Thursday, February 7, 2013

So old.

Glad, oh so very glad that today is done.
That whole HOT SEAT thing? Was a gazillionty times worse than I anticipated.
(HOT SEAT = everyone gets to ask the new person an awesome or awkward question.)

As previously mentioned, I am the oldest person in the entire building.
No I'm not.
But I'm the oldest, by at least 20 years, in the Creative Services department.

And this was a Creative Services only 'getting-to-know-you' hour long meeting.
Everyone was supposed to bring a snack.
I baked a chocolate cake and frosted it with whipping cream/cream cheese/ amaretto the night before.
Everyone else ran to the grocery store on their lunch break and bought chips/cheezies/fruit.

Already I am different.

Everyone puts their snacks on the table, and lets folks help themselves.

I stand, cut up and serve my cake. Not really giving anybody a choice as to whether they wanted it or not. I am such a mom.

I brought paper plates, plastic forks and napkins.

I can't turn it off people.

I'm an old Mennonite female.
We are prepared. We serve. We don't serve store-bought desserts.

And we, the introverted ones, HATE not getting the list of question in advance so that we can prepare our answers accordingly. It was going to be a shoot-from-the-hip situation for me. And I? Am to new to these circumstances, so I? Will not be the best version of myself. I know I will not be jovial, witty, quick or even sarcastic. I am going to be a lump.

I tried to prepare.
When I originally thought that I would be asking questions to the other newbies - I asked for help on facebook, getting many suggestions of good questions to ask. And then I went online and googled "50 Good Questions to Ask" and got many great ideas. So I memorized 10 of them, so I knew what I'd ask, given the opportunity.

(In fact, I even practised MY answers to all 75 questions gathered, thinking that the chances were pretty good that someone would ask me about my bucket list, my favorite music, my 'perfect' day,  my leisure time activities, etc. This was not a helpful exercise.)

Where was I?
Oh yeah, so I've served my cake and am wishing I could take it all back. Just let them help themselves, woman. Don't be so, so, so, whatever it is I am so being, I just need to stop.

There is some discussion on how this will work, and it is decided that 7 of the creatives that have been employed here for some time, will ask the 4 of us newbies the questions. Each person will ask one question, and the 4 of us each answer. Best answer wins.

No, this isn't a competition.
There is no winner.
There is no right or wrong answer.
It's just a chance for everyone to get to know each other.

First question:
"I found out this morning that they are retiring the iron as a piece in the classic Monopoly games. They are introducing a cat in it's place. What monopoly piece would you retire, and what would you replace it with?"

Second question:
"Share with us a time your parents accidentally harmed you, physically."

Third question:
"What is the most embarrassing song on your ipod?"

Fourth question:
"Animals make weird sounds. If you could perfect an animal's sound, which animal would it be? And demonstrate for us what it would sound like."

Fifth question:
"Pennies are no longer in use. What other common, small thing in society do you wish they would get rid of?"

Sixth question:
"Would you rather be a giant hamster or a tiny rhino and why?"

Seventh question:
"What do you fear you will regret at the end of your life?"

And then?
They went around the table again and asked SEVEN MORE QUESTIONS.

By this point, I lookdown at myself.
My arms are tightly crossed against my chest.
My legs are crossed.
I've moved back away from the table, and I'm sitting way back in my chair.
I can't see my face but I'm sure it's not smiling and open.
I'm probably scowling.
I probably have forehead wrinkles and mouth wrinkles and I'm dying.
I can barely breathe.

I am praying the entire time, "God? Please make this end."

It did end. After an hour. As planned.
There are some situations that you just have to plow through.

I swear I am going to take up drinking any day now.

Three things I am thankful for:

1. Drew and Danica were here for supper. Yay. (Even though these Wednesday night meals are so rushed ... I get home at 5:30. Start making dinner asap. We eat at about 6:20. And they leave at 6:40... it's better than nothing. I'll take what I can get.)

2. I will never, ever, in my whole entire life, have to be in the hot seat at a getting-to-know-you meeting again.

3. I am thankful, that according to my poll, 86% of the entire population agrees with me that holding hands means something. Oh don't talk to me about statistics. They can all be manipulated anyway.


1 comment:

Tricia said...

Per Megan's request aim answering the questions. In the privacy of my home. With time to think and no one to judge me except Megan.....which she does on occasion.
1. I'd replace the wheel barrow with a cool vintage airplane. My first response was to replace the cannon with an AK47 assault rifle, but then Meg told me there was no cannon.
2. I don't remember a time my parents accidentally hurt me, it was always intentional.
3.the most embarrassing song on my depends on who's asking. I have some less than Christ like rap.
4. I have perfected the silent bunny rabbit.
5. Cigarette filters that litter the road and landscape.
6. A tiny rhino. I've had hamsters and they live short miserable lives.
7.not living in the present, always thinking about the past. Not having adventures.