Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Most Days It's OK - But Today Being a Mom Just Sucks

Every once in awhile, I get lost blog surfing. The variety of blog topics is endless, but inevidably I end up spending time reading mommy blogs. After glancing at 100's of them, I could not find a single one that dealt with the joys and frustrations of being a parent of a teen. A teen boy. Three teen boys.

Gazillions of blogs on the wonder of being pregnant.
And oodles and doodles of blogs on the fatigue of being a toddler's mom.

But thus far, I haven't found a single blog where a mom shares the mind-numbing, energy-sapping, patience-testing, heart-breaking reality of parenting a teen who is not cooperating with her efforts to make him into an independent, decent, selfless, loving, law abiding, God-fearing, person.

Is it because our children and their friends read our blogs?
Or is because we don't want to share with the internet how inept we are at our jobs?

I read Jeremy's blog this afternoon, and tonight, while I'm explaining, yet again, this time in a much louder voice, why he can't have a specific, particular thing that he's been "needing" for 6 months, Jeremy's ode to his father slipped into my mind - "I have never heard my father complain. I do not know what my father’s voice sounds like raised."

The Guilt slammed me sideways after that.
Why do I yell?
Is it because he was listening to his MP3 player and had his headphones on? And his head under his pillow? And the blanket pulled up over his entire body? And his fan turned on high, blowing right beside his ear?
Do I yell to be heard?

And why do I have to cough right after I yell?
Totally ruins the impact of my point if I break into a coughing fit and have to gasp for breath afterwards.

And when I go back, after my blood pressure decreases to a healthier level, to apologize for the volume at which I communicated my thoughts, somehow it gets twisted and he thinks I am saying sorry for the content of my rant, not the delivery.

And he goes to sleep thinking he's won.

And I'm too frustrated to start the whole procedure over again tonight, so I let it be. But I know that we will address this very same issue tomorrow and the day after and the day after. A big part of me (about 95% of me) wishes he'd just accept what I say because he respects me. That other 5%? It knows that its a good thing I have the opportunity to dialogue with him daily about important issues.

But holey hannah, some days I wish he'd just give it a rest.

Three things I'm thankful for:
1. He cleaned out the tupperware drawer too. Little surprises everywhere I look.
2. Yes! After 15 days of trying to nail down a date for a double bridal shower (two brides, one shower) we have one: Wednesday April 25.
3. Tanned arms.



Judith said...

You know Jane I hear you. I am raising a 15 yo boy as well and it is driving me nuts! I, on occasion blog about the boy, but usually when he does something odd, like split his head open with an axe! (Trying to cut a basketball in two) Does this sound familiar to you? God love the little darlings.


Anonymous said...

Wow, who is this Jeremey and where did he come from?
Anybody out there who has very complacent children and never needs to raise their voice to be heard, count yourself lucky, fortunate, lifes so good to you. The rest of us must live in reality, plug our way through as best as we can, and pray that God will be the most important thing in our childrens lives, really the rest doesn't matter.It just drives us crazy...Marg

Anonymous said...

Marg, perhaps I didn't communicate well, but the point I should have more clearly communicated is not that I was an alienly docile child, but that despite the fact that I wasn't complacent and often needed a good voice-raising, it never, for better or worse, happened.