Tuesday, March 19, 2013

I Passed with a C+

Today was the day of my first employee review.
I did OK.

Know how I've been mentioning that I feel like a 15 year old and don't know how to 'fit in' at social events (like lunch time) around here?

This was a comment on my report card:

 Jane is respectful and works hard to help others accomplish their roles and goals.  She gets along well with others and is very encouraging. Jane's humility sometimes leaves others with the wrong impression that she might not be on top of things.  The reality is that she is paying attention to details and has things under control. I would encourage Jane to get more involved in the social aspects of the organization.  She is doing a good job. Take time to celebrate and have some fun at work too.

I love that he (the guy who hired me, and wouldn't let me quit four days later) knows me so well.

My report card is 4 pages long. These were the final comments: 

 I would encourage Jane to have more confidence in her abilities.  She has the right natural talents and personality for the job, and it is showing in the level of organization and forward planning she is bringing to the team. Despite a bit of a rocky start, she is proving to be an excellent addition to the team.  Jane is a hard worker, who strives to get the job done with excellence.  Jane genuinely encourages her teammates, both those inside the creative services team and others involved in projects. Jane is a great addition to the team who has a servant's heart and a real desire to see those around her shine.

So. I play well with others and try hard. If this was kindergarten I'd get a gold sticker.

But this is the bigs. Real life. No gold sticker. Just some job security. 

Know how I feel right now?

I've got that song blaring while I type this.

And I keep walking away from my laptop to dance. 
I? Am a happy camper.

And I know that my good report card is thanks to a whole village who got me to this point.
God gave me a some life experiences and natural talents that have uniquely prepared me for this job - but I wouldn't still be there if you and you and you hadn't been praying me through the month of December. 

I just looked back at the emails I received after I crashed, and y'know wut? I am blessed. Tears of joy are on my cheeks right now as I re-read notes of encouragement, from you, my friends and family. I'm posting them below. 
Why would I do that?
To encourage you to read them and think of someone in your life that could use a message like the ones I received. Feel free to change the name, copy the words and send them to a hurting/scared/overwhelmed friend. It will make all the difference in the world. Trust me.

Three things I'm thankful for:
1. A good GREAT Monday. (It started off a bit rocky, at the lab in the hospital trying to pee in a cup. Stupid bladder.) But it ended fabulously. Yay! Book club. At my house. People were here. Talking about Isabel's Daughter. 
My favorite quote:
"Your absence has gone through me like thread through a needle, Everything I do is stitched with its color"

2. So thankful for the blue skies and sunshine today. And the purple primroses in my garden. And the feather-edged tulips on my table. And the happy people in my life.

3. And I'm thankful that I still have a mom. She was my first call after my review. I'm 52 years old. And it's my mom I call. She better live to be 137. 


This is the end of today's post.
However, if you want to get some ideas on how to be an encouragement to others, feel free to read on: 

I'd love to help encourage you somehow.

oh Jane - I've been there. praying for you.

I am so sorry, Jane.  You've been soldiering on so valiantly for all of this very challenging year - I guess it was bound to catch up with you.  I am (and have been) praying for you.
Available for venting/ranting/whatever.

Oh Jane, I just feel sick for you. If you need me, I am here. I can pray, drink tea, not talk, talk, walk, what ever you need. 
Be patient with yourself. Do not hibernate, spend time with safe people.
Our God who loves us, Who has us on this battleground of life.  Who sees the big picture and walks with us, will continue to. This I know from my own journey.
Call me if you need me. It is never an imposition.

I totally know the feeling. And I will pray. It's awful to experience, just hang on to our Father's hand, it's all you can humanly do. Much love,

Oh my goodness.  Can I meet you for lunch today?
We need to talk and pray.
We need to just hang out and try to figure this out.  

Well, I'm praying for you Jane. 

You are in my prayers!!!

Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you...I am just around the corner and just a quick call away if you needed to pray with someone, a meal prepared or just some company.

Oh gosh...this is so not you! Very concerned for you and praying. There is a lot to navigate in your life right now for sure. Praying that God will hold you close and give you strength and peace. So sorry, dear friend,

we are praying for you. 
Panic attacks suck. You will get through this. 

Love you.

Oh Jane.  I suck at emails and oh Jane was my first thought. I will put you at the top of my prayer list.  When I see you next, I am definitely giving you a hug.  I love you.

Jane, if it's any help, what comes to mind when I think of you, is to spend some time with God in centering prayer. No talking, just sitting in His presence. If you'd like to do that, let me know.

Jane I hope you’re feeling better soon. Don’t carry the world on your shoulders. Love you and we are praying for you.

I would like to drop by tomorrow evening. Maybe you won't be home, or maybe you don't want to see anyone. I'll just drop something off. But if you feel up to speaking for a minute, praying together, that would be great. I'll text you just before I come, if I don't hear back I'll just leave something. If you want to see me, let me know. Still thinking of you and lifting you up in prayer throughout the day.

Oh, my dear Jane:
 I am off work tomorrow and Wednesday.  If you need my prayers and not my 'presence'... okay.  But if I can meet up with you and do something... make dinner for you?... Sit and talk?... Go for a walk?... Go for a drive?... Go to a movie?... then I am here and want to get together with you. 

I will call you in the morning or early afternoon.  Whatever you need or want, I am here.

Praying God provides healing and refreshing for you this December.

Don't forget I am here for you.
My dear friend, I feel your pain & disappointment, (your body betraying you).  Jesus understands what you are going through and so do I.  You WILL recover and be stronger in a new way you can't yet imagine!  Please let me know when I can come visit.....in the meantime take all the meds that help, you won't get addicted, get all the rest you need and then some.  Love you,

So glad you have a job. May God give you strength and peace this month. Keep breathing! Slowly!!
Much love,

I can't even imagine. Let me know if there's anything we can do.

I don't know when it will work out to see you, so in the meantime, I will pray for your mind, body, heart and spirit that God will carry you and comfort you, and that you will soon be well. Love you

Praying God heals ever little piece of you that needs healing, and praying His peace fills and envelopes you every minute of everyday!

Hi Jane,
Praying for you this morning - you can do this! As one of the mantras used in our house when we're faced with a daunting task or overload or whatever makes one want to curl up back in bed…enjoy the process. And be easy on yourself. Learning something new and working full-time is a challenge for everyone but I'm also praying that you'll be surprised at how much you'll enjoy about the whole experience too!

Dear Jane,
I'm SO sorry to hear how you are feeling.  This is the Christmas that you needed a rest.  I have been amazed how you have been able to keep going for so long with so much tough stuff in your life.  It's not surprising that you are tired and need a break.  Rest, sleep lots, and take gentle care of yourself.  It's ok if you can't take care of anyone else right now.
Thinking of you often...
Hugs & Love,

I really pray God will cover you in his total peace and let you feel his presence and calm you down. I will never understand how God works, but He really does know what he's doing and this is no surprise to Him. I hope you will feel you can trust him. I am praying for you my friend. I will keep checking up on you. Lots of Love.

BIG hug, pleading a hedge of protection around you as you go through this valley, knowing God will go before you. Jane, you have always been such an inspiration to me Persevere, the best you are able to right now, God's timing is STILL perfect. xo

Funny thing just now, after I asked my friends for prayer, and turned off and walked away from my computer the Lord brought to my mind how He uses our broken. humble pieces. He has an amazing plan for you, Jane, allow His will to be done in His time. xo

I have been thinking of you regarding this current season you are in, and a passage came to mind. A fellow leader at the camp I work at read it aloud to me this past summer when I was at one of my lowest points. It made me break, but it was such an encouragement to me. So here it is...I hope it brings you some encouragement as well.
Ezekiel 37

Hi Jane. I read your blog..... I am praying for you. I can totally relate having dealt with both depression and anxiety most of my life. I know you have a large circle of close friends, but if you ever need "someone else" to talk to who has been in your shoes......I'm here as well.

Well this just stinks. I can totally relate. You have what I had when I burned out and quit my job 10 years ago.
Oh you poor thing. Helluva thing. But you'll get through it. Your doctors right. Take it easy and don't beat yourself up about the new job. You are NOT a failure or whatever other lie Satan is whispering. 
I will continue to pray. Keep in touch when you can. I know how hard that is too.
Bless and love you too my friend.

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