How often does the average person stop and assess their life? Make a list? Decide to change things? I propose that normal people do this, maybe, once a year. At New Year's. I usually do it four times a year; New Years, again at the start of Lent, on my birthday and, of course, in September when everyone's getting ready for a new school year/ministry calendar.
Now that I'm writing "Currently's" once a month, I pause 12 times a year. And when a Currently coincides with a birthday - whoa. So much pressure to be reflective. And deep.
People, I tried to make this month's Currently worth reading, but, well, it is what it is. Rambling nonsense, mostly.
There was some gold nuggets in here earlier, but they never got saved and I can't be bothered to re-think it. Nor can I remember what I wrote. Hahaha. Must've been life-changing.
So, with that said, here we go:
Things I am:
Obsessing over,
Working on,
Thinking about,
Anticipating,
Listening to,
Eating,
Praying for,
Reading,
Happy about,
Wishing.
1. I am obsessing over:
- I am remembering the first 'Currently' I read on someone else's blog. She, at the time, was obsessing about a pair of boots she wanted to own. Why can't I obsess about clothing items? It's so much easier to share a fondness, for say, winter footwear.
- With that in mind, I am going to confide in you. I am obsessing over new appropriate-for-work summer shoes. I just don't know. I need to get something.
- Also. I am obsessing about my kids. As per usual. Will that ever end?
- And I'm choosing not to obsess about my living arrangements. I am poking my toe at a few options, and I guess I'll see. In the meantime, things are OK.
- And that's all I'm obsessing about. Really. Because between kids and shoes, who has time for anything else?
2. I am working on:
- Making the most of this summer. I wait for it all year, and I don't want to waste an evening or a weekend doing nothing. I need to define 'waste'. And 'nothing.'
- At work, I am working on writing a Production Manual. (It's kind of like a self-directed study at school. No one's asked me to do this.) I just think I should have one in place in case I die suddenly and someone has to step in at the last minute and take over. They're going to need step by step instructions on how to do my job. Or if I get early onset alzheimers, and I forget how to do something, there will be a manual with step-by-step instructions to help me keep my job just a little bit longer.
- Softening my left elbow. Why is it only that one that's rough? The right one is lovely and soft. How am I doing this? Every day at work, at least half a dozen times, I put lotion/cream on it. This accomplishes two things, really. One, my elbow should eventually soften-up and secondly? My office smells like mango at least 6 times a day.
- I am also working on becoming a more positive person. I was recently accused of being negative and only seeing the bad in people. "You view people through sin-coloured lenses. You can't see past the things they are doing that you interpret as sinful."
3. I am thinking about:
- The report card I got today. (Mid-term employee review.) Two things... first was that it was good. (No duh.) (Smile.) And that I wanted to share it with someone. And the only person I could think of that would be happy/proud of me, was my mom. And then I thought of my friends who've lost their moms, I hoped their husbands or kids who would be delighted with their report cards. And then I wondered who 'my person' is going to be when my mom passes away. (I'm PMS-ing. Morbid thoughts abound.) And the second thing about that report card that has me thinkin' is that it was written by my supervisor who is Clint's age. And how thorough and professional it was. And how, even when I don't think anyone's watching, someone is. And it's him. And I'm thinking about how much I learn from watching him do his job.
- Also thinking about a conversation I was a part of this morning at breakfast. (We had a company-wide breakfast this morning. So I had to be there earlier than usual.) It was noted that I am tanned. And it was noted that I had blonde hair. And how unusual it is to have dark tanned skin and blonde hair. And then the conversation went around to the dangers of tanning and how it's better to stay out of the sun. And how tanning beds are cancer machines. I mentioned that when I was a teen I had terrible acne and the dermatologist that I was seeing would stand me in front of a face-tanner a few times a week to 'zap' my face. And how it was the best 'cure' ... it accelerated the healing process. And THEN one of the gals looked at me and said, "Have you found that as you've gone through menopause that your skin has cleared up?" THIS IS THE SECOND TIME SOMEONE HAS TALKED TO ME ABOUT MENOPAUSE AT WORK, WITH MANY PEOPLE AROUND. I guess if everyone on the internet knows my cycles, why should I have a problem sharing my personal information with my co-workers. Haha. She seemed surprised when I told her I hadn't gone through it yet. Seriously. I need to know what the men talk about at these things.
- Kinda, also thinking, but don't want to, about my birthday, which was on Sunday. I knew, months ago, that it was going to suck, so I made plans to be elsewhere. (Las Vegas for the weekend. I have some flex days coming and I can only take one per month - and it worked out perfectly to take the May flex day on Friday and the June flex day on Monday. BUT THERE WAS A WEDDING ON SATURDAY. AND I HAD RESPONSIBILITIES. So travel plans were nixed. Will have to see Elton John and Donny Osmond another time.) Anyway, as far as birthdays go, it was fine. Totally fine. But nothing special. It was sunny (Yay) so I went to the lake (Yay) by myself (I'm OK being by myself) to read and tan (Yay). And when I got home, my mom took me out for dinner. (Yay). And that was that. Could've been any Sunday in my life. A good day, but nothing 'special'. I got about a hundred facebook messages wishing me a day surrounded by loved ones, or hoping I'd get spoiled, or, well, you, know... a day that looked a lot differently than the one I had. And all things considered? It was a fine day. But when I compared it (AND FACEBOOK IS HORRIBLE FOR THAT) to others who were celebrating birthdays over the weekend, mine looked sad, no matter how I tried to spin it.
- I'm thinking about how to make this year significant. So when I look back, I can say, I lived this year well. Wondering if I should make it a year of gratitude/encouragement. And not just by tacking three things I'm thankful for at the end of my blog posting. Maybe having a bunch of post-it notes pre-written, and in my purse, so I can leave a trail of them behind me. Like, at a restaurant - leave one stuck to the table, thanking the waiter for her professionalism or her refilling my ice water so often. Or leave one on the mirror in a public washroom that says, 'you have a great smile'. Or something. I dunno. Still thinking 'bout it.
- Also. Someone from Manchester, England googled some words (I don't know which ones) and ended up on my blog. The page they landed on, early November 2009, contained this:
Eggs in the Creek
From the book "Scouting the Divine" by Margaret Feinberg:
I remembered the geese in the barn, and how they were constantly walking around."What are they looking for?" I asked Lynne."They're looking for their eggs," she said."Where are they?" I asked."I threw them in the creek," she said.
My eyes bulged in disbelief. I couldn't help blurting out,"Why?"Lynne's action seemed cold and cruel - a far cry from the gentle shepherd-woman who loved her sheep.
"Because they were infertile," she said. "They will never hatch. I need to get these geese back to their regular life. For three months they've been sitting on infertile eggs. The only way to get them back to the way they're supposed to be living is to take away their dead eggs."
What infertile dream am I sitting on?What lies have I believed and am still trying to hatch?Am I still looking for eggs that have been thrown in the creek?
Wow. I don't know if that random person from England even read that bit, but it just hit me smack upside the head.
What infertile dream am I sitting on? What lies have I believed and am still trying to hatch? Am I looking for eggs that God has thrown in the creek?
Off the top, I can think of at least 4 dreams that are likely infertile. SO HARD TO TOSS THOSE LONGINGS AWAY.
But then, how do you really know if it's infertile? Maybe. Maybe God is saying "wait; have patience, woman. I have a few other things that need to happen first." Or maybe He's said "no, move on," and I am knee deep in that creek, looking for rotten eggs to put under my butt.
It's confusing at times.
4. I am anticipating:
8. I am reading:
What infertile dream am I sitting on? What lies have I believed and am still trying to hatch? Am I looking for eggs that God has thrown in the creek?
Off the top, I can think of at least 4 dreams that are likely infertile. SO HARD TO TOSS THOSE LONGINGS AWAY.
But then, how do you really know if it's infertile? Maybe. Maybe God is saying "wait; have patience, woman. I have a few other things that need to happen first." Or maybe He's said "no, move on," and I am knee deep in that creek, looking for rotten eggs to put under my butt.
It's confusing at times.
4. I am anticipating:
- A few more Friday night adventures. I have a list of places and spaces I'd like to visit this summer.
- SUMMER NIGHTS!
- Some laughter and some tears.
- Watching a few movies (on rainy evenings only.)
- Tea 'n talk with some friends I haven't connected with in awhile.
5. I am listening to:
- Well, when I started this, I was at the lake. It was night and I was listening to horny crickets. Hahaha. I'm finishing this off in Surrey where it's dead quiet. (The cricket comment was in reference to my Facebook status earlier this weekend. If you're not on Facebook I'm sad for you.)
6. I am eating:
- Nothing. It's 1 am.
- But an hour ago I had an undeniable craving for pizza. I had a canteloupe instead. Is it gasp-worthy that I ate the whole thing? (Again, a Facebook reference.) I am determined to have pizza tomorrow.
7. I am praying for:
- Tonight's prayer from " A Diary of Private Prayer" by John Baillie
O God, let Your spirit enter my heart.
(And as I pray this prayer, let not any room within me be closed to keep you out.)
O God, give me the power to follow after that which is good.
(And as I pray this prayer, let there be no secret purpose of evil formed in my mind that waits for an opportunity of fulfilment.)
O God, bless all my undertakings and cause them to prosper.
(And as I pray this prayer, let me not be still holding on to some undertaking of which I dare not ask Your blessing.)
O God, give me chastity.
(And as I pray this prayer, let me not say to myself secretly, but not yet, or but not really.)
O God, bless every member of this household.
(And as I pray this prayer, let me not still harbour in my heart a wrongful feeling of jealousy or bitterness or anger towards any of them.)
O God, bless my enemies and those who have done me wrong.
(And as I pray this prayer, let me not still cherish in my heart the resolve to revenge them when the occasion offers.)
O God, let Thy Kingdom come on earth.
(And as I pray this prayer, let me not be still intending to devote my own best hours and years to the service of lesser ends.)
- And of course, I'm still praying for those 78 names on my list. I've got it printed out and stuck to my desk at work. So whenever I have a moment free from thinking about important work stuff (ha) I look at my list of peeps and talk to God about them.
- And I'm praying for the cities in Brazil that are hosting the world cup. And all those folks who are travelling there to be a part of the party.
- And I'm praying for those kidnapped girls.
- And, and and.
8. I am reading:
- The Power of One Thing (will blog about this later this week)
- plus I finished two books this weekend. But alas. I am too lazy to grab my Kindle and find the titles.
9. I am happy about:
10. I am wishing:
Sorry - I'm out of steam. Will finish this tomorrow. Maybe.
:)
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