So I gave myself a time out.
I am at the lake thinking about things.
Turns out, after a bit of thought and some online research, my diagnosis is I'm getting old.
And these things (hair loss, impatience, lapses in memory, skin that doesn't heal well, teeth that are at the end of their life-cycle, bones that ache ...) these things are normal, and to be expected in women between the ages of 45 and 55.
There is no way to put a positive spin on that, other than to realize this was part of God's great, beautiful and perfect plan for us when He created our world. (Gag. Barf.) We would age. And our bodies would slowly fall apart. (But WHYYYY God? Surely there were other options available to You when designing us?)
I'm going bald.
Yes, that is probably an over-reaction to having hair fall out like there's a contest going on on my head, with the last one to leave being a rotten egg.
Hair. It was my thing.
For all of my life, that's been the constant.
I am blonde.
I do not have memorable eyes (I come from a long line of ancestors with small blue ones), my smile is not wide and full (hiding those also-inherited bad teeth) and my skin is a detailed parchment map showing the scars of acne (from my teen years) and the wrinkles of worry (from my kids' teen years). But by golly, I could effortlessly grow thick hair in my sleep. Without even trying.
Danica, bless her, has taken my situation seriously. She's found some serum and a shampoo to help. God knew what He was doing when He gave me a hair stylist for a daughter-in-law. (Although, I am skeptical. How can you bring new life into something that's old/dead. We will have a funeral for my follicles once I've gotten a handle on my grieving.)
And Julie, (my sisterstylist for 35 years) was at first, all "You've got SO much hair. Seriously. Stop worrying, you have enough hair for two peopl... oh wait. WHERE DID ALL YOUR HAIR GO? There's like, hardly any here... What're we gonna do about bangs? We may have to ... hmmm. Will it grow back? Good news is, you still have no grey..."
So, yeah. The hair thing and the irritable thing are what prompted me to take a few days off work to get a grip. Investigate. Research. Prepare. Chat with God about this new phase. Mourn the official passing of youth.
This stage I'm in? Sounds alot like "Mennonite at rest". Which is accurate.
Or "Taking a pause from men." Which is also a true statement. (Although, after 19 years, I'm not so sure I'd call it a pause.)
Regarding all my symptoms and signs of aging (listed above) - do you know what the #1 recommendation is to keep it at bay? Low fat/low carb diet and exercise.
Diet and exercise. Is the answer to everything.
Depressed? Eat less and move more.
Insomnia? Don't eat so much, and take a walk.
Getting old? Stop eating all the good foods and spend more time getting sweaty.
Losing your hair? Go on a diet and join a gym.
You can fight it, or you can embrace it.
I joined a gym.
And I'm at the lake, figuring out a food plan for the
Eliminating sweets is where I'm starting; and I'm doing this in isolation because no one needs to be around this level of negativity.
Plus after doing some research, I found a list of foods/vitamins that are helpful in restoring hair. Some foods are kinda gross, but ones I will eat more of are almonds, salmon, eggs, sweet potatoes and spinach. Plus Vit B6 and Folic acid.
I'm not expecting a miracle.
I can't turn back the hands of time; but maybe I can slow down the impact its having on my head.
In my conversations with God, I just can't bring myself to ask Him to restore what once was. I have so many other miracle-requests, that this one feels vain and self-serving. I'd rather He spent time seeking out lost souls than my lost hair.
Regarding my impatience and irritability?
I do not want them to be a part of the new me.
I couldn't find a vitamin or a super-food that would heal me of grumpiness.
So, apologies in advance if I snark out at you. I don't mean to. The hormones (or lack thereof) made me do it.
Three things I'm thankful for:
1. Transitioning is hard; eventually this cold scalp will be the new normal and I'll stop obsessing.
2. Grateful for friends who've walked this path already and seem to have adjusted well enough.
3. Thankful for a week off. Sunshine would've been nice. But rain on the roof is OK.