyers. And we got used to conversing about our kids, our schedules and financial stuff without yelling or crying.

That Tim Horton's was there when I was transforming from a young woman into a mom. And it was there when I went from being a wife to being a divorcee.

The whole thing left me feeling melancholy this morning.

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Just say NO to a child and you've got a fight on your hands.
I picked Max up from school and said No you can't get a body part pierced this afternoon. Oh my goodness - the arguing that ensued was mind numbing.
Then I picked up Drew from school and said No you can't have a girlfriend or a cell phone. My word that child got angry fast.

It's exhausting, this being-a-mom schtick.

The pointless arguing this afternoon drained me and caused me to feel sad.

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Went with the kids to an information meeting this evening regarding a missions trip to Mexico at the end of August. The plan is to build a house in 4 days for a homeless family. And do some afternoon programs with the hundreds of kids in the village. And play on the beach, eat authentic tacos, visit the orphanage, stop by six flags for some roller coaster fun, do some flea market shopping and pee in toilets with sketchy sewer systems (no flushing toilet paper - that goes in the garbage can beside the toilet...)

Originally I thought I'd go along for the experience. But the toilet and communal shower thing, along with sleeping on the ground in tents and not having electricity is making me think twice. However, if Clint and Max go, I really should be along to take pictures.

I left there feeling compassion for the single moms in Mexico who are raising their children from cardboard box homes. And stirred to get over my issues with privacy and sanitation.
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After the meeting, I met up with 3 friends. (Two of whom are going through menopause and had some fascinating stories to share. Wow. I can hardly wait. Interesting things to look forward to.) One thing led to another and pretty soon the conversation deteriorated to the point of almost being obscene. That's when the fun really started. Coincidentally this was also when the bottle of wine was opened. And certain acts were demonstrated, just in case our imaginations weren't imaginative enough. Yes, there was laughter. Authentic, from the heart or belly, infectious, wonderful laughter. We're all hoping to go to Europe together.

Tonight I'm feeling blessed and thankful to have so many friends.


Three things I'm thankful for:

1. The range of emotions God has given us to feel; Melancholy -> Saddness -> Compassion -> Thankfulness...

2. Friends who bake bread, make homemade soup and have a fire going on cold Friday nights.

3. Max and Drew got over their disappointment in not getting what they wanted by suppertime.

Shalom,