So

Back in January, when I was loopy from a way-too-high dosage (of that second drug) while undergoing daily radiation, I got three minutes of 'Happy' most evenings from an unexpected source.

Twitter.

With a fogged up brain, twitter's 280 character tweets were about the perfect amount of information I could process.  I randomly came across a new account at the beginning of the month; a gal from England had discovered an old BBC production and was live tweeting her reactions, thoughts and feelings every evening while she watched an episode.

I was familiar with the production and her tweets were delightful, so I posted this tweet:

She responded by telling me that this ^ changed everything for her. It went from being mindless fun, to having meaning, knowing I was reading in my blue radiation robes anticipating my zapping appointment.


Her account gained some attention and eventually there were a few dozen followers, most joining her at 8 pm GMT to watch the show, in their various homes and time zones. I'm assuming most of them were a generation or two younger than me as most of their tweets were GIFs. And all of their comments were wonderfully British.

Just before the end of the month, I received a private message from her:

THIS was sweet and unexpected.
We chatted for awhile and she shared with me that she'd had a rough 2019:

Which.
WOW.
My little bother of cancer WAS NOTHING compared to what she was dealing with.
(She was also recently diagnosed with Stage 4 endometriosis and fibromyalgia.) So her body and soul were both in pain.

Here was this aching, hurting, exhausted gal, hosting twitter parties every evening, bringing joy and sass into our lives. I felt so helpless in how I could support her, so I did what I typically do, and told her I'd pray.
I can't do anything, realistically, from 5,000 miles away. But maybe God could do something?


And then, just after my last treatment, I got a message:

So, yes, OF COURSE I gave a stranger on the internet my home address. (All the safety-first security people reading this are clutching their hearts right now. THE DANGER! Someone from England could fly over here and steal me. Or something).

I asked for her address, and said I'd send her something Vancouver-ish and warned her it'd probably be rain-soaked. ( I ended up buying a copy of Jenn's very West Coast book, Must Love Otters as well as some Purdy's chocolate from Val and mailed it a few weeks ago. She'll probably get it in late 2023.)

My gift from her was a Robin of Loxley wristband. Which makes me feel high school cool. (Reminds me of when Clint used to wrap his wrists with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Bandaids.)

Last Monday night I got a private message from her: 

It's the first anniversary of losing Mum on Wednesday, so we're all feeling really fragile, but we're trying our best to take care of dad. Can't believe it's been a year already. Sort of.feels like 10 minutes and 10 years simultaneously.

So I googled Florists in Leyland to order flowers to be delivered on Wednesday. I ache for her. 

Flowers seemed so frivolous when she probably could've used a hug, some fresh muffins, and a foot massage. 

She'll be hosting the final two episodes of the three season series on Thursday and Friday this week. It'll be bittersweet for us both; it's been a lovely bit of light during a dark winter. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I went back to work on Tues Feb 18, working four to six hours a day, building up my stamina to be alert and wise for 8 hours without a nap.

Last Friday (Feb 28) was my final day of transition hours. It also was the day I was to lead devo's. 

I am not a fan of this 'voluntold' opportunity. Standing in front of all the staff, first thing in the morning, to read, or share, or show something meaningful and inspiring before we pray, is just such a stretch for me. 

So on Friday I read a few pages from a John Ortberg book, about community and challenges and why rats need love. I finished by telling the twitter story above. And yes, once again I went WAY over my allotted 15 minutes. (For almost two months, I said very few words. My brain was broke. BUT NOW THAT THE LOW DOSAGE IS VERY LOW, Holy Moley JUST TRY TO SHUT ME UP. So many words. All needing to be said. I go on and on and on.)

I ended by asking everyone to pray for my British friend and noting that you can create 'community' anywhere. Even on twitter. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I got to work today, my office was locked. I don't have a key, so I wandered around the building looking for a master key that worked. Eventually I was let in, and BOY HOWDY it was hot like a sauna in there. I was a little ticked that someone had locked my door on me because it was going to take hours for the room to cool down. 

(Yes, I am still having personal heating issues. My internal fire burns strong these days. This is going to be long five years.)

When I finally sat down at my desk, I saw this:

(Yes, my phone has my name on it. While I was away, we got a new phone system, a new operating system, and increased security measures. I'm still figuring it all out and haven't bothered removing the stickers.)

Under that anonymous note?

CRAZY, right?

(Also THAT'S why my door was locked.)

Seriously. Do I work with the best people ever, or what? 

I was/still am totes overwhelmed by someone's generosity. Also not sure how to get this to her. 

Haha - do I ask for her banking info? We've exchanged addresses - this probably is how these things progress, yes? 😉😊😏😂😄

ANYWAYS. Anonymous co-worker, if you read my blog, THANK YOU THANKYOU thank youuuu

I'm so glad I get to work with you. And I forgive you for locking my door.

Thank YOU entertain industry, (writers, directors, producers, actors, costume people, set makers, drivers, gaffers...) for providing us with things to watch. And things to talk about. Thank you for creating things that make us feel, think, laugh, cry, connect. Thank you for shows that help us escape our aches and pains and make us smile. 

And thank you, smart people, for inventing the internet. 

xo

Grape Crush

It's my dad's birthday today.
So I bought a case of Grape Crush.
I'll remember him with a can of his fav flavor pop this weekend.

I'm at the lake this week.
Mostly hiding.
But also doing things.
Like, working.
It is so fun working in shorts and a tank top.
I love being comfortable.
Haha. My real office is stinkin hot. Like blistering.
Sitting at my desk is like being inside a wall of heat.

But here?
With the windows open and a fan blowing?
I'm in heaven.

Why am I at the top of the stairs?

Tucked in beside the bunk beds, you ask?

Well, because I've got a painter working on the main floor.
She's covering up all the green walls. (And it looks glorious!)
So all the furniture is piled up in the middle of the main floor, and she's making everything bright and beautiful.

While she's here, I stay upstairs and work.
And after she's left, I move to the deck:

Which? Is my absolute best work environment EVER.

(I'll post before and after pics of the painting later this weekend. WHAT A DIFFERENCE IT MAKES WHEN THE DARK GREEN IS GONE.)

I've also hired a tile guy. Who's gonna give us a tile backsplash in the kitchen. Goodbye green paint.
I can hardly wait til it's done.
Like for serious.
The kitchen doesn't get any natural light, and with the dark green paint, black appliances and wood cabinetry, it's a bit of a black hole.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last Thursday (May 10) Val and I went to the Eagles Concert at Roger's Arena.
Oh. My. Goodness.
They really put on an incredible show.
Three hours of Eagle's music. Take It Easy. Take It To The Limit. Hotel California. Desperato...
Vince Gill.
Deaton Frey.
Oy. Such a perfect evening...

Just as we got back to my mom's place, Val's phone rang. It was John, calling to see how our evening had been. He was happy that Val'd had a good time, and was thrilled/surprised to hear that she'd danced. (Well, that might be stretching it. She moved. Rhythmically. A little bit.) Haha. "You mean my Vally wiggled?" he asked, somewhat astounded.

Then Val asked him how his dad was (John's dad had had a stroke a few days previous.)
"He died earlier this evening."

It's not like it was unexpected. He knew. His wife knew. His kids knew. His grandkids knew.
But still.

Val had been thinking of cancelling our evening together, but her kids and John all encouraged her to go. So she was with me with their blessing.

Can I say something?
Looking back I saw what a gift it was from John to Val, for him not to call until he figured the concert would be over.
And secondly? He asked about her evening; being excited and happy for her experience before sharing his news.

It's little things like this that are the reason why some marriages last a lifetime, no?

John's dad's funeral was on Thursday (May 17).

(This is my third funeral in 5 weeks.)
I am becoming more and more like my dad.
I kinda like funerals. I love hearing the stories.

And this service? Was one of the best.
From the opening introduction (Jesse, Fred's grandson, was the capable, entertaining, respectful, confident, Pastor/MC) to all the shared reflections (two nieces and three sons) to the hymns (How Great Thou Art and It Is Well With My Soul) to the full lunch, sitting around decorated tables afterwards - it was perfect.

Gottfried (Fred) was 94 when he died. His first wife, Margaret died suddenly after 30 years of marriage. He married again a few years later and passed away on his 32 wedding anniversary to Ellie. Crazy eh? Haha. I couldn't manage to stay married for more than 15 years, and this guy has two very successful marriages.

Inspiring.
Not that I'll ever be able to celebrate a 30th wedding anniversary, but inspiring never-the-less.

As per usual, I wonder what my kids will say at my funeral. Because in the end, their version of my life is the one that goes down in history. They're the ones who tell the stories. Which is gonna be interesting ...

~~~~~~~~~~~

A couple years ago I had a thingy next to my tear duct removed which required the steady hand of a plastic surgeon. I had thought I'd be back at work the next day, but my face was a mess for a week afterwards, so I worked from home instead of subjecting my coworkers to the bandages and black eye and dried blood and seeping stitches.

The day after the Eagles Concert (Fri May 11), I had made arrangements to have another procedure done. I am used to the divots on my face left from years of acne. And there's not much to be done about wrinkles. They're a fact of life and I have peace about them. But it's the bumps and lumps I'm having an issue with. Random ones. For no good reason. About a dozen of them.

So, on the recommendation of a friend who's done this twice already over the years, I went to an Indian woman who has a laser wand in her garage and I paid her to burn my face. While she was at it, we decided to go for the ones on my neck too. And my chest. And my underboob. (Oops. Too much information?) Haha.

In the end, I had over 300 laser burn spots on my face and torso. It took 4 hours. And the numbing cream? Worked like a charm on everything under my chin. And didn't numb a thing above my chin. SO. Yes. It hurt. Like someone was holding a red hot fire poker to my face.

WHICH IS WHY I AM WORKING REMOTELY THIS WEEK.
NO way I was going to subject anyone to the absolute mess that was/is taking place on my body.
Scabs. And swollen red spots. At first they felt like bee stings.
And then a few days later they got itchy.

I wasn't allowed to wash for 72 hours; I was to keep everything soaked in coconut oil. And some special Indian potion that is 1000 times stronger than polysprorin and smelt a little funky.

I will not be posting before and after pictures. Because as of today, I am still not convinced I didn't make a horrible, terrible mistake.

Vanity.

I guess that's what this boils down to.
Vanity.

How embarrassing.

Also, in case you're wondering.
My teeth.

I still have the temporary caps in.
Because, despite THREE separate visits to the lab (in a middle-eastern family's garage) and three separate attempts at getting a good colour match - its a bit of a disaster.

So, one month later (this was supposed to be a 10 day project) I still have fake front teeth that are trying their best to be workable even though we're about two weeks past their expiration date.

Yes.
May has not gone as expected.


How're things with you?

~~~~~~~~~~~

Three things I'm thankful for:

1. The ability to work remotely (when necessary). In shorts and tshirt and flip flops. It is an Absolute Joy.

2. Competent sub-trades. I highly recommend First Impressions Interior Painting. She is a marvel with a brush and roller. This cabin had a million tricky spots where 'cutting in' was a fulltime job. She did it, FREEHAND with no taping. And it's been done PERFECTLY. I am in absolute awe.
And this tiler? Responded to my email within a hour. Came out the next night to measure up. And is here, now, 2 days later, getting er done.

3. I'm HOPING to be thankful for Indian women who work out of their garages with hot pointy sticks and Middle Eastern families who make teeth in their garages... Haha. Fingers crossed.

4. Super thankful for this past week. From the Eagles concert with Val to Mother's Day with Clint to the funeral to the long weekend and everything inbetween. Grateful for this life I get to live.

5. Thankful for the internet. Music, podcasts, sermons, TEDTalks... It's been a rich week.

6. Thankful for Cadbury's new rice crispy filled chocolate bar.

7. Thankful for my dad. Thinking of him today, on his birthday. And how he was the only person who never saw the imperfections on my face. His love, coupled with aging eyesight, made him think I was beautiful. That's what dads are supposed to be like, right?

(I've just read a memoir written by a gal who was raped almost daily by her dad from the time she was 8 until she was 18, when she shot him. She was charged with murder and sentenced to life without parole. When she turned 36, she was released from prison because someone, finally, took on her case and wouldn't let it go until justice was served. She was the third generation of women in her family who'd been sexually abused by their dads. Gahhhh.)

So yes, today I am thankful that my dad loved me. And I'm grateful that he's in heaven with a body and mind that are 100%. He's probably laughing.  If there are any kids up there, I wonder if he's entertaining them by doing that trick with his dentures where he pushes them out between his lips and sucks them back in real quick. (Or do you get good teeth in heaven? Straight, white, no cavities? No receding gum lines?   Twould be very cool.)

What was I saying?

Oh yeah. My dad.
Haha.

Happy birthday, ol man.

Shalom, friends.
xo

7 Pillows. Is this excessive?

Saw this at Wendell's:

Kinda makes you wish your name was Jane doesn't it?

~~~~~~~

Three things I'm thankful for:

1. Handcream that smells like roses.

2. An empty gym at 9 pm.

3. Tech support.

Shalom,
xo

My Most Recent Trip

I was at Crescent Beach this afternoon, just walking around, minding my own business, when this incredible sunset just broke out:

It was so vast and vibrant.
Everyone on the beach just stopped and stared.

Quite incredible really.

I felt so lucky to be right under it. Like I was living in a pink and blue cotton candy world.

I walked towards the dock at the north end of the beach, taking pics as I went.

The ocean was pink in some spots. Magenta in others.


Felt like I was on another planet that had different colours for things; I mean, we're used to water being a dark blue 'round these parts. But this was a glowing rosy color.

And the birds?

They came in from everywhere to hang out with each other and talk about the soft pink water:

I saw this guy, a crane, standing very still. His reflection was perfect. But his head is lost in the shadow of the sand dune.

I thought I'd sneak up behind this photographer, who was no doubt getting a perfect shot, and get a pic of him from behind, taking a shot of the bird. It was going to be brilliant. My best pic ever. A National Geographic treasure.

Using my best stealth moves, and being quiet as a mouse, I made my way down to the beach. I was just coming 'round, getting myself into position when I lost balance, slipping on a patch of slippery seaweed.

I knew I was going down, but I fought it, by stumbling forward and forward and forward... I corrected myself a millisecond before landing on all fours which just made me lose balance again, so I took a few more giant out-of-control steps sideways because of momentum before landing on my hands and knees in a soggy pile of ocean muck. I sacrificed my knees and my dignity in order to keep my camera safe.

I'm sorry to those of you on the beach, trying to watch the sunset. Sometimes those are Holy moments, yes? I ruined it with my floppin and flaggin around, making a huge spectacle of myself. "Look at me! Over here! I can't walk in a straight line! I'm going to stumble! Oh nope. I'm not. Haha. Just kidding, Yes I am! Here I go. Down. And down."

The guy on the beach? With the camera? "Hey? You OK?"

"Absolutely fine, thanks. I'm good. Camera's OK. Seaweed has not been harmed. All is well."

Nothing about this beach scene is Christmassy and yet.

...  let heaven and nature sing...

Joy to the earth, the savior reigns,
let men, their songs, employ
WHILE FIELDS AND FLOODS, ROCKS, HILLS AND PLAINS
repeat the sounding joy, repeat the sounding joy,
repeat the sounding joy.


Today's sunset?
Was repeating the sounding joy.
And I felt honored to be standing in the middle of that colourful joyous silent chorus.


Three things I'm thankful for:

1. Winter walks
2. December sunsets
3. Christmas carols


Shalom,
xo

Plans That Go Awry.

Last Sunday, as I looked forward into the week ahead, I had Many Good Things planned. In fact, besides Monday night, when I was going to do laundry and finish moving myself into the basement, I anticipated being out every night doing something fun with a different friend.(The forecast was for NO RAIN, so that meant, there would be no rain. Haha. My favorite type of weather.)

Because life is not just about having fun, I double-purposed each evening, so that I was accomplishing something as well. So Monday night, while doing laundry, moving boxes from the top floor to the basement, I also moved Christmas boxes from the top floor to the main floor for my mom to sort. And I packed up my truck with flattened boxes from Drew and Dani's move on the weekend. (I would be delivering them to a friend on Tuesday night after seeing a movie.)

On Tuesday afternoon, I got a message, apologizing - but seeing a movie wasn't going to work for her. She had to cancel, could we reschedule?

But I had a truck full of boxes to deliver, so I went to Coquitlam anyway. And emptied my truck.

I came home and loaded up my truck again, this time with ten bags of mixed garbage left behind by Drew and Dani. I had hauled them up from the basement. And I put a couple boxes of baubles, that my mom was offering Clint, into my truck as well. I had made arrangements to meet with Clint on Wednesday night to put the garbage in his dumpster and bring the baubles to his office.

On Wednesday, after work I called to confirm I'd be by his place, he cancelled. He was going climbing. Maybe I could come a different day? Possibly Saturday? Heather and I had planned to go seawall walking that night, so we went anyway; after I unloaded everything from my truck back into the garage.

On Thursday afternoon, I had a doctor's appointment at 5 in Murrayville, so I made arrangements to spend the evening with Donna, who'd just moved into Murrayville. She'd recently had a birthday so we were going to celebrate. I got a call in the morning; my appointment had been moved to Dec 19. I drove out to Murrayville anyway.

On Friday night a friend and I were going to walk around Lafarge Lake and go out for hot chocolate afterwards. Late in the afternoon, she texted me that she was bagged and just wanted to stay home. Could we reschedule? I felt like going for a walk, so I went anyway.

I was going to meet a friend for a walk in Vancouver this (Saturday) afternoon, (and deliver all those garbage bags and Christmas baubles to Clint)  but she messaged me that she was tired. Could we try next weekend instead? And Clint never responded to my text, so. Sigh. But I went anyway. It's not raining. I feel like I should be outside.

And tomorrow? Sunday? Last week a friend said to save it for her. She wanted to walk with me. She'd call to confirm. But I haven't heard back so I'm assuming she ended up making other plans. Because that's just the way this entire week has gone. I will go for a walk by myself anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~

It has been a good week.
I am totally fine driving hither and yon, by myself, enjoying the lights, sounds, views around me.

I sit in an office 40 hours a week.
I don't want to spend the winter months sitting in the basement.
These past 7 days have been a good practice run at being self-reliant. As I walked around Queen Elizabeth Park this afternoon, I was remembering back in high school when I stayed in a relationship with a boyfriend past it's expiry date because if we broke up I imagined I'd have to eat my lunch all by myself. A fate? Worse than death.

Haha.
I've come a long way.


~~~~~~~~~~

Three things I'm thankful for:

1. Parks and lakes and beaches and seawalls and city streets and open spaces and HUGE moons and sunsets and a reliable truck.

2. A camera that captures what my eye sees and what my heart feels.

3. I love that Netflix makes a whole season available at once. I have binged on The Crown. And loved every detail.


4. I LOVE tulips. Especially in the winter. Got these on Wed night, at Urban Fare in Olympic Village. Soooo pretty.

QE park. A little frosty-foggy:

Lafarge Lake:

Shalom, friends.
xo

So. Much. Space.

I've lived in a bedroom for the past 14 months.
It's were I would sleep, work on my computer, watch TV, keep my clothes, do my hair, put on my make-up. Everything I needed; camera, clothes, books, wrapping paper, suitcases, legal papers, banking info, towels, footwear... EVERYTHING was kept in that bedroom.

But NOW?
Now that I'm back in the basement?
OH. My. GOODNESS.

I have a room with couches to watch TV on.
I have a separate space (shared with a pool table, non-functioning 70 rear projection TV, old bar and bar stools, but stillllll)  I have carved out some space for a desk for my laptop.
There are closets for clothes and suitcases.
And a bedroom with a queen size bed and a dresser and normal sized night tables.

I. feel. so. rich.

Hahaha.

Perspective.

~~~~~~~~~~~

In case you've been wondering, no, the kids who broke into the cabin have not been arrested. Still praying for them.

And we are in the final stages of getting the walls/door/ceiling repaired. Not everything that was stolen or damaged was covered by our policy (look at the fine print, kids. Dirt bikes are not insured under your homeowner's policy. At least ours weren't.)

~~~~~~~~~~~

Three things I'm thankful for:

1. Utter silence.
2. Movie nights.
3. Online conversations.

Shalom,
xo

I love when they go all psycho with the lights on the pedestrian overpass.

This n that

1. Drew and Dani bought a (town)home. We moved them in yesterday.
Their moving day was a rainy day.

The new home owners in the moving truck:

From the basement to the garage to the truck to the garage of their new home.

Within an hour, the garage was mostly empty:

Grabbing the last cheese biscuits. A double batch, still warm from the oven. Gone in 3 minutes.

Nico and The OBros

Home Sweet Home:

Taking a break, waiting for the carpets to dry.
Previous owner had carpets shampooed minutes before Drew and Dani took possession. They were SOAKING when we arrived.

Moving chaos:

Dani and her mom gettin the kitchen organized:

Ahhhhh.

I?
Had a good cry about a week ago.
I really, really wanted to buy a house with them.
And right up until their deal went through, I was still hoping, down deep in my heart, that by some miracle it would work out.

But when God says "no", He kinda means "no".

So I will trust He's got some sorta plan for me.

In the meantime, I'll make my way back down to the basement.

Tonight?
I've set up my desk, brought down my make up and toothbrush and made up the bed.

I have a bloggin corner again.


I had set up a small antique wiggly table next to a north-facing window (hello, Coquitlam) in my bedroom at the top of the house, but it wasn't ideal. I'll miss the window, but I love the space to put my elbows on the desk top.

Maybe I'll blog more from this place?


2. November was a record-breaking month.
Least amount of blog posts in a month since I started this in 2004.
Also weather-wise we broke a record: it rained 27/30 days.

Those two facts are probably related.

November is my hardest month.

3. I've worked at Focus for five years.
Got a service award at our Annual Christmas Banquet last week.
Wore high heels for the first time in a decade.

Those facts are also related.

Me, the President,The Bangs and my mom's sweater. My dress had rhinestones on the straps and shoulder cut-outs. She took her sweater off and told me to wear it. So here I am, all covered up:

4. Last weekend, Dani and her dad, "Woodever Crafts", set up a booth at Candytown, their first ever Christmas market. 

The night before, she was making her booth sign in the kitchen, while I made her a sandwich. 

Sob. Golly. I'm going to miss having them live here. 

5. The rains of November are going to ease up this week. Sunny skies are on the way.



Three things I'm thankful for:

1. Big beds, I will not miss that old, lumpy twin mattress.
2. A month with some fun evenings planned.
3. Longer day are just around the corner.

1. 
   

Tonight's sunset; a glimmer of hope: