Sunday, June 23, 2013

One Hundred Pounds of Rubbish

... and that's just what I'm throwing out from my desk.

Once I've settled into my new place (no, I still have no idea where that might be), I am going paperless. No more mail.

I just opened about a year's worth. It was all bills that I pay automatically, so it's not like I need to see a paper version too.

After that, I went through the basket (of papers) that I kept my 'current' (papers) in since last June when I put my house up for sale. All the receipts from everything I did to my house and the cabin, as well as correspondence with my Compassion kids and dental receipts (chipped front tooth the day of Drew's grad to the front tooth that fell out on day 6 of my new job) plus resume's, paperwork for new vehicle, my being investigated for fraud re: my unemployment claim, on and on and on. SO. MANY. PAPERS.

I threw them all out.

I feel so much lighter.

Now I'm dealing with the other contents of my desk. (Actually, two desks... the one in the family room and the phone desk in the kitchen). I have rounded up about 250 writing instruments. And checked each one of them before packing them. I have 4 staplers, 2 staple removers, 7 boxes of staples, about a dozen erasers, 7 sets of scissors, a gazillion paper clips, thumb tacks, magnets, and sharpie pens in every color and every size.

My desks? Are well stocked.


Also, there are 4 laptops in my house.
Three don't work.
But you don't just throw them in the garbage, do you?
So they've been sitting on a shelf, waiting for me to decide what to do with them.

Any day now, I'm sure I'll decide.


Oh my goodness,
Once I started rounding them up from all over the place, I got excited.

I am not going to have to buy another battery in my life time.


My collection of hard cover Better Homes and Gardens Decorating and Gardening books?
I am parting ways with them.
They've been replaced by pinterest.


My pile of things that I'm taking to my mom's is growing hourly.
That desk.
That chair.
That cabinet.
Those shelves.
That artwork.
Those photos.
Those pics.
That bedding.
Those towels.
This laptop.
Those books.
These DVD's.
All this camera equipment.


When the kids were babies, it felt like I was buying soothers every week. We kept losing them.
When the kids were teens? It was nail clippers. Despite me buying each of them their own - they were forever misplacing them and taking mine.

Well today?
I found them all.
I have a baggie full of them.
Christmas-stocking shopping is done.


Today? I really wish I was moving straight into my own next place, instead of this temporary stop over at my mom's. Today? I'm not looking forward to having no clear picture as to what the future holds. Today? I'm not thrilled about having some stuff here, some there, some in storage, for an undetermined length of time. Today? I'm tired of making decisions to figure out 'will I need this in the next few days, few weeks, few months,... what about a year? If this is a one year lay-over, am I OK not having access to this until summer 2014'?

Today? I need to trust God more.

Today? This is about me looking at my stuff, and realizing I have more than most.

Today? I'm wondering what God has in mind for me?

And today? I'm hoping that whatever God's plan for me is, there is an English/Irish accent involved.


Just found another basket of writing instruments on my night table next to the phone.
So. Make that 275 working pens in my house.

And another eraser. And more nail clippers. As well as 6 sharpies.


My posts just keep getting more interesting with each passing day, no?


Sorry, I was just called away for a few hours.
Someone showed up at my front door seconds after I got out of the shower.
I ignored the ringing doorbell.

She was not about to be ignored.

So she sat on my green bench and read the People magazines in my blue recycling box. She sent me a text message telling me she wasn't leaving and rang the doorbell again.

I put on a summer dress (no bra) had my hair still wrapped in a towel, and with not a drop of make-up on, answered the door.


We talked for almost two hours.

I have never felt more unprepared for a spontaneous conversation.
I was mostly undressed and my face was naked. My house has exploded with partially packed boxes, piles of stuff ALL OVER THE PLACE (this is going to the dump, that is going to Salvation Army, this pile is for the kids to look through, that is going up to the cabin, this is going to my mom's, these boxes are only half-full, this needs to be washed ...)  I didn't even invite her in.

She sat on my bench.

I stood in the doorway.

(This? Is me, the private me, the me who had a one-track mind today. This is the me,who is obsessed with how very, very, ugly I feel.)

But she wasn't leaving. She was in the mood to visit. And if that meant we visited in my doorway, well, that was fine with her.

And in the end? It wasn't about me.
It was about God wanting us to talk.

I'd love to say that by the end, I wasn't even thinking about how I looked, but at the end? I was totally  thinking about how I looked.

I needed a bra, dried, 'done' hair, make-up, and shaved legs.

A woman's confidence comes when she's comfortable in her skin. I? Am not cool with mine. I need embellishments.


Three things I'm thankful for:

1. I think I have enough boxes.

2. I'm thankful that God moves people to interact regardless of how we initially feel about it. I'm thankful that when stories are shared amongst Christian friends, the response almost always is, "I'll join you in prayer about that..."

3. I'm thankful that at least once I day, I see an indication (mostly through facebook) that Clint is OK. How did mothers of yesteryear handle the not-knowing when their kids went overseas?


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