Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Hmmmmm

I'm reading WILD by Cheryl Strayed, and am in awe of her bravery/idiocy.




















"A powerful, blazingly honest memoir: the story of an eleven-hundred-mile solo hike that broke down a young woman reeling from catastrophe—and built her back up again.
 
At twenty-two, Cheryl Strayed thought she had lost everything. In the wake of her mother's death, her family scattered and her own marriage was soon destroyed. Four years later, with nothing more to lose, she made the most impulsive decision of her life: to hike the Pacific Crest Trail from the Mojave Desert through California and Oregon to Washington State—and to do it alone. She had no experience as a long-distance hiker, and the trail was little more than “an idea, vague and outlandish and full of promise.” But it was a promise of piecing back together a life that had come undone. "


This afternoon, while waiting for my truck to be serviced {NOTE: I WILL NEVER PURCHASE A VEHICLE FROM A USED CAR LOT AGAIN. EVER. IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. ON EARTH OR IN HEAVEN. I needed a spare key - (because yes, sigh, I've already locked my keys in my truck and needed to call BCAA to come help me.) (And my Escape didn't come with a spare set, I was told  "go to a Ford dealership, they'll help you" when I bought it.) (And they, the used-car-lot-slimeballs, didn't know the keyless entry code, again I was told "go to a Ford dealership, they'll look it up for you") and don't get me started on the cost of spare keys these days. HUNDREDS of dollars for the computer chip technology. And I needed a replacement headlight. And to have my squeaky wipers checked. ) (They too needed to be replaced.)} ahem, while I was waiting for that all to be done, I read a couple hundred pages of this memoir. 

At one point she, who has feet that have been severely traumatized by the adventure, is wearing sandals held together with duct tape, is without water in temperatures soaring past 100 degrees, is lost, and has 60 cents total in cash in her pocket. I can't even. 

(Back in March, while in Palm Springs, I half-jokingly said to Sandra and Karm, "I don't think I'll have a job when I get back. And I definitely have to sell my house. And with Drew graduating, I'm not really tethered to anything... I guess I could be in for a season of mission trips..." WHICH I SUPPOSE is the Christian equivalent to 'finding oneself' on an 1100 mile trek up the Pacific Crest Trail.)

But nothing in me understands the need to put oneself in such  physical peril. Hence, I am not in India, or the Pacific Crest Trail, and am still in Murrayville. 

As much as possible I take the safe route, knowing that despite my desire to live an easy life, hardships will come my way. 

So. Back to Cheryl. 
While I was reading about her adventure, I couldn't help but compare it to my own. 
(Not that I'm on an adventure, per se, but I AM on something.) And as I sat there, in the customer service lounge at Dam's, I thanked God that, as confusing as things are for me, I still have all my toenails, I don't have bruises from heroin injections, I have a fresh water source six steps from where I'm sitting, I haven't used up my entire line of credit yet, and I KNOW that He who created me and is writing my story, has a purpose for my life. 

I'm not quite finished the book, but as we all know, there's no point in writing a memoir, or writing anything for that matter, unless someone changes. All the good characters in movies and novels and real life, start out one way, and then, as a result of crisis's and events, transform into something (hopefully) better.
So I'm pretty sure she does. Become someone better. Because otherwise, her self destructive behaviour would've killed her. 

And what about me? 
Am I being transformed? Has God used the crisis's and events in my life to shape me into someone more Holy? Am I becoming the someone He originally intended for me to become? Someone less selfish? Someone less needy? 

I don't know. I just don't know. 
I hope so. But really, who can say?
Other than my mom? Who really has been keeping an eye on my character development over the years? And she is so totally biased in my favor. (I love that in a mom.)

Anyway, my day didn't turn out like I expected, and I ended up with some spare time on my hands at 5:30 pm. So I went to the mall and bought myself a diamond ring just before closing. 





I know.
WHO am I?
Don't think I haven't asked myself that question a million times since the break-in. 
On the one hand, really? People are starving in Africa and I buy myself a ring? Really? I have a line of credit that needs attention, and I get a some bling for my aging, fat hands? What is this silliness?

On the other hand, all my jewellery was stolen, and I'm not going to replace anything except one ring. Which means I take a hit on my claim, but I would feel sick spending all that claim money on shiny things. But believe you me, I have wrestled with this for WEEKS and weeks. And today I decided to go for it. Just one ring. My nod to my past life. The rest of the claim will pay off my roof. 

When the mall closed at 6, I grabbed a fast food meal and read a few more chapters of the book, before heading up to Colossus to meet friends. It's cheap movie Tuesday. We were going to see The Dark Knight Rises. As I walked out to the parking lot, I saw my beautiful truck and thanked God for it. I feel so lucky that it's mine. I love the way it handles. I love the color. I love the spaciousness. I just love it. And I remember saying to God when I bought it, "You know, unless I hear from You otherwise, because I know no different, I'm to end up replacing everything that was taken from me, with the exact same stuff. I'll get another Escape. Another home. A new job that looks alot like my old one. One new ring to lay to rest the old engagement/wedding/anniversary set. If this is not OK with You, please prevent me from making a mistake."

So, not hearing, (or maybe not listening) I bought the truck. And as I walked towards it late this afternoon, just as the sun was breaking through the clouds, I thanked Him again for it. 

And then as I drove up 200th, the transmission started clunking and slipping. And by the time I got to the busy intersection by the freeway, I had nothing. I put my foot on the gas, and the engine revved, but the engine didn't engage. I coasted into the parking lot and cried. 

Have I done this all wrong? I bet the cost of a new transmission is going to equal what I spent on that stupid, totally unnecessary ring. Should I cancel the special order? Get rid of the truck? And wait to see what God's plan is for me? Have I been moving forward when I should have been waiting? Have I, like Cheryl, made a series of bad decisions and am I going to have to live out the consequences? 

Who buys a ring at 5:30pm and loses their transmission at 6:30 pm?

And what does it meeeeeean?

Three FIVE things I'm thankful for:
1. I'm not on the Pacific Crest Trail knee deep in snow, looking for a place to dig a poop hole. I am in my very clean house. (Very clean because I had another showing today.) Thank you God.

2. I'm so VERY thankful that my truck broke down in Langley. I HAD been planning to head up to Shuswap tomorrow. Can you imagine if I lost my transmission on the Coquihalla? Thank you God.

3. I'm thankful that the day after Max lost his job, (last week,coincidentally the same day I blogged my prayer THANKING GOD that all three boys were employed), his dad offered him some temporary work. Thank you God.

4. I'm thankful, that despite the slow real estate market, I still have regular showings. I know it will sell in His perfect time. I'm thankful that some of my friends' kids want to live in my suite, whenever I purchase a new home. That email message brought me great joy ... I love the idea of having someone else living on the same property as me. Thank you God.

5. I am thankful for friends who have evenings free; The Dark Knight Rises was awesome.















6. I'm thankful for His promises.

Today's memory verse:

Philippians 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.


Philippians 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

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