Waaay back during the ice age, when perms were still in style, I met Patty. She was the opposite of me, with her naturally curly jet black hair and amazing voice and mad piano playing skills. She was on the worship team. I was in the audience.
When that church closed down, (as small churches I attend are wont to do), and everyone scattered, Patty, Marg and I kept in touch.
And that 'keeping in touch' developed into a friendship that's lasted over 20 years. We meet once a month for dinner (usually White Spot, but sometimes we shake things up and go for pizza. Or sometimes we'll go to wherever Patty has a discount coupon for.) If we've all had an easy month, and conversation is light and breezy, we'll go see a movie. (At times we're the only ones in the theatre...you can thank us for keeping the entertainment industry alive.)
But.
But if any of us has been dealing with something heavy, and tears have been part of the meal, we'll forego the movie. We'll sit and chat til the crying stops. We absolutely cannot fix each other's problems. So we simply talk them to death. Haha.
I think (someone will correct me if I'm wrong, I'm sure) Patricia was the first step mom that I came to know well.
I overheard her daughter talking to Clint, when they were in their teens, and it was only then that I realized she hadn't actually given birth to her oldest two children. It was so eye-opening to me. Those were 100% her kids. She loved them as fully and completely and unconditionally and as perfectly/imperfectly as she did her youngest.
I don't know why that surprised me. But I admire her for it.
For the way she loves, cares, adores, supports, provides, believes in the family that God blended especially for her.
Life is messy. And yet, through it all, she continues to love with her entire heart.
So inspiring.
Since then, 'step moms' have become more common (at least in my life), but she was the first, and I have put her on a bit of a pedestal for that.
She's kinda famous for her musical talent. But seeing she doesn't sing to me at the White Spot, or dazzle me with piano recitals, that part of her life rarely impacts our evenings together. But as you'll see, in her answers to my probing questions, it's a huge part of her life.
Let me introduce you to Patty.
My friend who loves to laugh.
Hey Patty,
What would you tell a younger version of yourself?
I wish I would have had the confidence I have now. Because I was so unconfident I needed affirmation of my worth, beauty, 'niceness', likeability, from others. I have been given so many "2nd chances" that I also realize that every decision made affected the trajectory of my life, thankfully, that is where my faith comes in; God knew, knows, and has me in the palm of His hand.
What makes your life meaningful?
I think it is a daily thankfulness.
I am thankful for silly details like sitting on my patio enjoying a conversation.
I am thankful for my pool, it's my daily happy place PLUS my favourite way to spend time with friends. My family; my brothers who are so faithful to me as their sister; my own children and grandchildren. How can one measure the heartaches which I wouldn't trade for the world, and the immeasurable
joy they bring. I feel like I never get to see them enough.
For my partner, Victor, his quiet contentment that brings joy to every day.
For my friends, from so many different paths of life.
I have been super blessed.
Any mentors? People who've inspired you?
Yeah a couple:
- Home - my dad;
- Bible College - Bill Derksen (who believed in and nurtured my music journey)
- Friends who have been with me through so many ups and downs
- My mom - her hard work ethic and her faith.
So. What do you like about being this age?
Accepting what my life has been, forgiving myself for what I wish I would have done differently. Realizing that each day is a gift so what will I do with that, today.
Realizing that somedays, there is no big goal and that's okay too.
Annnd, what're you looking forward to?
I still hope to make it to Portugal.
I look forward to many more monthly dinners and movies with Jane & Marg; to being a part of
my grandkids as they grow; to enjoying the little and big things in life; to actually tackling some of the projects I set up for my retirement.
Any fears?
Hmm, that's a tough one.
As I age I suspect that I will experience dementia like my mom. So I hope that my family will learn to be gracious in that journey.
I fear suffering with some lingering disease in my old age and hope for a quick release when the time comes. That makes me sound rather selfish.
I kind of don't fear what I don't know I guess? I think that God gives strength as needed in the midst of our fears in life.
So. Looking back... what're your 3 greatest highlights?
(1) I had a definite God encounter when I was early on in my pregnancy.
(2) Forgiveness: simultaneously, I was disowned by my mom when I was pregnant. Her eventual change of heart resulted in her blessing my little family for many years
(3) Career: I did NOT want to teach in the school system.
My parents were big believers in finishing what you start.
So although I got my teaching degree after high school, I taught for one year then decided I would rather perform, teach singing privately etc. When pregnant I realized I should likely do something with that teaching degree. It ended up being an incredible career. I was able to use the gifts God gave me; able to spend all the school breaks with my kids, and the best part of it all was that I ended up really enjoying teaching music in the public school system.
Not to brag, but I think it ended up being a fantastic career and I wasn't too shabby in it lol.
Any life changing events along the way? Learn anything?
Hmm. So I had some health challenges that started at 15 which I think was very impactful to lacking in confidence. But by living through it, I had to get out of my "shell" and be bigger than what I was going through.
I always felt that God had gifted me with my voice which was His tool through me?
I had a 20 year marriage that when it fell apart; I fell apart with it. But the rebuilding of a post divorce life, wow, talk about forgiveness
- for myself, to and from the kids, the ex, removing the "blinders", and making "now" more deliberate?
What did I learn?
That life isn't black and white. For all my tough times, there were also good times; for all my mistakes, there's been grace.
A really big tough one.
I don't feel beautiful, never have. Then when I see pictures from earlier days I am surprised, thinking,
why didn't I see my smile, my joy....and fast forward to now, I still don't see it. Now I see the overweight me.
So that probably is my true lifelong battle. I see beauty all around me, in people I love especially, but don't see it in me.
("Pffft." says Jane.)
How about any general wisdom? Topic of your choice...
Laugh.
Keep friends close (even if from so many different parts of one's life)
Forgive, there's no benefit in hanging on to fear or hate.
Faith, it's been and is the foundation in my journey.
Faithfulness, integrity, joy, love, those are daily decisions that one chooses.
Flower Tulips & Gerbera daisies - I like the vibrant colours. Maybe it's cause I generally wear black but like colour in my world
Snacks Virginia salted peanuts in the shell and red wine (Malbec). After my divorce I remember
asking Nik to help me carry in some groceries and he replied, "what? a case of popcorn and wine?"
Christmas memory: how can I pick one! My mom took our family to Hawaii for Christmas when Rebecca was 12, Pierce 10, and Nikolas 8. So I had wrapped photocopies of the tickets with a snorkel set for each of the kids. Before opening, my kids, "gee, Grandma's presents sure look small this year, lame" (ungrateful or what!). I remember their disbelief and excitement when they realized we were flying to Hawaii on Boxing Day.
Song(s): In my Grade 12 yearbook I was noted for singing here, there, and everywhere. Music has been a foundation as long as I can remember. I remember singing with my Dad at home, in our small community and Church, as early as 5. He'd play guitar, he taught me how to harmonize. I won't go through my whole music/life journey; but imagine, I had no interest in any school reunions, but went to my choir reunion, from my teens. Music opened so many doors, travel, missions, Band (Woodhaven), solos, theatre, friendships, worship team, career.
So to pick a song, wow.
Whitney Houston - I Will Always Love You
John Legend's - All of me (of course, only when sung by Victor Chambray)
Nik's - Time Song and SnowFoot
Smetna's - the Moldau
Bob James - A Mighty Fortress is our God
Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody
Wayfarin - Stranger (arranged by Chester Duncan)....
City Vancouver, Stanley Park
Country Greece
Verse Philippians 4: 6-7 "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all
comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Activity that brings joy - spending time with family, friends, swimming, playing piano, reading...
Surprising moments - By my early 20's I discovered I wouldn't be able to have kids. So becoming "mom" to Rebecca and Pierce when I met their dad, then actually getting pregnant with Nikolas, was like the best gift ever.
Thanks, Patty.
xo
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