Wednesday, July 13, 2011

On My Mind Today

There are rodents in my attic again and I feel defeated.

I eat too much and I feel unattractive.

My garage needs to be cleaned. As does my pantry. And desk. And I feel like a slob.

The gardens are green and alive with thriving weeds. And I feel ashamed that I don't enjoy spending time out there making things beautiful.

This is day 8 of my 10 days off and I am disappointed in myself. I feel like I've wasted my vacation time this year.

There is a big fat black fly in my living room who has been my companion for the past three evenings. He dive bombs at my head and buzzes around my ears and I am annoyed that he is alive.

I am reading a book that is challenging me and my whiny-ness and I am embarrassed by my first world problems.

Last night was fun. Time spent with my writing group is always inspiring and stretching. Our topics of conversation are varied, informed and sometimes goofy. I feel like an impostor being there, seeing as I'm not planning on writing a book. Ever.

I miss being part of a family. I miss my kids. I feel left out, what with them all living their lives and me not being a part of their experiences.

I just looked at the calendar and realized I am PMSing so that explains all the melancholy feelings.

Three things I am thankful for:

1. This website.  Inspiring.
2. This message. Convicting.
3. This makes me smile.


1 comment:

raych said...

I always enjoy the hell out of my time off and then look back at it and feel like I've wasted it. YOU HAVE BEEN SOCIALIZING AND RELAXING. That is A Thing. And just because some people build sheds or go to Hawaii or volunteer at rescue shelters on their vacations does not mean that those of us who like to SLOTH on ours should feel bad.

Don't feel bad. Luxuriate.