Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Currently - October

Things I am:

Obsessing over,
Working on,
Thinking about,
Listening to,
Praying for,
Happy about,

1. I am obsessing over: my "situation" and wondering if I should be doing more. More praying? More cleaning? More online applications? More something? I am at a loss. What should I be doing?  Is this a faith thing? I don't know. I feel so whiny. 

2. I am working on: staying positive. Child support and EI payments both end this month. I am working on changing my expectations re: career aspirations, and will start applying for jobs. Look for me behind the deli counter at IGA. If I'm lucky. Arrgh. My problem is that I don't want to work evenings and weekends. Maybe that's the big issue here. I'm going to have to give that up.

3. I am thinking about: Christmas. And wondering what it will look like this year, with my dad being in a care-home 'n all. Also thinking about folks on the east coast and what they just went through last night. Thankful for relief organizations that are helping people get back on their feet. Also thinking about my visit with my relatives last night - and how good it was to connect. Also thinking about that storage pod with all my stuff. Aaack. What should I do with it all? (Seasonal decorations, books, photo albums, extra furniture...) Also thinking about how lucky I am. Seriously. I just got back from Palm Springs. Plus, I'm thinking about the rain. And how it keeps falling. And how much I don't like being wet. 

4. I am anticipating: Halloween with my dad. (The care home is having a party.) Another friend turning 50. Being 'wowwed' by some answered prayer. I have almost given up on the idea of anticipating the closing my insurance claim. Seriously... all the paper work was completed in AUGUST. Still no cheque. Also anticipating my tan fading. Also anticipating fall and winter evenings at home, doing craft nights with friends. 

5. I am listening to: the fridge hum. Crows caw. Fingertips typing. And that's it. Awfully quiet here today.

6. I am eating: Don't judge me - but Cadbury has repackaged their Creme eggs for Halloween. So yes, I'm having a few with a glass of water as my lunch. Along with left over turkey. No, both the turkey and the eggs are not in mouth at the same time. That's gross. 

7. I am praying for:

  • My kids' relationship with/knowledge of/surrender to/ God.
  • Engaged/newlywed couples. 
  • Strength and courage for my mom.
  • My unknown future daughter-in-laws and their families.
  • My next job situation.
  • The guys who broke into my house - that they would encounter the living God and forever be changed. 
  • My cousin Tim and family in New York.
  • My dad. His caregivers. Other residents.
  • Friends who are grieving.
  • Seth as he and his parents prepare for some surgeries.
  • Our leaders. May they continue to seek His will in all they do. 
  • American election.
  • Jobs for all of us searching. 
  • A good season for Zac in Mississauga as he goes to school.

8. I am reading:

  • The Book Thief. Not a fan so far.
  • Maus. My first graphic novel. (Max's recommendation.)
  • One Year Bible.
  • Still working on Bonhoeffer
  • And still reading Let's Pretend That Never Happened
9. I am happy about
  • I'm happy? Man. I need an attitude adjustment this morning. Let's try again. I'M HAPPY ABOUT:
  • Clint having steady work.
  • Unexpected, STUNNING, rays of sunshine lighting up the golden trees on my drive to Abby yesterday.
  • The leftover turkey and gravy in my fridge.
  • Having so many people in my life who inspire me.
  • Seeing Miss E this week.
  • His promises. 
  • Gas fireplaces that work.
  • A brain that has the capacity to learn new things.
  • My bed, blankets and pillows. 
  • Friends who keep in touch, a mom who loves and listens, kids who show up, shelves of books to read, a fridge full of good food, a dad who remembers, and a God who woos. 
10. I am wishing
  • that some of my prayers would get answered. 
  • that summer was just around the corner.
  • that my upcoming cystoscopy procedure (camera in bladder) was not looming but rather a thing of the past. 

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