I may have gotten the diagnosis, but my mom has a daughter with breast cancer. And my kids have a mom with breast cancer. We're all adjusting to what that means. They're all pulling together for me. But I know they all have needs too. Different from mine. But just as real. Praying that they each have someone to talk to. Someone who'll listen to their fears. Someone who'll pray with them. Someone who'll check in on them. Someone who'll distract them now n then with something fun. Someone who'll remind them that this is all in God's hands when they get overwhelmed. Someone who'll lift them up when they're down.
We had dinner at Drew and Dani's last Sunday evening. Seeing we don't just get together 'because'... the purpose of our gathering was to talk.
About hard things. Just in case I'm dying.
- My will
- Medical Representation
- Power of Attorney
- Estate taxes, probate fees
- Life insurance
I've been proud of them their whole lives.
But never as strongly as I was on Sunday night.
My boys are men. They, and Danica, were thoughtful, careful, mature, and true to themselves, acknowledging their strengths and identifying areas where they weren't ideally suited to take leadership. If they'll be making decisions for me someday, I am in good, capable, loving hands.
They each volunteered to take on a different role, which, in my opinion, they were perfect for. I am so very lucky they are mine.
I hope the other Aug First Ladies have 'people'.
It's not so lonely when your people rally round.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd let the kids know The Plan:
- On Monday night, after I follow the very specific washing/showering instructions, Dani will braid my hair. (I won't be able to wash it again for a week after... and when we can manage, she'll take me to her salon and do it in a lean-back sink.)
- Julie (sister) was going to drive me to the surgical centre (Jimmy Pattison) on Tuesday morning, and she'll pick me up later in the day.
- My mom will keep an eye on me during the days following surgery.
- My cousin, Renee' will stop by in the evening to check on me/my drain for a couple evenings.
- Max will sleep downstairs in my media room for a couple nights.
... and then I got a text from Max:
and I started to bawl.
I did not expect this.
I just feel so very well loved and cared for.
And we tweaked the Sept 3 plan:
- He'll drive me in the morning.
- Julie will be there when I wake up and will sit with me til I'm discharged.
I know.
And the lady who lives across the street asked my mom if she could take photos of the house. Somehow the conversation went from pics to my diagnosis. And turns out? She's an RN. She gave us her phone number. I'm to call her, post op, if I have any troubles, if I'm scared about something, if something doesn't feel right, if I have a fever, if I need someone to talk to. ANYTIME. DAY OR NIGHT. She will come right over. And apparently? The guy who lives RIGHT NEXT DOOR? Is an doctor.
Sometimes? God just shows off.
I have no immediate nursing help.
And now I have an abundance of it.
If I cry these days? Its because I'm the recipient of Good Things.
It's overwhelming.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a little bit more transparent than I usually am on this blog.
I wrote this in late July.
If you ask God questions like this, you can bet He's going to answer.
This month has been 30 days of revelation. Every. Single. Day. SOMEONE tells me something about myself.
I hope I live long enough to speak truth and life into the lives that matter to me.
Also? Know this. Even if you don't think you 'have words', YOU DO. Written or spoken or prayed, your words have washed over me and I am not the same person I was when I wrote that journal entry a month ago.
And?
If you don't have friends who'll say, in the driveway, in the front seats of your car, on the beach, at a picnic table, in a sunflower patch, in a restaurant, "can I pray for you now?" you should definitely find some friends that do. Because. There's something very holy/special hearing someone to talk to God about you.
Three things I'm thankful for:
1. A week filled with good memories, good conversations, good friends; from book buying, to riding the ferris wheel at the PNE to meeting Alex ...
2. Thankful for a fun Friday afternoon/evening in Fairhaven, then attending the Louise Penny event.
Book nerds unite.
#accurate:
Friends walking single file:
Louise Penny was HILARIOUS. And warm, kind, entertaining, intelligent and just plain lovely.
ALL of our peers were in the audience. Sold out theatre with 1200 people. 1100 of us were past child-bearing age. SO many great grey-haired people-watching opportunities...
3. Checked off a ton of items on my To Do list:
New reading glasses. I love them.
A new bra. Not lacy. Not push up. No underwire. Not red. It should keep the girls flattened and in place while I sleep. Fun.
And new slippers.
Bought the special surgical soap sponges for my pre-op showers.
Bought 76 gallons of apple juice for my pre-op prep. (Need to drink apple juice at midnight and again at 7:30 am to keep my blood sugars stablized while having surgery and recovering.)
Went through the car wash.
Vacuumed my truck out.
Filled it with gas. Twice.
Had a pedicure to have my polish removed and my heels softened.
(I had a mosquito bite on my right foot, and used the heel of my left foot to scratch it. I scraped off 16 layers of skin. It's still healing.)
4. Thankful for gifts of flowers, jams, jelly's, cards, hugs, time, words...
5. Thankful for the lyrics in songs like this one:
Good Good Father
I've heard a thousand stories of what they think you're like
But I've heard the tender whispers of love in the dead of night
And you tell me that you're pleased
And that I'm never alone
But I've heard the tender whispers of love in the dead of night
And you tell me that you're pleased
And that I'm never alone
You're a good good father
It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are
And I'm loved by you
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am
It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are
And I'm loved by you
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am
I've seen many searching for answers far and wide
But I know we're all searching
For answers only you provide
'Cause you know just what we need
Before we say a word
But I know we're all searching
For answers only you provide
'Cause you know just what we need
Before we say a word
You're a good good father
It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are
And I'm loved by you
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am
It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are
And I'm loved by you
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am
Shalom,
xo
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