Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Everything's Fine ...

... until it's not.

It just sneaks up on you... this feeling of things being not so fine.

And then you have to decide; how am I going to react to this? This feeling.


It hit me tonight. (This was written a few nights ago...)
Like, walloped me good.

So I baked brownies.

And prayed.

Sometimes that's all you can do.


Well. I guess I could've done some sit ups.
Or floor exercises.


Or I could've started drinking.
Or popping pills.


Or going on a good rant.

So, considering all my options, I didn't do too badly.


It's always a choice, isn't it?


Dear God,

I know.

I know in my head that You are at work.

And that which I can see? Is only a tiny part of the big picture.
You're on it.

You're ahead of it.

You've already gone where we are heading and have situations and people in place. Just waiting.


And even though I know all that... I still have these feelings.
Of hurt. Fear. Disappointment. Longing.

I've been keeping myself pretty busy, worried, I guess, that if I slow down, I'm going to have to face emotions that I don't want to acknowledge.

How come it feels like its the 'same old' over and over again.
Like, I was sure, WAS SURE, I  had laid some things to rest. That I had peace about them. That I had forgiven and moved on.

And then, Boom. Just like that. Those same feelings get stirred up AGAIN, and crap, I am just so tired of it.  I'll hand it all over to you again tonight. And probably again tomorrow morning. And again in the afternoon.

So exhausting.
Hurt. Fear. Disappointment. Longing.

You've got a plan, right?
A good one?

Well,OK then.

I will hand them over to you.
All 78 of them.
OKFINE... 79. Fine. I'll pray for him too.
You know who they all are. And what they need.
So go at it.

I'll just get out of Your way and watch in awe.

Protect them.
Guide them.
Call them.
Surround them.
Reveal Yourself to them.
Open their eyes.
Enable them to respond.

Love them.
Give them hope.
Provide them with wise mentors, faithful friends, positive co-workers, good employers.

And for those situations that are coming up?
I pray Your will be done.
Use those occasions for Your purposes.

I want to chill out about stuff I can't control.
Help me to do that.


Three things I'm thankful for:

1. He listens when we pray.
2. He is faithful and good. We can count on that.
3. I didn't eat the whole pan of brownies.


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