It was suggested to me that maybe I'm crashing now, after having been (so relatively) strong during the dad thing and the job-loss thing and the house-truck-robbery thing and the empty-nest thing and all the other smaller things that have been accumulating...
I don't know. But wow. What a hot mess.
Rather than dwell on all my fears (do I even own enough clothes for a full time office job?) (I have not had to start work at 8 am ever in my life. {I used to work afternoon and evenings, or else I started at 9:30 or 10 am} Can I be alert enough to contribute that early?) (What if Max never gets another job, ever?) etc, I'm going to take 10 minutes and just be thankful. Maybe THAT will shut the negative noise in my head.
I am thankful:
1. I have a job.
2. All the appliances in this house are working. (The TV, sadly, is not. Someone I gave birth to did something and now it doesn't sync, so having the TV on to keep me company, or watching W movies to help pass a boring Friday night, wasn't an option.) But my laundry is done and the dishes are clean. And the stove and oven worked fine all morning as I made a batch of beef stew, a batch of tortellini, a chicken-noodle casserole and some chilli. Which I divided into small single-serving sized containers and boxed up for Clint and Max. I am thankful I was able to do this.
3. My laptop works. I have a connection to the outside world. Sadly, the other computer is having some issues. Apparently I need to buy it a new mouse and keyboard. And then it will be happy again.
4. The roof is not leaking and there are no tiny unwanted guests partying in my attic. Sadly, I still have to deal with my crawlspace, and despite all the recommendations I keep getting re: "get your boys to do it" - that's not going to happen. So as soon as I have a paycheck, I'll hire the neighbourhood handy man again. (Yay, for anticipated paychecks.)
5. Friends. Real and imaginary. Hahaha. Not imaginary, but cyber. Cyber friends. Facebook friends. Whoa, so very many dropped by my page yesterday with congratulations and kind words re: my new job. Thank you, friends.
6. Roses. They are right in front of me, and they still look fabulous. It's been a whole week that they've been cheering up this kitchen.
7. Kinsmen Lodge. My dad lives there. He calls his room "home". What will Christmas look like this year? (Sob. Don't go there, Jane. One day at a time.)
8. Fresh clean safe drinking water from the tap.
9. My camera.
10. My dad and mom love me. There are alot of people that can't say that. Or never felt it. I've been lucky. I know it. And I feel it.
11. God loves me. I'm thankful I believe/know He is real. I'm thankful I have this faith in Him and His sovereignty. I'm thankful that He listens to my prayers and cries and waling. I am especially thankful that He loves my kids. I am thankful for the promises He has made. I am thankful that I am safe in His care.
12. I am thankful for Jeff's sermons. I am thankful he challenges as well as encourages.
13. I am thankful that I can borrow my dad's truck while Max uses mine.
14. I am thankful that He doesn't get tired of listening to me.
15. I am thankful He is a God of second (third, fourth, ...a hundred) chances.
16. I am thankful He is creative. And delights when we are creative.
17. I am thankful that people write books, paint pictures, make movies, and tell their stories.
18. I am thankful, and so very blessed, by the people in my life. I may have won the 'friend' lottery.
19. Even though I cry when I read them, I am thankful for the emails I get with prayer requests. I am honored that I can stand alongside.
20. I am thankful for the evidence I see that God is active and moving, especially when I see it in my kids' lives.
21. I thankful for the sunshine. And I hope I see it again soon.
22. I am thankful that tonight, I WILL be in bed by 1:00 if I sign off right now.
Good night.
Shalom,
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