In case you missed my status update on facebook (SERIOUSLY WHY ARE YOU NOT ON FACEBOOK YET?) I was offered the position of Production Manager of Creative Services at Focus on the Family this afternoon.
And since that phone call came, my stomach has been in knots. Bunched up knots I tell you.
What if I can't do it?
What if there isn't a 'Shannon' or 'Tarra' around to help me with software or computer or Word questions.
What if no one comes into my office, closes the door and just wants to talk. Or cry.
What is they aren't as 'grace full' as Arrow was?
I have to pray. Out loud. Every single morning. And possibly lead my team in bible reading. And I have a stomach ache.
What if I suck at managing? What if we miss every deadline? What if I'm just too old?
I was sent 17 pages of legal documents re: probationary time, termination, expectations, benefits, lifestyle, faith. I had to close the screen. It was making me crazy. Seriously. My stomach is exploding. And I have this tension knot in my back you wouldn't believe.
Yes, this is a good news post. Yay. I have a job. God's timing is always perfect (aka LAST MINUTE) (My EI runs out next week. My jobs starts next week.Coincidence? Probably not.) Yay, He loves me and is looking after me.
Yay, I'll have a great office, with a huge window that faces west.
Yay, I have a job.
Yay, I'm working with creative people.
But I feel like I'm 19 and it's the weekend before my first day at BCIT as a student. I must've wailed and cried and carried on like an infant that weekend. And truthfully? I'm a little bit thankful no one was here tonight. (But also a little bit wishing someone was...) Oh the angst. I paced. And prayed. EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE DIFFERENT. HARDER. MORE REGIMENTED. LESS FREEDOM. And fretted. And frowned. And had a loud discussion with God. And crap. I'm just scared.
What will my life look like?
Oh, yes, I know 95% of you are shaking your heads and exclaiming, "Holy cow, this woman is a nut job. She just got a job. Not a poor health report. Or notification that her house is in receivership. Or that someone died. What. A. Drama. Queen."
Fine. You're entitled to your opinion.
And, Yes. Tonight? TOTAL drama queen.
Because it was a 50% chance that I'd get the job, and because my EI is over next week, I got creative. Sort of.
It happened when the sun peaked out from behind the clouds on 64th Avenue yesterday. It was that moment when I took a few pics of trees lit up by the sun.
My heart sang.
And I knew.
I just had this peace about doing something with my camera.
If I didn't get a fulltime job offer this week, I would change my approach to this whole "supporting myself" thing. I'd look for a part time job. And I would supplement that income with photography.
Not posed, formal pics.
But 'capturing a moment in time' pics.
Helping families that don't have iPhones (or daughters with Canons), to have some photos in their albums.
Take pictures of families making memories. Things like:
Family dinners. Family gatherings. Easter egg hunts. Pumpkin carving. Playing on the floor with trains. Birthday parties at Chuck E Cheese’s. Girl’s night. Games night. Christmas cookie baking. Crafting afternoon. Visiting the cemetery. Bringing in the hay. Gymnastics lessons. Reunions. First sleep-over parties. Playing with puppies. Building a snowman.
You know, everyday stuff...
Four generations of first-born males get together for the first time:
Random casual summer day; a mom and her kids:
Cutting lilies out of the pond.
50th Birthday party:
Well, you get the idea. I want to take pictures. Of people. Doing stuff.
In fact, I was so excited about this notion, that I started a new blog.
Oh you know I did.
Well, now I have a fulltime job.
I don't know.
I'll probably delete that other blog.
Three things I'm thankful for:
1. I have a job with an organization that has been rated one of the top ten employers in CANADA.
2. I had a lovely, stress-free, comfortable visit with my dad this evening.
3. God loves me.
Ooops. Look. It's 1:30 am. I suck at going to bed early.