Eggs in the Creek

From the book "Scouting the Divine" by Margaret Feinberg:

I remembered the geese in the barn, and how they were constantly walking around.

"What are they looking for?" I asked Lynne.

"They're looking for their eggs," she said.

"Where are they?" I asked.

"I threw them in the creek," she said.

My eyes bulged in disbelief. I couldn't help blurting out,"Why?"

Lynne's action seemed cold and cruel - a far cry from the gentle shepherd-woman who loved her sheep.

"Because they were infertile," she said. "They will never hatch. I need to get these geese back to their regular life. For three months they've been sitting on infertile eggs. The only way to get them back to the way they're supposed to be living is to take away their dead eggs."

What infertile dream am I sitting on?

What lies have I believed and am still trying to hatch?

Am I still looking for eggs that have been thrown in the creek?

In Case You Were Wondering

According to the meeting I was at today, this is what occurs in a dysfunctional family:

1. People compulsively protect inner feelings.

2. Only "certain" feelings are okay.

3. Performance is more important than the person.

4. There are many taboo subjects, lots of secrets.

5. Everyone must conform to the strongest person's ideas and values.

6. There is punishment, shaming.

7. There are lots of "shoulds".

8. The rules are unclear, inconsistent and rigid.

9. The atmosphere is tense.

10. There is much anger and fear.

11. Stress is avoided and denied.

12. Family members feel tired, hurt and disappointed.

13. Growth is discouraged.

14. People have low self worth.

15. Coalitions form across generations.

On the other hand ... in a nuturing family -

1. People feel free to talk about inner feelings.

2. All feelings are okay.

3. There person is more important than the performance.

4. All subjects are open to discussion.

5. Individual differences are accepted.

6. Each person is responsible for his/her actions.

7. Respectful criticism is offered along with appropriate consequences for actions.

8. There are a few "shoulds".

9. The atmosphere is relaxed.

10. There is joy.

11. Family members face up to work through stress.

12. People have energy.

13. People feel loving.

14. Growth is celebrated.

15. People have high self-worth.

16. There is strong parental coalition.

Ugh.

He Made the Colours of the Rainbow

I was shopping for windshield wiper blades this afternoon and came home with this.
Now I need to find a good colouring project.

Nothing says "happiness" like a carousel of crayola crayons.

Three things I'm thankful for:

1. Drew was able to replace my windshield wipers blades, effortlessly.

2. All three boys were home for supper. All I have to do is spend $70 for lots and lots of Chinese Food so that everyone has leftovers for lunch and dinner the following day. Easy peasy.

3. Max is cleaning his room. There will probably be 14 bags of garbage at the curb on Thursday.

Shalom,

Inspiring

Saw this last night with some friends and was motivated to make a difference in someone's life. And was very motivated to never eat another chocolate bar so that I could look like Sandra Bullock someday.

Three things I'm thankful for:
1. God never calls us to do something that we can't handle.
2. I have actually gone three whole weeks without a chocolate bar. Those nighttime gastritis attacks sure have me scared. Everytime I'm even a teensy bit tempted I remember the 10 out of 10 pain and all the moaning and like magic, my craving disappears. I am thankful that, surprisingly, I do have some self-control. (Self control = pain avoidance? Maybe...)
3. My house is already decorated for Christmas. It has been since last Tuesday. I have never, in my entire life, decorated before Dec 1. Most years I don't even think about it til Dec 15th. But, I'm thankful that it's done. It feels peaceful and twinkly here.

Shalom,

Have you read this?

David Crowder was a guest on Stuff Christians Like.
Love that guy.

I bought a scarf tonight. Apparently Uma Thurman has the same one.

Jus sayin.

Three things I'm thankful for:
1. I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from His love. Death can't. Life can't. Angels can't. Demons can't. Myfears for today, my worries about tomorrow and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away. Nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate Jane, Clint, Max and Drew from the love of God.

2. I am thankful that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will give Clint, Max and Drew mighty inner strength. And I pray the Christ will be more and more at home in their hearts as they trust Him. May their roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love. And may they have the power to understand how long, how wide, how high and how deep His love really is.

3. God can be trusted to keep His promises.

Shalom,

Craft Night

Ps 9:12 He does not ignore those who cry to Him for help.

Ps 32:8 - He will guide you along the best pathway for your life. He will advise you and watch over you.

Ps 34:18 - The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those who are crushed in spirit.

Ps 55:22 - Give your burdens to the Lord and He will take care of you.

Ps 60:12 - With God's help we will do mighty things.

Ps 91:11 - For He orders His angels to protect you wherever you go.

Ps 103:8 - The Lord is merciful and gracious; He is slow to get angry and full of unfailing love.

Ps 121:8 - The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever.

Ps 138:8 - The Lord will work out His plans for my life. And Clint's life. And Max's life. And Drew's life. And ...

Three things I'm thankful for:

1. A small victory today.

2. Craft night. Yay.

3. Glee online. Oh Finn, Quinn and Puck...

Shalom,

My mom's place. (Well, my dad's too.)

Elegant.

Festive.

Wintery.

Whimsical.

Peaceful.

Shiny and Bright.

All is calm.

Welcoming.

Merry Christmas.

(She's been ready since mid-October...)

From Lamentions 3

It's a good thing to quietly hope for help from God.
He has proven to be good to the woman who diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to stick it out through hard times.

When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself.
Enter the silence.
Bow in prayer.
Don't ask questions.
Wait for hope to appear.


Three things I'm thankful for:
1. Got me some high blood pressure meds today. No point adding to the blood pressure worrying about the blood pressure.
2.The reminder I got today to "let God be God" - I can simply rest in the knowledge that I am His beloved child.
3. Evidence of God's hand in every situation we face. Nothing happens without His involvement. There are no coincidences.

Shalom,

Never Live As Though God Doesn't Exist

(I liked that quote.)

Three things I'm thankful for:

1. God is working even if we can't see it. He can redeem any situation for His purposes and His glory.

2. "God in heaven holds each person by a string. When you sin, you cut the string. Then God ties it up again, making a knot - and thereby bringing you closer to Him. Again and again your sins cut the string - and with each knot, God keeps drawing you closer and closer." (What's So Amazing About Grace, page 273)

3. His strength.

Shalom,

Head Bangin Symphony

I bought the tickets about a month ago and asked the kids to save Fri Nov 20 for me. It'd be OFam night. I try to do them ONCE PER SEASON, like, only 4 times a year. With all the moaning and complaining you'd think I do family nights once a week or something.

I reminded them about once a week that I had tickets for a show, and they were all, 'yeah, yeah. yeah' and on Sunday when I mentioned it again - Clint said, "But I'm going to Calgary. Road trip with the guys. This has been planned since, uh, yesterday."

So he wasn't coming. I asked Mandi if she'd like his spot and she seemed delighted.

Max and Drew knew better than to make other plans.

So.
Max always gets home from work at 4:30.
And today?
He rushed in at 5:30.
"We're leaving in half an hour," I reminded him.
"What? It's tonight?"
Grrrr.
"We're leaving at like, 7:00, right?" he asked.
"Nope. We're leaving at 6:00."
His phone rings. He answers it. "OK. I'll be right over." And he gets in his truck and drives away.
So I call him.
"Uhm, were are you going?"
"I've got to take Beau to Abbotsford. He needs to make an appointment and he has no one to drive him and I said I wasn't doing anything so I could do it."
"But, you see, you are doing something. You're going to have a shower and go to a concert, IN HALF AN HOUR."
"I'll be back in time..."
(Tricia? It's a half hour drive EAST to Abbotsford from our house on a good day. Today is not a good day. RAIN like stink. And it's rush hour. And the main road to the freeway is closed. Not to mention he has to drive WEST to get back home again - and he will be in all the traffic that is heading into Vancouver for the Canuck's hockey game.)

This is me. Trying not to get stressed out about things.
These are my children pressing every button I have that makes my stomach bubble and boil.

This is not how I wanted O nite to go. I wanted to be happy-clappy. Nice. Fun to be with. And in the end, I'm fighting thunder, lightening, horrific traffic, ridiculous rain, red lights, sons who really don't want to be with me and and and...

I dropped the kids off at the corner so they could be there when it began (at 8 pm) - and I drove around looking for parking. I dropped into my seat at 8:20.

In the end? After all that?
Mandi and I loved it, Max and Drew said it was OK.
(And we all agreed the vocals were the weak link. If they had just stuck to instrumentals it would have been awesome.)

The Trans Siberian Orchestra.

Who are not Siberian.

And are more of a rock band than an orchestra.

And they had an amazing light and laser show.

And many people came to see.

And all the girls had long blonde hair ('cept one) and they all wore black mini dresses with black boots.

And the stages did tricks.

And pots kept bursting into flames. And it was hot.

And more stages did tricks.

And everyone stood with their legs three feet apart. (Drew calls this the power stance.)

And the Christmas Bells song was my favorist.

And the song at the end where the pianist rocked out was fab.

And it was good.

Three things I'm thankful for:

1. Another memory with the kids.

2. Clint was on facebook chat when I got home.

3. Mandi's enthusiasm and bubbliness.

Shalom,

Making Deals

I'm in the midst of a fantastic week:
Book Club on Wednesday
The Office on Thursday (I'm shallow that way)
Trans-Siberian Orchestra on Friday
Southgate Ladies' Event on Saturday

By all counts, it's a pretty stress-free time period in my life. All my doctor's appointments are done; no more scary tests to get freaked out about. All my deadlines at work have been met, and I've only got mind-numbing data entry to "worry" about this week. Drew is passing all his classes. Max is still employed. Clint is still happy with his living conditions and his courses. My dad and mom's conditions have stabilized. And the last stomach episode I had was last week, giving me a month before I'd have to think about having another one.

So why?
Why at 1 am, just as I am sliding into bed, did I get that dull ache in my ribcage indicating that things were going to get ugly?
I medicated myself immediately and started to 'walk it off' within 30 seconds. Five hours later I was still walking the circut (living room, dining room, kitchen, entryway again and again) breathing heavily and pushing my palm into my abdomen. The pain level never made it to 10 this time (praise God) but it did stay at a 6 for the whole night. Which is too high to fall asleep through and not high enough to cry about.

Seeing I was up anyway with no one to talk to, I just prayed the night away. And allowed my mind to wander to territory better not explored, namely, "What stresses do I have right now?"

So I tackled the big issues: child-slavery, human trafficking, Compassion kids, friends who are struggling, hurting marriages, broken hearts, the Ku Klux Klan, the economy, my long-term financial situation, my future daughter-in-laws, the homeless, and my eating habits.

I saw Max leave for work at 6, then took Drew to school at 8 and finally fell asleep at 9, promising God I'd do my part. And now? Hours later? My part? Write letters to my Compassion kids. Pray for the work that IJM is doing. Support Clint and Jesse and the work they're doing with the 5 and 2 Ministries.

Walk more (during daylight hours).
And no eating anything after 8 pm.

Here's hoping tonight is uneventful.

Three things I'm thankful for:
1. My house
2. Emails that bring happy news
3. Being pain free

Shalom,

Heart-Touching

A photographer's tribute to his father. Unbelievable.

Scroll through all 45 pics, reading his comments on the left side.

Link is here.

Windy Wednesday

Unbelievable winds. Loud. Powerful. Wonderful.

Three things I'm thankful for:
1. Having friends over who love talking about books. Had a book club meeting tonight and wow. So much fun. We all recommend Blue Hole Back Home.

2. Glee. I just watched in online here. Loved the Don't Stand So Close To Me medley. And Lean On Me at the end was good too. When Finn sang to the sonogram, that was good too.

3. I'm currently reading Scouting the Divine by Margaret Feinberg (who I saw at Creationfest) and in the first section she talks to a shepherdress. As she asks questions about being a sheep keeper, the shepherd says to her: "Shepherding teaches you how to lead from the front rather than the back. Whenever sheep are pushed from the rear, they'll respond in fear or anxiety - even when, as their shepherd, I do it. Pushing a sheep produces agitation. But when I go ahead of the flock and call them by name, they follow me peacefully. They trust me, and they want to follow. Anyone can lead by agitating, but leading in such a way that those behind you want to follow is an art form."

Do you lead from the front or the back?

Shalom,

Stolen from Carson's FB Status:

"If we desire to grow emotionally, psychologically, socially or spiritually, it is going to take place in the context of human relationships. One of the most valuable things a leader can do is develop the habit of assuming that every person with whom you have contact will play a significant role in your life."

Chew on that for awhile.

I did.

(In between dancers on SYTYCD.)

Assume every person in my life has a God-given role.
And that role ISN'T to make mehappy. It's to make me holy.
So, just because someone no longer makes me happy, doesn't mean it's time to sever the relationship.
Just because someone drives me crazy, makes me mad, hurts my feelings, pushes my buttons, doesn't agree with me, or has different values; doesn't mean that I need to replace them. Or remove them. Or release them. Or delete them from my life.

It means I need to learn something.
God placed that person on my path. For a reason. And maybe just for a season. Or maybe for forever. What can I learn from her? from him?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've had my Bible open on desk on the same page for the past few days because this verse is giving me something to think about:

On a good day; enjoy yourself;
On a bad day, examine your conscience.
God arranges for both kinds of days
so that we won't take anything for granted.

God arranges for both kinds of days...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three things I'm thankful for:
1. THAT appointment is done with. You do not want to have anything to do with this new toy the ultrasound people have invented, believe me. Really.
2. I have a very healthy, lush green lawn right now.
3. Dishwashers.

Shalom,

Have YOU decorated for Christmas already?

You have, haven't you?
It's still autumn, people.
Jeesh.

My book club is coming over tomorrow night.
Are they expecting my house to be all twinkly and bright? Is that it?
Unless I get a whoosh of energy and inspiration in the next ten seconds, it's not going to happen.
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

Just as I thought. No whooshing happening here...
So You Think You Can Dance is on.
And I'm distracted.

Who Knew?

I just discovered the addictive drug that is HGTV.

Wow. What a time waster. I love this channel - who'd have though?

Is it windy where you live?

We are experiencing some pretty great wind storms here. And I love it.

It's been a quiet here. An entire evening devoted wholly to nothingness. I feel a little bit guilty.

Three things I'm thankful for:

1. I figured out where we'll put the Christmas Tree this year.

2. Those cute little mandarin oranges are available already.

3. I have not had a chocolate bar since last week's brush with death. (I've had some baked chocolate items in the afternoon because, come on.)

Shalom,

So On Friday ... Then on Saturday... and Finally, on Sunday -

Know what one of my veriest favortist things to do is?

Browse in bookstores.

And luckily, on Friday night, I had a friend that was totally interested in doing that too.

So we hung out at House of James, checking out the new books, the on-special books and the used books with Jacob Moon singing live in the coffee shop below.

From there we sat in Boston Pizza and nibbled on the $75 feast we had ordered (intending all along to bring our leftovers to our families.) We're pretty thoughtful that way.

I was home by 11 and in bed by midnight because I had an early morning on Saturday. Drew had some friends for night, and Max was home too - but I have responsibilities, man. Can't stay up til 3 every night.

.

I was up at 7:30 and out the door at 8.

I know, right?

I don't even do that on regular working days.

.

Arrow was presenting a Mentoring Connections Workshop at Gracepoint, and I was the registration person, the coffee break person, the lunch person, the book sales person, and the cleaner-upper person. Without going into detail, I can give you a glimpse at how good I am at these things by sharing this story... At 10:00 am, instead of being inside the church basement laying the Tim Horton muffins and donuts on the coffee counter, I was in the parking lot of the church, jiggling and banging on all the locked doors with boxes of baked goods at my feet.

.

Yeah.

.

So I got home at 2:30 pm, did the dishes, did a load of laundry, had a shower, gave Drew and his friends some money for dinner and left at 4:45 to pick up 4 friends who said they'd join me at Northview's 5:30 service.

.

Know what?

I love going to church on Saturday night.

Know what else?

I love it even more when I have friends along.

And know what else? Getting a case of the giggles half way through the sermon is totally inappropriate and completely immature and wildly fun and unbelievably embarrassing, especially when the pew starts shaking.

Know what even else?

Jacob Moon was there, as a special guest, and he did 2 songs, which were awesome. You totally should get his new CD.

Jus sayin'

.

Afterwards, we went to Milsean's in Aldergrove and if you've never been there, you totally should. And when you go, ask Marj (who's two daughters work there) if she'd like to join you. Then ask her to tell you her funny story and I dare you not to laugh. I could not get a grip. And I had no makeup left on my face by the time I was under control again.

.

Drew's friends were staying for night, so we ordered in pizza at midnight, and all was right in my world. Max had gone to the Kiss concert and was staying at my dad and mom's place for night, so with all kids accounted for, I went to bed content. And not one bit worried about my high blood pressure. Know why? Because I tried to tell those three 15 year old boys Marj's funny story. And I couldn't finish, I was laughing too hard. Laughing so hard that I couldn't stand up. Laughing so hard that I couldn't breathe. Laughing so hard that all three boys started to laugh too. And just like that, I knew my blood pressure had probably dropped by twelveteen hunnderd points and I was going to be OK.

.

And then the most bestest part of the weekend happened this morning.

Drew went to church with his friends.

I KNOW, right? How awesome.

I'm still smiling.

.

For supper tonight, we all got together to celebrate Zac's and Max's 19th birthdays at Montana's where everyone seemed to be in good moods. This is not always the case. But tonight? The stars were in alignment with the fifteenth moon and the seventh sun was orbiting in the dingon galaxie and no one was in the throes of PMS so it was wonderful.

.

I dropped Drew and his snowboard gear off at Brett's house where he was spending the night. It's a Pro D Day tomorrow and the local mountains are open and calling to him. Just as I walked in the door, Karm called and asked if I'd like to come over and watch an East Indian movie with her and her Ahj:

He's from England/India originally and had heard this was a good one.

It was OK.

Loved the dance sequence, the shots of the fields, and I loved the beauty in the actresses:

I'm a little bit tired now.

:)

Three things I'm thankful for:

1. I've already baked the cake, I just have to add the frosting. (Maybe I'll do that in the morning.)

2. It's super windy outside and I love the sound.

3. The break I had this weekend from all the worrying.

Shalom,

Memories

The other day when I was looking through old image files to find pics of Max, I came across my Europe trip photos. So, totally unrelated to today's events (or non-events, as it were) are some of my favorite images of my first 24 hours in Europe. (Amsterdam, Brussels and France)
These first 3 are of Muiderlot Castle in Holland.

So.
Today I had a luncheon appointment in downtown Vancouver at the Marriot to learn about new software for event planning.
So, last night, in preparation for my big trip into the big city, I filled my truck up with gas, googled the best route to drive, washed my hair and set out my clothes.

Why would I do this? Because I don't want to have a stroke on the freeway, panicking about getting to my appointment on time.

I left my house at 10:45 am, expecting to arrive at the hotel at 11:45 am.

What I didn't expect was the traffic.

(The next pics are from Amsterdam.)

I got onto the freeway at 200th street at 11:00 am.

No one was moving forward. This was alarming to me.

So I went to that happy place in my mind in hopes that I wouldn't overheat internally.

Remembering that Clint had loaded 4 gigs of my favorite music onto my cellphone, I shoved those annoying ear-bud thingys into my head (as an aside, do those buds stay in anyone's ear canals? Or do I have incredibly feminine, unnaturally petite ears. That would be nice. But still annoying.)

(See that pic above? That reddish building in between the brick ones, used to be an alley. Someone bought the space (10 feet wide, I think) and built the narrowest home in Amsterdam.)
(Maybe it's only 8 feet. Is that more impressive?) (I'm trying to wow you, people.)

Anyway, back to today.

I challenged myself not to look at the clock, not to obsess about traffic, not to think about being late.

I just listened to my favorite tunes.

It crossed my mind, as I sang along to Suspicous Minds by Dwight Yoakum (do not judge me) that this was likely one of the last songs I danced to with Mark. The irony took my mind off the traffic conditions for a few minutes.

I hummed along to John Travolta and Olivia Newton John doing Grease songs. And then I crooned with Donny Osmond telling Joseph to go-go-go...

And at 12:00 noon, when the luncheon presentation was just beginning, I was sitting on the freeway at 160th Street (Trish, for you in Florida? This means I moved about 5 miles in one hour.)

The next few pics are from Brugge. Which is in Brussels. And when I was there in 2005, I wrote in my journal that this was a magical city - " A Disneyland for Adults".

Do you see the ground level door and window? Know what was on that floor? The most popular nightclub in Brugge.

Do you see that room on the second floor - the one directly over the door? That's where I slept. Or, rather, that's where I lay all night listening to the live music that being created right beneath me and that I heard very clearly because there were holes in the floor (where the wiring and water pipes came through) allowing me a ringside seat to an amazingly awful performance.

So it's noon and I'm not where I should be.

Happy place, happy place.

Warm sun, cool breeze, feet on log, waves rolling onto shore...

I called in to work, and let them know that I wasn't going to make it to the presentation.

Then I got off the freeway and dropped in on my dad and mom.

We had lunch together and dad remembered the names of my kids so it was good.

I got to work just in time to pass our president and the chairman of the board in the hallway.

And then they laughingly referenced that hot-flash-inducing-mistake that happened at 9 pm on Tuesday night.

And if I don't have a heart attack one of these days it's because I have such a strong will to live. I need to see my children have their own children so I can laugh at the way the circle of life better bite them in the ass.

Bum.

Bite them in the bum.

And I guess that's the end of today's story.

I tried to stretch it out so that it would end with the last photo, but alas, we live in a fallen world.

Do you see the swans in the above pic? How perfect, eh? They were real - not plastic props. I died when I saw them. But like my dad, I popped back to life after a few seconds; I was in Europe and had pictures to take.

Things I'm thankful for:

1. Unexpected gorgeous sunshiny skies today. I had my windows open whilst I sat there on the freeway listening to show tunes.

2. I love the way The Office makes me smile.

(You can get a closer look at these pics by clicking on them. Jus sayin')
3. I'm glad that I've made it through 2 whole days without eating chocolate. I love that the advice I've received regarding chocolate is "just eat the expensive stuff. It shouldn't affect you." And "just eat chocolate during the day, you should be fine."

4. I'm thankful that today is Thursday. And that tomorrow is Friday.

5. I love not being in pain.
You have no idea.

(These next pics are from France.)

6. I love books that make me think and feel.

7. I am glad that I believe.

8. I am thankful that He loves me.

9. I am thankful for friends.

(Doesn't that pic above look dark and gothic? It wasn't part of the plan that we tour it, but the front doors were open, so we went in.)

10. I am thankful for carrot sticks.

Not really.

But I'm going to try and love them.

(See that blonde french-braided pony tail on the black jacket? It is mine. I LOVED having Kylie french braid my hair every morning.)

And that's a wrap.