Thursday, December 27, 2007

Boxing Day

I woke up to the smell of bacon frying.
Daryl and Julie were making breakfast.
Alot of us stayed at dad and mom's place last night, in memory of all the Christmases we spent having sleepovers at the cabin.
Daryl and Julie slept in the downstairs bedroom on the new bed we ordered last week.
Mandi slept in the media room.
Jim slept in the family room on the leather couch.
Clint, Max, Drew, Zac and Chad slept in the newly carpeted suite.
And I slept in the spare bedroom across the hall from my dad.

Well, OK. You're right, I didn't sleep much.

Getting back to breakfast...
Homemade waffles with some sort of warm icing and fresh strawberries.

Sooooo good.
We Klassen's sure know how to enjoy food.

Immediately after eating, my three sons packed up their stuff, tidied up their sleeping space and left for home in my Durango.

I have to get used to this. This business of letting go. This business of having them go off doing stuff without me.

There are days when it feels like they're all married. And I'm sharing them with their inlaws. Which, of course, is exactly what sharing them with an ex-husband feels like.

They left today at 3.
Clint and Max drove up to SunPeaks on their own.
Drew went to his dad's and will be heading up to their mountain paradise tomorrow.

They'll be gone for 10 days.

You know what?
I'm not a fan of this season.

The other day, when it got dark at like 4:20 in the afternoon, and it was raining and I was feeling lost and out of sorts, I looked at the calendar. And saw that it was exactly a week before Christmas. And on that same date in 1990, my dad had a massive, life-changing heart attack. And on that very same date in 1998, Mark moved out.

And I want to not remember that date. Because it sets the tone for the whole holiday season.

Why does Christmas have to be a season? Why can't it just be a day?
All the hype. All the prep. All the pressure. All the work.
All for one day.

Why can't Christmas be like Easter?
No need to redo the house or buy hundreds (thousands?) of dollars worth of gifts. No need to plan the meal for weeks in advance. No need to attend Easter-related events continuously all month long. No need to have a feeling of dread in your stomach for days and days and days.

I am turning into the bah-est of all humbugs.
Listen to me whine.

I've stopped taking Holy Basil - that 'feel good' herbal tablet they recommended at the Health store. Can you tell?

Starting tomorrow, I'm going back to taking two a day. You'll be blown away by the happy-clappy posts that'll be coming your way.

I gotta getta grip on my emotions. This is ridiculous. When they drove away, my heart followed the Durango down the driveway. They took my truck, my personal DVD player, and my peace of mind. Clint is still planning on driving to Kelowna later this week, and then over to Fernie. This boy gets lost going to White Rock in the summer. He's going to pass through the mountains in the dead of winter and find a little town like Fernie? Heaven help me, it's so hard letting go.

My plan to keep sane for the next little while is to watch alot of DVD's. ( I just finished Season 3 of Grey's Anatomy this evening. 8 episodes in a row. Went through a box of kleenex. Izzy totally deserved the Emmy.) And visit with friends. And read books. And shred some papers. And organize my desk. (I bought hanging files and colored file folders.) And purge my closet. And drop in on my dad and mom a few times. And see a chick flick or two. Or ten.

And, something that I hadn't planned on doing, but am going to give it serious consideration is meet with a financial advisor to see if I should be doing something differently with my income. I watched 9 back-to-back episodes of Maxed Out on the Woman's Channel this afternoon and am thinking that it might be an idea to have an expert analyze my financial situation and make suggestions.

Probably'll have to give up Friday night pizza nights. And get rid of that gas guzzling vehicle I own. And stop buying fruits and vegetables cuz no one eats them anyway. And remove half the light bulbs in the house because no one turns them off. And change our cell phone plans. And don't let the kids use the dryer to warm up clothes on cold mornings. And buy no-name cola instead of Coca-cola.

And lastly? I'm going to spend a day (probably New Year's Eve/ New Year's Day (cuz those days suck too) trying to hear God speak. That book I'm reading is frustrating me. No. Really driving me crazy. People make it sound simple. But it's not. Nothing's easy these days. So I'm going to try harder.

And then, after 10 days of frantic activity on my part ... the kids will come home. And I'll be a mom again.

Three things I'm thankful for:
1. Friends who want to meet for a movie, coffee, lunch or dinner. Thank you for giving me something to look forward to, sorry to be so needy.
2. My mom, sister's family and brother's family who made Christmas special this year. Thanks for those moments that had me laughing. I love you.
3. Clint and Max got there safely and phoned to tell me.



Shannon said...

I'm sorry Christmas time is hard for you! If it makes you feel any better (and it probably won't), I didn't see a single relative for even two minutes this Christmas.

No complaints, I spent Christmas Eve through Boxing Day with Steve and Lea and their family, which is pretty close to the same thing. But I guess... You're not alone in sometimes feeling alone at Christmastime. Yup, that's what I was trying to get at.

Also, I just bought some colourful files and hanging folders too - I love that I can find things now. At least, that's the plan.

Christine Lindsay said...

It's a fact, Mennonites are much better cooks than the Irish. In the midst of all the 'stuff' for want of a polite word to describe my December, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were everything Christmas should be. Carols, candle-light at church, hugs in the church foyer, then PJ's on while we watch our traditional Christmas movie, then Christmas day with turkey and family members.

It was a wonderful oasis in the midst of fear and worry. But GOD IS GOOD. Amen :)