Saturday, November 28, 2015

Dad and Glen

Oh my goodness.
I am a weepy, snotty, puffy-eyed, aching, blubbery mess.

This is probably another thing I should not have done in November.

My dad has been on my mind these past few days.
For the last 7 years of his life, I missed the man he used to be (before his brain, and then his body were broken). I missed the vibrant, loud, story-telling, hard-working, incredibly generous, loving man of yesteryear,

But this week, I was missing the dad who had made his peace about living on a lumpy narrow bed in a room at the end of the hall. I was remembering those slow gentle evenings where I'd sit beside him while we watched North to Alaska for the 79th time and he reminded me who I was ("you're my oldest. Your name is Jane. You have three sons. You are divorced. You used to have a plum tree in your back yard. You're a smarty pants") and how he felt about me ("I love you").

And I'm recognizing that our family has not been the same since his dementia took hold. I'm not a fan of this season. Which has nothing to do with my dad but I thought I'd mention it.

Anyway, it's been a lovely week. I've been out with various friends, saw a movie, (Brooklyn. I recommend it) no one died or lost an eye at work, (so every crisis was manageable) PLUS IT WAS CLEAR AND SUNNY EVERY SINGLE DAY. Seeing Advent begins on Sunday, I thought I'd jumpstart the Christmas season by spending the evening with friends wandering through some festive and merry shops that were sure to be dripping with sparkles and snowflakes. (Potters, Pier One, Homesense and Chapters.) We finished the night with a late dinner at Browns. (I recommend the Potato Crusted Halibut and Almond Rice. Yum x 100).

I've done everything I could think of to remain calm and bright this month. (One has to be very intentional about this. And I have been, Very intentional.) So I should have known that settling in at midnight to watch that Glen Campbell bio was going to rip my heart apart. And boy howdy. Did it ever get shredded.

Alzheimers is just awful.

SO much of Glen's journey reminded me of my dad's.

Heart wrenching.

My eyes are burning so hard right now. And I can't breathe out of my nose.
This movie? Completely undid me.

My dad was a Glen Campbell fan; we listened to his music all the time. I know all the lyrics.
I was singing and crying to all the oldies.
It's a wonderful movie. You should probably watch it.
(Rotten Tomatoes gave it 100%, so you just know it's good.)

And thus ends Black Friday 2015.

Three things I'm thankful for:

1. My eyeballs are clean now.
2. Gonna sleep well tonight.
3. So thankful that Clint is winterizing the cabin this weekend.


1 comment:

Kim N. said...

I saw that movie a couple of weeks ago. I grew up with Glen too and know all the lyrics. I love Gentle on My Mind.
I was thinking about you and your Dad while I watched it. And about my step-dad. Alzheimer's sucks big-time
It was interesting, though, how his guitar-playing was hardly affected. It must use a different part of the brain.
God bless your shredded heart Jane. November is almost over.